thinking its mad, how everyone assumes your going to return to work, when your dcs start school?

[milkgoddessmakesthefinestmilk]

im not planning to, i want to be the one that takes dd to school picks her up from school is there if shes sick or on holiday.

don't school children have about 3 months of hols a year?

Quattro, people become interested in what they spend their time on. If you've ever nursed an invalid you soon learn how particular they are about the things they can control like meals and cushions being plumped a certain way.

What a load of drivel is being spouted, being 'at home' being so boring, and mothers who choose not to work letting their brains stultify.

Life is what you make it. Or, as my mum used to say 'boring people get bored'. Some people might be perfectly happy cleaning and ironing for 5 hours a day. I suspect there are few of those around. However, many more might be happy to do an hour or so of housework and then use the rest of their day for other activities - voluntary work, hobbies, sporting activities, you name it you can do it!

Many of you seem unable to comprehend how anyone can fill the 5-6 hours a day that their children are at school. I trust none of you ever plan to retire then? Or are you just going to work yourselves into the ground so that you collapse in relief and don't have the energy to do anything?

It's the same argument, I know retired people who are happy and fulfilled and retired people who seem bored and can't seem to function without the label and self-esteem their job gave them. It's as if they were defined by the job and now have nothing.

I had 6 years 'at home' when all my children were at school, and thoroughly enjoyed it. It was fulfilling, enjoyable and of course fitted round the children perfectly. I kept my body and my brain active with various activities, including voluntary work at two different places. We used to joke that I didn't have time to work, but it wasn't so far from the truth. And it was idyllic in the sense that as a family we were never juggling work and children, we never needed childcare, there was always someone there for holidays, TD days, dentists' appointments, sports days, assemblies, you name it.

My husband and I shared the housework, although I did more since I had more time at home. We shared (still do) all financial responsibility and all our finances. We had good insurance against unemployment, sickness, death etc, so my being at home was no riskier than me working.

There was no loss of self-esteem, and I wasn't setting a bad example for my children. They knew my work history, and in fact could remember when I used to work from home when they were young. They also saw my involvement in different voluntary and community activities. They saw how their parents shared everything, and neither of us was a junior partner in any way.

The only reason I am currently working a few hours a week is to help boost finances. If things changed, I would have no hesitation in going back to 'not working', it really was a fulfilling life. And I know many people who would do the same. Certainly, if finances permitted, my husband and I would both 'retire' tomorrow, we have enough interests and things we would like to do that boredom simply wouldn't be an option!

We both work to live, not live to work, and could quite easily do without the work bit.

here here!

I mean hear hear! OFFS! lol. I'm a dribbling idiot!

Where I am and at my DC previous schools, at least half of the mums do not work, especially the mums of infant age children. Most that do work part time and only a small number work f/t and never pick their kids up and use after school clubs everyday or grandma. These include well educated women ad well off and less well off women. I read some government statistics which said that 42% of mums stay home with children of 6 and under so not sure about the above stats. I think it is great, though, to free ourselves of paid work if that is what we want, rather than have labour saving devices etc and simply then use that time to work more, what about using that time to simply enjoy life and time in the way we see fit. Many women go back to work later on and still have years for a paid job.

I am amazed that those who are critical of either choice are so bothered.

Why do some people care so much what every one else is doing?? Do what you must or choose to do.

What anyone else does is not relevant to you.

I agree Jellybeans, life is all about different stages. A mother (or father!) can quite easily have many stages in their life - perhaps at home when the children are young, working part-time later, maybe increasing hours to full-time, perhaps having a break from work altogether for whatever reason, going back to work in a totally different field, even setting up a business, then eventually retiring or even semi-retiring if that's what suits them.

None of the above is wrong if it works for that person and that family. I would never class myself as a 'working parent' or a 'stay at home parent'. I am a parent (or person!) who happens at that particular time to be working or not working, as my circumstances, my aims and wishes and the needs of my family dictates at that time.

Ask me again next year or in 5 years or 10 years and my circumstances might be totally different. I will have moved on, and that may or may not include changes in how I view work.

It's nice to see that I'm on this thread, even though I have been busy today, planting out my tomatoes and cucumbers in the sunshine not-so-ably assisted by my 6yr old

ecowarrior - broadly speaking I agree with what you say. It is perfectly possible to live a fulfilling, balanced life without earning a living. However, and it's a BIG however...... realistically, living within the society that we do today, the huge majority of our children are going to need to earn a living (just as most of us adults do really). There are very, very few people who inherit so much wealth at such a young age, that they can absolutely guarantee financial indpendence.
Therefore, it makes sense that we try to find a means of earning a living which will use our skills, talents and interests. Now that's a key point, because there is absolutely no right or wrong here - one person's dream job is another person's nightmare. But broadly speaking, I would be surprised if ANYONE on here DOESN'T want their children to aspire to interesting and fulfilling work lives. Daddycool is spouting rubbish that 'all the high paid jobs are boring; all the interesting jobs are low paid.'That's just nonsense. It's only a small minority of jobs that are really highly paid anyway - there are lots of jobs which aren't going to earn you a fortune but can offer a perfectly decent standard of living - particularly if both parents work!
I'm finding daddycool's position really sad. As I said in an earlier post: How can a relationship function well if one parent is happy at the expense of the other?? It just seems awful that he is slogging away in a job he despises, while his wife sits at home and his kids are in school. What a waste of a life.

