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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about “adopt don’t shop”?

246 replies

totallybonafido · 06/08/2025 19:33

Yes I know it’s better to adopt rather than to buy a kitten from some random person online - but rescue places make it so difficult! I’m trying to get a new friend for my cat and I’m not getting anywhere.

I've contacted all local rescues, big and small, who claim to be inundated with cats and kittens, and been told:
• they only re home kittens in pairs
• you can’t adopt if you’re out at work during the day
• you can’t adopt if you don’t have a cat flap
• if uk you adopt, you have to agree that the cat will be indoor only
• we won’t give give you a cat if you have children
• we don’t have any single kittens at the moment

These are just the ones that have responded, many don’t.

If they really are inundated and struggling to rehome cats, you’d think they’d be a bit less picky? I got my current cat from a random lady online whose 2 cats had litters at the same time, so she had about 10 kittens at once. I’ve just seen on pets4homes that she has another 12 kittens to re home now, it’s beyond irresponsible and she has no idea who she’s giving them to. I want to do the responsible thing here, but I probably am going to end up buying a kitten off some random again as the alternative has too many obstacles.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
ReadingSoManyThreads · 07/08/2025 08:28

Vinorosso74 · 07/08/2025 08:17

I volunteer at a CP cat centre and there are no blanket rules around adoption, it's on a cat by cat basis. CP do generally ask for outdoor access unless cat is FIV positive or possible other reasons. Some cats can't live with other cats.
The criteria are in place to reduce the chance of a cat being returned. The staff do adoptions so I'm not involved in that side myself.
People don't always accept their home isn't suitable for a particular cat or they think it's like Amazon where you can get exactly what you want all the time.
There are loads of rescues so please don't line the pockets of greedy breeders. It feels like rescue bashing is a thing at the moment for people to justify buying. Perhaps people should spend time actually seeing what goes. Rant over.

Respectfully, people giving their own experiences of dealing with rescues isn't "rescue bashing". Also, not all breeders are greedy. That's quite a biased viewpoint from you.

Grammarnut · 07/08/2025 08:28

I suggest you have one of the 12 kittens the woman online has - this would be offering a good and responsible home to at least one of her kittens.

CallItLoneliness · 07/08/2025 08:29

I also recommend talking to your vet. We have three cats, one of whom I got from a rescue. The other two also came from a rescue, but through someone who works in our vet clinic. Vets know you, and will help you find the right cat.

KassandraOfSparta · 07/08/2025 08:30

I struggle to believe that an animal's life in a typical rescue is better that in what is deemed to be a slightly suboptimal home.

Exactly this. Animal shelters are ridiculous. Especially the "no kill" ones - because it's better for an aggressive, bitey dog who can't be with children or let outside the house to spend its days in a cage, isn't it?

Runnersandtoms · 07/08/2025 08:31

hoarahloux · 06/08/2025 20:56

I bought my cat because not a single local rescue would allow an indoor only home. If the rescues in your area have that as a requirement you're very lucky, it's extremely uncommon in the UK still.

They're right to not rehome single kittens, btw. Plenty of very good reasons for that too.

Why not single kittens? We had a pair of kittens 15 years,ago and I said if I ever got another cat it would be an only one. Cats are not social animals. They like their own territory. Our girls (littermates) barely tolerated each other once they were adults. One basically bullied the other. They were almost never in the same room together and it got worse the older they got. Most cats (I know there are exceptions) don't really like other cats much, and being biologically related makes no difference.

Grammarnut · 07/08/2025 08:33

Pricelessadvice · 06/08/2025 19:38

I know people having the same problem when trying to rehome dogs. It’s why my friend went and got a rescue from abroad. Her husband works full time but she works part-time so is missing for just 3 hours a day. He also had an 8 year old child. No UK rescue would let her have a dog.

A local charity is always advertising rabbits that have been with them for 2-3 years. I understand that rabbits have requirements and shouldn’t be cooped up in hutches, but they are going to struggle to find people who have a permanent run of 10ft x 6ft that’s accessible 24 hours a day. It’s no wonder people go to pet shops or buy privately.

