AIBU to send DC to private school funded by the LA

[missrachelsavesmedaily]

I was taken back by best friends response to my DC getting a new school setting come September.
we have been friends since we were children and tend to discuss a lot of things that I would not discuss with ofhers.
we struggled to find a school setting for DC come September when they start secondary school.
I have 3 children and we are financially comfortable I could pay the fee for private school for 1 but not 3 without it effecting our lives too much although 100 percent would not be able to do the same for the others.

DC starts a private school that was named on EHCP in September and we are extremely lucky to have been granted the school without tribunals.
we have accepted the place and the LA accepted the cost - I didn’t really think anything of it to be honest there was no other choices of schools such they are entitled to an education funded.
she got quite opinionated about the fees being covered !
should I be offering to pay towards the fees ?

Of course you shouldn’t offer. If the LA named the school then they pay.

Lots of aspects of current SEN provision could be described as cheeky but absolutely not this. It’s a bit cheeky of the previous government to have underfunded schools to the extent they can no longer adequately support children with (in some cases) only modest SEN such that it’s a choice between private school or school refusal. And it’s cheeky of the current administration to compound the issue by making these families pay VAT on top. No family of a child with SEN is playing the system. And I’m sure we would all prefer to be able to send them off to the local comps their friends and siblings attend without a second thought.

YANBU

As well as the fact your child is entitled to this, I’m in Scotland so it may be different in England, but up here the LA only remain responsible for your child’s education if they pay the fees. So you paying could mean the LA no longer have responsibility

@ThatsNotMyTeen it is similar in England.

If the school is named in section I of the EHCP, the LA is responsible for education, including the fees and the special educational provision.

Sometimes where the threshold to outright name the school in section I of the EHCP isn’t met, some LAs will sometimes come to an arrangement whereby the parents pay the fees and the LA funds the special educational provision. But this isn’t common. It is less common now than in the past. And LAs do not have to agree. Many LAs will say parents are making suitable alternative arrangements, thereby relieving them of their duty.

@x2boysOP’s child has a physical disability, complex health needs, no behaviour issues, above average in SATS etc. Her child will be an asset to the school and to the pupils learning alongside. Where do you get the idea from that children with SEN are not wanted in mainstream schools?

From the numerous threads on here.

I didn’t say I had the answers and I didn’t say I judged the parents, but yes I think the level of spending is problematic. That is not the same as saying I want the kids to suffer. Grow up.

Try reading the actual post. I didn’t say you wanted DC to suffer or that you judged parents. I don’t need to ‘grow up’, thanks. Those who can’t read posts and find the support disabled DC require ‘problematic’ on the other hand, do.

Easy to say you find it problematic/troubling when you can’t answer where these disabled DC should be educated.

I don't think you understand the education system
All children are entitled to an education
If their needs cannot be met in a mainstream school then the LA has a responsibility to find a school that does meet the child's
Even if that's a private school the Op shouldn't have to pay for something all children are entitled too

Your child is entitled to an education. The fact that the LA can’t provide it in their settings mean that they have to find and fund the alternative. It’s not your problem, it’s your friend’s.

My teenage DSS is in a specialist school, wheelchair and is developmentally around 2. He is in nappies for context. He went to a specialist nursery. I met him when he was 4 and have been in his life since. The cost of his care, respite, carers, transport to school etc is honestly staggering in the context of our two younger DC. Do I resent him? Absolutely not and am I glad the provision is available to him? Yes. Because our life without it would be impossible.

Ideally, EVERY child would get the education they deserve.

DH agrees the cost is enormous and it’s difficult to balance that in the wider context. But ultimately when it’s YOUR child you strive for the very best. But then when you go to DC’s school and the books are battered and their education isn’t the quality it should or could be, because of a lack of resource and funding it’s hard.

Thats why I don’t judge OP, but yes, find the cost difficult.

But well done for judging me who has lived through the reality of a child with physical and cognitive disabilities.

Well that's a drip feed andches not your child is he he's your step child.

@x2boys it’s not a drip feed. I shouldn’t have to disclose my personal circumstances to share an opinion and people shouldn’t assume I am totally naive to the issues at play just because I haven’t.

No - he’s not my child, but he’s my DC’s sibling, my DH’s child and part of our family and household. His disabilities, care, medical needs and behavioural challenges have a huge impact on the landscape of mine and DC’s life so the fact he’s “not my child” doesn’t alter the practicalities of our day to day lives.

Dh and I share and have at times openly discussed the same views. And he’s DH’s child so is his opinion invalid too?

That's an outrageous comment. She's been in his life for over decade and it sounds like they have a huge involvement. Wind your neck in.

@RhaenysRocks thank you

I didn’t say you resented DSS. I did use the word resent in a previous post about another comment - hence the pp to you included / to cover different wording to explain X2boys comment. To use your words, you find the cost ‘troubling’ and ‘problematic’. The cost is part of DC receiving the provision they require. If it could be delivered cheaper, the LA would be doing so.

Ideally, EVERY child would get the education they deserve.
strive for the very best.

They are separate arguments to DC being legally entitled to appropriate education with the provision reasonably required. No-one is entitled to the best. The current law isn’t about what people deserve.

You aren’t the only one who has DC with complex needs. DS1 has complex physical, developmental, psychological and medical needs. He has an EOTAS package. DS2&3 also have EHCPs, with DS3’s needs also being as such that no school is appropriate and he has an EOTIS package.

They can fund mainstream private schools if they say they can cope with needs. There’s a mainstream private school in my county that does exactly that. Happy to share the name via PM.

@flawlessflipper they’re not separate arguments, they’re considerations which form the basis of my opinion. I’m not speaking about the application of the law I’m speaking about my view.

Obviously there’s more than one person with disabled DC otherwise this thread wouldn’t have gained any traction, would it.

Sounds great OP your lucky DC. Ignore your silly friend

They are separate arguments. Whatever anyone’s view, one is based on the law, the other two are not.

I didn’t say there wasn’t more than one person with disabled DC on the thread. You explained your context. I was merely explaining mine.

Yes I understand the LA has a statutory duty and that’s where the obligation for them to spend whatever the cost for an appropriate education comes from.

The thing with Special Schools particularly, is it can be really difficult to find out if the quality of the education is poor. Locally, a parent took to social media to raise concerns about an SLD school. She'd tried the official routes and been shut down. A long and awful story cut short, the parent was correct, and the subsequent findings were horrific.

It take a lot of trust to put a vulnerable child into a taxi when they may not be able to communicate things that are happening at school or on the journey. Social media makes it easier for families to connect as there isn't usually a 'school-gate' opportunity to meet otherwise, but even still, you don't get the casual observations as you typically do with school runs to the local mainstream.

One of my DC had a mainstream education with no EHCP. Were his schools' amazing? No. Might he have done better with some extra, personal funding? Probably. But DS3 would have been excluded after 2 minutes on site. His education will always be more expensive and I doubt he'll go to university like DS2. Keeping DS3 engaged in an education he can access will make a huge difference to him as he approaches adulthood, and reduce support costs there.

You have a severely physically disabled child with multiple diagnoses? You’re comfortable but one set of school fees would be your maximum you could ever afford, so hardly rolling it.

And this is a friend of 25 years who thinks you should pay.

Get better friends Op. It is that simple