I would also add that if you get the balance right, and pick a career/job which is interesting and stimulating, it is perhaps rather easier to achieve the well balanced, fulfilled life that eco describes. Yes, there are people who aren't employed who do have full and stimulating lives, but I see an awful lot who don't. Mums with children in school who spin the housework out to take 3 times longer than necessary. Or watch crappy daytime telly. Or are constantly in the gym. Bored witless. Work can provide opportunities for intellectual stimulation.And yes, I know you can get that from reading/talking to your family etc - I'm simply pointing out that it's not an either/or situation. You can enjoy the stimulation of home and family life and have the added bonus of a work life too. Work can also provide another social dimension to your life, if you pick a job where you work with fun, dynamic people. Again - it's not an either/or - I have friends who are parents of my kids, friends who are joint acquaintances with dh, but it's good having a work network too.

sitdownplease.. - how do you know I didn't mean charity work? As it is, I work from home while my children are at school but in that time I am also cramming in PTA work (tons of it), helping out in school plus I do all the housework, finances, admin etc etc.

Why is it that running the household and looking after children is deemed less important than 'going out to work'? If one partner doesn't do it you're either paying someone else (but that's OK is it, because that's their 'job'?) or you live in a pig sty and everything falls to pieces.

Personally I could easily fill my school hours with the PTA stuff, helping in school, shopping, running errands, cleaning, washing, sorting out bills/finances, organising holidays, after school activities etc etc - the list is endless and so are the tasks.

Ecowarrior - I love your post. I could have written that myself. I do work from home but I quite agree with you. Our set up works brilliantly for us and makes life pretty stress free on the whole.

"im not planning to, i want to be the one that takes dd to school picks her up from school is there if shes sick or on holiday."

I think that's fine , if you can afford too make the choice and not everyone ahs that luxury. You can make your own lifestyle choices but it may mean you have no holiday, car, can't move house or so on, and it is no good complaining if that is the consequence of your decision. Reality is even if you work it is likely to be you who stays home when she's sick unless you have other family available.

Am I right in thinking your dd is only coming up one but you have returned to work and resigned ? Is that what has provoked the query ? In which case you have at least 3 years to reevaluate and look for jobs with more conducive hours.

Can I sort of hijack and ask if any of you did return to work when your dcs went to school but to a job that fitted around school hours and was lower paid/less demanding that what you had done before kids?

Did you find it worked out ok or did you feel frustrated that you could be doing the job of someone several levels above you?

I am wondering because I recently enquired about a job and when I read the job description my heart sort of sank - more the scope of the job than the salary. I could have done the job of the manager of the person I would be reporting to....iyswim.

But I probably don't want to do the more senior role right now because it would be full time, too demanding of my attention, etc., etc.

Anyone been in a similar position?

It is a shame that it is regarded as a 'luxury' to take your own child to school. There are also few jobs which would allow parents time off for school plays etc and it is sad when the ones whos parents couldn't make it say 'wheres mummy or daddy' and the teacher has to say maybe, 'they are busy at work'. At the end of the day, school isn't and shouldn't be seen as childcare.

FTR, is daddy cool really slogging away in a thankless job if jobs are so great and all jobs have their benefits and anything is better than 'sitting at home?' And why is it a 'waste of a life' if it is what someone has chosen, wanted and enjoyed? What would you say if someone said it is a waste of a life to be a wage slave rather than spend time with your DC?

GFM I'm doing just that, 21 hours during the school day over 4 days, and hope to shortly receive a termtime contract on a similar basis. It is local and flexible enough to give me the odd hours off to attend the kids school events, if I make the time up, not every time but most of them. Hardly challenging (admin) or well paid but it is a contribution and is a work/life balance choice.

jellybeans - perhaps you need to read the thread a little more carefully.....
daddycool said he is unhappy, hates his job but for some strange reason (which I can't fathom) feels pressurised to remain in the job while his wife is at home and his kids are at school. I said this is a waste of a life. If he said he enjoyed his job, then I wouldnt have said it was a waste!
I am not a 'wageslave' (now there's an emotive term!!). I have an interesting and worthwhile career, which provides stimulation and enjoyment which complements the stimulation and enjoyment of family and home life. The pay is also nice!
I never said all jobs have their benefits. I would loathe doing a mindnumbing, low status job. I am really pleased that my children have aspirations to have an interesting worklife too.

GFM - I have to admit that is something that worries me slightly, as I am looking for a part-time job myself.

I am only considering jobs in large organisations, where there should be opportunities to move on when the time is right for me (a foot in the door)

Certainly in my previous blue chip employment, we used a lot of agency staff to do low level admin jobs and sometimes good people got recognised and moved on to better jobs.

I don't mind working for a good manager, my fear is that I will work for some numpty, but then that won't be an entirely new experience

riven - it's even better telling other people what to do

the good managers leave you alone and let you get on with your job, riven

ah OK, I thought daddycool was happy with his situation enabling his wife to SAH, maybe read that wrong.

Scarily unhappy, possibly even depressed if you read the whole thread