I would not have a rescue dog if I had young children - there is no guarantee of the dog's temperament. A puppy bought from a reputable breeder, of a breed of your choice, parents both seen, is your best option if you have children.
Rescue dogs have a place in homes without young children, where there will be someone to give the attention and affection they will need, having been displaced. They have feelings and are sentient beings, and will be in mourning for their lost homes, or in terror that the new home will be like the old one. Careful nurturing and no kids required.

AzurePanda · 07/08/2025 08:40

Totally agree. We have a dog already and can’t rule out ever having visiting small children so totally failed in our bid to re home a dog.

Channellingsophistication · 07/08/2025 08:43

We got ours at 9 months old from Battersea. They did interview us and also asked us to get a catflap which we didnt in the end as Kitty is perfectly happy to meow at various doors to come in. Battersea were excellent so caring and matched us perfectly. He's a wonderful pet.
www.battersea.org.uk/cats/cat-rehoming-gallery

loulouljh · 07/08/2025 08:45

Agree, We have had the same issue with getting a dog...and although i say it myself we are the perfect family to rehome. Knowledgeable, working from home so always there, garden, older children etc etc.

Shitshowcentral · 07/08/2025 08:45

They’re overrun BECAUSE they’re so bloody fussy.

tried to adopt a puppy. Took my (playful as anything) pug to meet before adopting. They played, The puppy (who was 9 weeks old!!!!) for a SPLIT second froze/jerked. When I say a split second I mean blink and you’ll miss it. Que the handler dragging it back saying they were incompatible, showing signs of aggression etc.

they want the blood of your first born child to adopt. So I’ll continue happily shopping!

Katemax82 · 07/08/2025 08:48

I looked on pets4homes for my sons cat. We had to drive from ashford kent yo Bexleyheath but the nice lady who had many pets was looking to remove one of her cats as he didn't get on with her other cats. She trusted us despite not knowing us and im.glad she did as we all love him so much. There's probably a lot of bad things about this website but it worked out for us

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 07/08/2025 08:48

I live in a tiny hamlet on a very very quiet back road (as in about ten cars a day). We still managed to lose a cat to an RTA when she was struck by the school bus doing its pick up. Sometimes it's just in the lap of the gods and I wish rescue places would realise this and stop rehoming only to mansions with no children and access only by helicopter.

Isobel201 · 07/08/2025 08:51

I hate the 'adopt, don't shop' thing, there's good reasons to go for breeders. We need to keep the genes going for decent dog breeds. And yes rescues can be restrictive. I wasn't able to adopt even a pair of kittens when I was out working full time before covid from the RSPCA. My last two adoptions have been single adult cats.

Sparklingred · 07/08/2025 08:53

Pickingmyselfup · 06/08/2025 20:59

I've done both, got 2 cats from a rescue and bought one from a breeder. Out of 9 rats, 8 have come from breeders as babies too.

I will only ever go to a reputable breeder who does all of the health checks, doesn't breed to excess and either breeds to improve the breed or to produce well bred family pets.

If I get a rescue it's from an actual rescue or a friend who needs a home for her cat!

Neither are perfect though because both don't allow autonomy, you have to stick to their rules or you aren't allowed an animal..

A rescue won't let you keep a cat inside even if you lived next to a motorway and had a huge garden you could cat proof and many object to kids even if they've grown up with cats.

A breeder won't let you have a cat that goes outside and one even turned me down because I was planning on having children in the future They are usually ok about kids though.

I want to be able to make the right choices for my own cats because it's not one size fits all. If I lived next to a motorway I wouldn't be letting my cat roam but if I had acres of land it wouldn't be an issue. Some cats might be allowed out but turn into an indoor cat by choice and your indoor cat might be miserable and escape at every single opportunity so you may as well admit defeat (unless you live on a motorway in which case I would actually re-home/return to breeder for it's own safety)

Most kittens will be fine with children if supervised properly, I understand adult cats needing to go to a quiet home though.

