AIBU to send DC to private school funded by the LA

[missrachelsavesmedaily]

I was taken back by best friends response to my DC getting a new school setting come September.
we have been friends since we were children and tend to discuss a lot of things that I would not discuss with ofhers.
we struggled to find a school setting for DC come September when they start secondary school.
I have 3 children and we are financially comfortable I could pay the fee for private school for 1 but not 3 without it effecting our lives too much although 100 percent would not be able to do the same for the others.

DC starts a private school that was named on EHCP in September and we are extremely lucky to have been granted the school without tribunals.
we have accepted the place and the LA accepted the cost - I didn’t really think anything of it to be honest there was no other choices of schools such they are entitled to an education funded.
she got quite opinionated about the fees being covered !
should I be offering to pay towards the fees ?

This turned in to a completely different debate !

My son was at a mainstream private school for 3 years before he was moved to a specialist independent school. There were a few other children there whose fees were paid fully by the LA.

Well done OP for getting your child the education they need. I hope they thrive in their new school.

I think your the one that is being bizarre.

do you mind me asking if they ever had a speech delay?

In terms of complex and severe needs - it’s not always associated with SEN. DC is very academic and has no behaviour concerns.

Your friend is jealous, OP.

I've had similar. I've got an illness that makes it impossible to work so I am getting disability benefits. I told somebody who I thought was a close friend and she started telling how unfair it was and how hard she works and how little money she earns etc etc. I'd give anything to get my health back and be in a position to work.

Yes they are severely delayed in speech but not related to anything like autism but due to CP.

So what are the concerns?

Do you know the OP? Otherwise why on earth would you say that with such authority? I work in a small, pastorally strong, non selective, mainstream Indie and we have a number of kids funded by LA, by charities and self funded who have some quite complex needs in relation to sensory issues but can not just cope but thrive in our setting. We are categorically NOT and SEN or specialist school, just small, relatively calm and quiet with the capacity to actually implement individualised strategies for children as needed . I'm sure we aren't the only school that does similar.

I should add I have no issues if they were going to a Sen school. I had chosen the local complex health needs and Sen school as parental preference which was LA maintenaned.

That sounds very similar to the prep school my son was at before moving to specialist independent. As mentioned above, a few pupils there were fully funded by the LA.

Dc is physically disabled that impacts the ability to access classroom and severe communication needs and life limiting disease. Academically with adaption technology Is independent with above average scores.

When I’ve needed to be “diplomatic” with other mums about LA funding my child’s school, because they defo thought their tax ££ was being spent more on my child than theirs.
I inserted: the LA has decided is CHEAPER to fund the small number of children to the private school, than it would be for the council to build and run its own school. (Because it was true .. )

Remind her that the law is that everyone is entitled to an education that meets their needs. It is the states responsibility to provide it - so that’s what the LA are providing.

Not yours or your DS’ fault or problem that that’s within an independent school.

Tell her if she wants better state education to start campaigning for it.

You may have 19 years experience, but you are mistaken about this. LAs can and do name mainstream private schools on EHCPS where there is no suitable maintained provision. Your area may rule it out in their local policy and presumably have been able to secure suitable provision without recourse to private mainstream, but every area will differ in what is available.

Back to the actual OP ..no you shouldn't feel guilty. This is how the system should work and hurrah for you and your son. I'm currently flailing around deseparatly funding my child's fees because he's not "bad enough" for an EHCP but was "bad enough" to get bullied to fuck in state and so needed moving. If we could get a cross party, twenty years agreement to double education funding, cut every secondary school in half and double up staff to be able to provide what my school does, we'd see far less need for specialist settings for all but v severe needs . An awful lot of AuDHD just need some flexibility, quiet, withdrawal spaces and visibility that comes with fewer students to keep track of and an eye on.

Yes 100 percent. My dc loves school but the secondary schools around here are crazy big which they would struggle with. DC has no use of one his arms and dyspraxia of speech. None of them were accessible.

I know of a child with SEN and a EHCP who attends a mainstream secondary private school. He was in my child’s year at primary. I know people who attend the school and it’s definitely not a specialist SEN school. Maybe they have separate classes but I doubt it. I just assumed it was because he is/ was high functioning autistic and needed the smaller class sizes.

Birmingham city council.

Tricky. There were 2 private schools near where I grew up whose pupils were (one in particular) pretty much all LA and Guild charity funded. The other was very much a school that in the 60s would have been called a borstal. They were both in lovely old country houses, acres of land, heated indoor pools, a lot of 1:1. Absolutely brilliant.

But it was understandable that the local families whose kids got the crap secondary modern might feel aggrieved.

I don't know why your friend has reacted this way. This is exactly the kind of thing the government should pay for for those who need it and I say this as someone who pays a hell of a lot of tax! Education should be accessible to all.

It's not tricky at all it's the law and if parents feel aggrieved maybe they would prefer a child with disabilities, no thought not.

You should not feel guilty at all for advocating for the best support possible for your DC. Any parent would do the same.

On a systemic level though, the current SEN system is not sustainable and is going to bankrupt councils. We cannot continue to fund so many independent placements and taxis. I think the profits made by some of these providers also need looked at.

My only concern from your perspective is that Labour are reviewing the SEN system and are likely to cut some of the support offered. They have also not committed to retain existing entitlements.

In my experience with other aspects of need, not children, LA's won't cough up a penny unless its unavoidable. Accept the school funding and don't give it another thought. If your "friend" is jealous of the funding perhaps she'd like all the stress and worry that goes with it.

Congrats to your child.
Your friend can mope elsewhere.

There are quite a number of non designated special independent schools where the majority of pupils are neurodivergent and many of whom are sponsored by the local authority. A friend of mine's ND DD goes to one after suffering the most terrible time at an LA school. The school describes itself as a non-selective independent school and it is only the Autism Accredited badge which shows the school's specialism. It is a completely different type of school to most independents with a very high staff to pupil ratio and tiny, tiny classes.