AIBU to send DC to private school funded by the LA

[missrachelsavesmedaily]

I was taken back by best friends response to my DC getting a new school setting come September.
we have been friends since we were children and tend to discuss a lot of things that I would not discuss with ofhers.
we struggled to find a school setting for DC come September when they start secondary school.
I have 3 children and we are financially comfortable I could pay the fee for private school for 1 but not 3 without it effecting our lives too much although 100 percent would not be able to do the same for the others.

DC starts a private school that was named on EHCP in September and we are extremely lucky to have been granted the school without tribunals.
we have accepted the place and the LA accepted the cost - I didn’t really think anything of it to be honest there was no other choices of schools such they are entitled to an education funded.
she got quite opinionated about the fees being covered !
should I be offering to pay towards the fees ?

She’s jealous because your dc has needs that cannot be supported in a state school setting? Surround yourself with better people.

Not unless you are asked. But why tell your friend? It's your child, your business. If the LA are agreeable to paying that's it. Hope it goes well.

I think it’s complicated.

Everyone wants the best for their child. It’s clear mainstream schools are not able to provide the support needed.

But - mainstream schools aren’t able to support pupils without EHCPs very well either much of the time, and the high cost of private education means they have no alternatives.

I also think there’s a broader theme possibly that people are quite surprised how much LA’s are spending on specialist educational settings while other services seem to be crumbling into nothingness.

A multi-faceted debate.

It takes a lot for a LA to accept naming a private school on an EHCP - they must have been genuinely the only one that could meet your DC's needs if that happened.

Ignore your friend - maybe make her a ex-friend?

I’m on my own with the 3 kids and during the process she was there - as It is not usually something I discuss with friends but we have been friends for 25 years and have helped many of times over the years with issues regarding the children.

That's the way.the system works ,the LA are obliged to find a school that can meet your child's needs .

Do you mind me asking if your child is what would be deemed ‘high functioning’? I would love this for my son eventually (also has an EHCP) but he’s 6 with a severe speech delay so I think chances might be slim.

And to answer you question, no I don’t think you should pay. You did nothing underhanded or illegal, your friend is what I’d describe as a ‘hater’ lol

Complex but high functioning. Lots of diagnoses but very academic with no behavioural concerns

Yes I think it’s much more complex but I did not demand independent my 3 parental preferences were all La maintained.

Thanks for answering :)

Just ignore your friend the LA have agreed to fund it because they beleive it can meet your child's need,s that's all there is too it.

It’s not complicated. There isn’t an option within the LA which will meet OP’s child’s needs. If the LA want to change it, they should provide it within the state system. OP is not responsible for the failings of the LA and shouldn’t feel guilty because her child is being provided for when others aren’t. If the OP paid the fee, those kids would still not be having their needs met, it doesn’t work like that.

I would day their “ main need “ in terms of Sen although there is other elements is Speech and communication.

presumably your child has very serious and extensive needs

surely you know this
surely you don’t give a toss what ignorant “friends” think

Presumably you (or an advocate) had to make a case for this school?

I have a friend who had a similar situation. Her daughter had a very unusual and specific set of requirements in her EHCP. No local state school could reasonably cater for her, and her parents put forward a very strong case for a local private SEN school. This was (rightly) accepted by the LA. All good.

I would carefully explain to your friend that this is the only school locally that can cater for your DC. If she really is a friend, she'll understand and be happy for you.

Lots of diagnoses

and this “friend” still thinks you’re taking the pee?

You haven’t been given anything Op

Aside from the LA meeting a legal requirement to educate your child with clearly extensive needs and “Lots of diagnoses”

This “friend”… has this come out of the blue?

The system is a bit mad but you didn't design it and are doing what you have to within that system. Don't worry about it.

This won’t be a mainstream private school

I haven’t said OP should feel guilty, I’m providing a suggestion as to why she’s had an unexpected response from her friend.

Like it or not, it is very controversial that the number of EHCPs and cost of providing suitable school places has ballooned enormously in recent years - and the cost of this to LAs.

Everyone wants the best for their kids, but there is a legitimate debate to be had as to what exactly should LA’s be obliged to fund and the cost of that.

I’m not sure what the benefit is of pretending that discussion doesn’t exist, given it’s trotted out in the press near weekly at the moment (no doubt why OP’s friend has formulated some opinions beyond the expected ‘that sounds like a great thing for your DS’.

I think Possibly the opposite in some ways complex yes but was not severe enough to be given a place in any of the LA maintained Sen schools.

Well, it's not as if all 3 kids are going there.

I wouldn't bother speaking to her again tbh.

This isn’t a mainstream private school OP. Fact.

Your child is attending a private specialist school. My friend’s DD is too. It is very far from the Eton image of a private school. It is a specialist school for children such as your son who have multiple diagnoses

Haha no not a chance ! Never even considered private school.

I work at a mainstream inde, we've had 3 kids go through in LA funding. 🤷‍♀️