I wouldn't go to a backyard breeder because I want someone who cares for their cats and takes the time to microchip/vaccinate/health test/socialise and not just churn animals out for money but I do understand why people do because of the rules rescues and breeders put in place.

A breeder won't let you have a cat that goes outside and one even turned me down because I was planning on having children in the future They are usually ok about kids though.

This reminds me of a friend who wanted to adopt a cat with her DH shortly after their wedding. They were asked who would keep the cat if they divorced. Madness 😄

DurinsBane · 07/08/2025 08:54

Yes they can be a nightmare.
i would get a kitten from someone. Most people struggle to sell them as there are so many, so you could probably get one for £20 or so

pinkstripeycat · 07/08/2025 08:56

I’d get from a random seller for this reason but I’d still worry that they were breeding their cat when there’s no need as there are too many cats in rescue. It’s crazy when rescues want you to be at home all day for a cat!

Same with dog. Rescue made it really difficult so we got our 18 month old from a private online seller on Pets for Homes. Thankfully seller was genuine and he keeps in touch.

We got our cat as a kitten from the RSPCA as Cat Protection League said no.

We’d already had 3 kittens (same litter) from CPL a few years before and because 2 went missing they wouldn’t let us have any more. I’ve had cats my whole life and these are the only 2 that ever disappeared. We’ve lived in the same house for 15 years and the same street for 53 years.

MyFavouriteSpoon · 07/08/2025 08:59

iloveeverykindofcat · 07/08/2025 06:40

I know a lot of people say this but its very very cat dependant. My rescue one is flighty and highly strung and my extremely stable senior has been the best thing in the world for her. Granted, my senior is an absolute gem of a cat, her temperament is solid gold and her health is amazing. At a superficial level you'd think the little one was the dominant cat in the house because she acts big, but its fake. The senior is. The little one will lick her head in a way that shows she's really eager to please her, when its not too hot she wants to lie near her with her head touching her, and she looks to her to know what's safe. When I got a new carrier I left it on the living room floor for ages and the little one would not go in until the senior did. Only after senior had been in, she copied her and went inside. Also senior teaches her boundaries in a cat way - if she gets pesty, she either does one short hiss and a no-claw slap, or totally blanks her and calmly turns her head away. This has taught the little one respect, and she knows that if senior goes in her den, she must leave her be. She's made her a more balanced cat.

Edited
Show quote history

Hence I said "generally". Not a blanket rule, there are some exceptions. But I've been involved in hundreds of rescues and adoptions and I'm highly experienced and trained, with qualifications in behaviour and welfare, my advice comes from science and practical personal experience. One of the biggest welfare issues currently facing domestic cats is multi cat households where many cats are forced to live in domestic properties with other unrelated cats and absolutely hate it.

user482904 · 07/08/2025 09:01

Agree OP- I had this experience but with dog rescues.

I work part time, have a large house, large fenced in garden, the beautiful south downs and fields literally behind our house, loads of experience growing up with dogs etc But because I had kids (they were ages 10 and 12 at the time so not toddlers) and because I worked part time they said no to every suggestion I made. Ironically, a retired couple who were also looking they said no to because even though they didnt work they were apparently "too old". You couldnt make it up

So yeah, good luck with finding a millionaire (who can afford vets bills without some kind of income??) hermit who doesnt have to work, with no visiting family or friends who never leaves the house ever, and is between the ages of 25 and 50.

fnfjfjf · 07/08/2025 09:02

I agree. I’ve always had cats. We had two when my DC were born; they died at 15+ years when my DC were under 10. Rescues here wouldn’t let cats go to homes with young children. So we got one from gumtree 🤷‍♀️

I think they should accept references from vets; had they gone to our vet they’d have seen a 15+ year relationship where our cats had been neutered, had yearly vaccinations and checks and been taken for any injuries etc. The vet would be able to confirm that they’d been well taken care of.

What does having a large house with spare room prove?!

We decided to get one as cats cost a lot more to insure/ medical wise when they get to old age and if they develop certain illnesses! Yes, you need to entertain them more as kittens if you don’t get a pair, but that intense stage doesn’t last forever.

RitaAndFrank · 07/08/2025 09:02

Totally agree. We looked to rehome when we bought our cats and because we had young children at the time, we simply couldn’t! So I bought a couple of farm cats for about £30 each and they’ve been brilliant. They’ve had wonderful lives and when (shock horror) we introduced dogs to the family (again, really hard to find suitable matches) the cats took it in their stride. While it’s good that these rescues are vigilant, I do feel that their conditions are far too strict.

Original poster
totallybonafido · 07/08/2025 09:05

Horserider5678 · 07/08/2025 06:46

I’ve no idea what rescues you’re trying as it’s not true! My cat is a rescue, from a well known charity. There’s no requirement that he must stay inside or adopt another one to go with him! You’ve actually contradicted yourself, if they’re saying they have to be house cats why are they saying you need a catflap 🤦‍♀️ cats with feline immunodeficiency virus (FIV), which pose a risk of infecting other cats should be house cats!

Show quote history

I'm not contradicting myself, these are requirements from various different rescues. One required a cat flap, another wanted cats to be indoor only.

OP posts:
Original poster
totallybonafido · 07/08/2025 09:06

Spindrifts · 07/08/2025 06:57

Have you tried any agencies on the south coast who get cats in from France?

I haven't, I will have a look, thanks.

OP posts:
VenusClapTrap · 07/08/2025 09:07

If you’re on Facebook, try the Cat Rescue UK page. There are rescue places on there that re-home throughout the UK and will drive a cat to you if they aren’t close by. There are also rescues on there that only re-home to indoor only homes, for those in flats or on busy roads.

Don’t discount adopting from abroad. Obviously it’s better to give a home to a local mog, but if your local rescues won’t help you then it’s better than buying from a backyard breeder or randomer on Gumtree who will keep churning them out and dumping them when they don’t sell / get sick.

BackToLurk · 07/08/2025 09:10

totallybonafido · 06/08/2025 19:33

Yes I know it’s better to adopt rather than to buy a kitten from some random person online - but rescue places make it so difficult! I’m trying to get a new friend for my cat and I’m not getting anywhere.

I've contacted all local rescues, big and small, who claim to be inundated with cats and kittens, and been told:
• they only re home kittens in pairs
• you can’t adopt if you’re out at work during the day
• you can’t adopt if you don’t have a cat flap
• if uk you adopt, you have to agree that the cat will be indoor only
• we won’t give give you a cat if you have children
• we don’t have any single kittens at the moment

These are just the ones that have responded, many don’t.

If they really are inundated and struggling to rehome cats, you’d think they’d be a bit less picky? I got my current cat from a random lady online whose 2 cats had litters at the same time, so she had about 10 kittens at once. I’ve just seen on pets4homes that she has another 12 kittens to re home now, it’s beyond irresponsible and she has no idea who she’s giving them to. I want to do the responsible thing here, but I probably am going to end up buying a kitten off some random again as the alternative has too many obstacles.

Where is this? We adopted a single kitten from the RSPCA.. We already had a cat but she wasn't overly keen on him tbh. We don't have a cat flap, there was never any mention of being indoor only.

Freysimo · 07/08/2025 09:15

Vinorosso74 · 07/08/2025 08:17

I volunteer at a CP cat centre and there are no blanket rules around adoption, it's on a cat by cat basis. CP do generally ask for outdoor access unless cat is FIV positive or possible other reasons. Some cats can't live with other cats.
The criteria are in place to reduce the chance of a cat being returned. The staff do adoptions so I'm not involved in that side myself.
People don't always accept their home isn't suitable for a particular cat or they think it's like Amazon where you can get exactly what you want all the time.
There are loads of rescues so please don't line the pockets of greedy breeders. It feels like rescue bashing is a thing at the moment for people to justify buying. Perhaps people should spend time actually seeing what goes. Rant over.

I agree. So many people are of the "I want it and I want it now" generation. What's wrong with waiting for a suitable pet? If you are turned down by a rescue, there's a good reason. Or apply to foster?