Am I being dramatic or was this a bit aggressive

[ThatKeenJadeLeader]

I have been having therapy for 6 months. Not missed a session or a payment.

I live in an area where I depend on WiFi as mobile data is awful. Went to log into my session and my Teams wouldn’t load.

Tried rebooting etc, eventually got back online after 7 minutes but the teams wouldn’t load. Don’t have the therapists number so went to send an email apologising and saying I was trying to get on and couldn’t.

Was met by an email stating she had waited on call for 5 minutes, this slot could have been used by another person in need and I’m to make full payment for the session within 5 days or she’ll pass to a debt collection agency and all future planned sessions are now cancelled.

This happened within literally 10 minutes of me trying to get online.

I replied saying I had had some slight trouble getting onto the call and just made the payment.

She then replied saying it’s fine! Did I want her to call me to use the last 30 minutes of the session. I did not.

Am I being dramatic or is this really aggressive over ten minutes. I’ve always paid and I’ve been speaking to her for 6 months.

Im really put off now and don’t want to speak to her anymore. I fully understand she has a business to run but as a client who’s been with her that long it’s a bit OTT?

Wow that email is appalling.

I would be really hurt by that OP.

I would send her an email telling her how inappropriate that message was. To send it while you were still trying to connect to the session, when there was still probably 30 minutes left is awful.

What if something terrible had happened to you or your family? Most people would be concerned rather than consider a message chasing payment.

I think some therapists get themselves so ‘boundaried’ that common sense and compassion fly out of the window. @ThatKeenJadeLeader , if you have the energy to do so I would be inclined to email her saying that you had been finding the sessions useful ( presumably that’s why you continued?) but this wording and in this situation you have simply lost all faith in your professional relationship together. That to be threatened with a debt collection agency by someone you trusted this much has caused you real distress.

Although it won’t bring back what you had it gives you the chance to tell her how you feel for one last time.

Best wishes.

It sounds like a standard email has been automatically sent out for non-attendance, particularly because she sent another friendly email saying it’s fine.

I would raise it with her though. Explain that you thought the email was aggressive in tone considering a one-off and see what she says.

I'm self employed. Sometimes people take a few days to pay. It's annoying, but I send a friendly reminder by text. Never would I mention debt collectors at that point - it's completely OTT.

Did I want her to call me to use the last 30 minutes of the session.

I’d have taken her up on the offer and given her a piece of my mind for 30 minutes!!!

This.

I would not continue to see her as a therapist.

I would find another therapist. I’d just be too uncomfortable speaking to her again after what happened. I once was 5 minutes late for a vet’s appointment. Our cat was notoriously difficult to put in its travel case - the vet knew this. I had started over an hour before the appointment (trying to get it in its cage) and yet only made it 5 minutes late. I was upset, sweaty, and apologetic and then got a telling off from the vet. OMG. I am never, ever late and we had gone to this vet for years. I have lost hours, days, weeks of my life waiting in waiting rooms of doctors, dentists, and this vet, too. But the ONE time I am late, I get told off? That was the last time we went to see her! Dear OP, I hope you’re ok and that you’ll find a good solution that works well for you.

This does sound like an automated email.
If she is using software to run the sessions it may well be a template email in which case she may well not even have seen the wording. I had a similar situation when setting up a new system. I had to go through rewording reminder emails as they were all stuffy and gave no leeway at all. I would have been mortified if one of them had reached a client but it could easily have done!
Given her response to your email, I would talk to her and find out what's going on.

That is aggressive and not what you need from a therapist, especially as you have been with her a long time and always been reliable. I would not continue with her if thar was me

Super aggressive tone. It'd be one thing having those as T&C's but to have that email come 10 minutes in - no. You'd always be stressed about WiFi issues if you stayed with her for a start! She seems to think her services are colossally in demand so I wouldn't feel guilty about going elsewhere yourself 😉

I'd find a new therapist and as PP have said agree an emergency alternative way of contact (eg a number you can call from a landline) or check upfront what happens (I'd expect them to clarify their terms for no-shows anyway).

But even if it's a standard email, it's over the top. And it's an indication that she's not on top of things if she generates emails like that and then has to send other emails to say it's 'fine'. Bad admin at very least, and potentially very upsetting for new, vulnerable clients.

Very aggressive, I used to draft counselling contracts and there should be a clause in yours that states how many sessions can be missed before they are cancelled. But 10 mins delay followed by the response you got would put me off.

Ridiculous on her part. The only person this would have effected is you losing ten mins of your therapy time, she was still being paid and clearly had the heads up you were trying to log in. I wouldn’t feel comfortable being vulnerable with such a person again. I’d find someone else.

My Goodness I'm so sorry to hear you experienced this from someone whom's meant to be helping heal you, on your side & in your corner
She's so out of order & the aggressive tone she demonstrated towards you could easily throw a vulnerable person right over the edge
Please look for a compassionate empathetic understanding new counsellor
They do exist & times the best true test of showing their true colours
God Bless You&Yours
💚🌼💚

Completely Concur With You

Yes couldn't agree with you more sincere soul

how can you not see being threatened with going to a debt collector...and after 5 mins ..as not being aggressive and un called for?

They are to wait 15 minutes for this exact reason, do you have a engagement contact, legally they must have you sign an engagement contact that will tell you about waiting periods and fees for none attends.
If you've signed one that states this then she's within her right to enforce it if she's not made you sign one then you can dispute it and tell her it was unreasonable . However you should really be trying to sign on at least 10 minutes prior to appointment , so you bring any issues to her attention prior to the start of the appointment, this should also be in your contract. Me and my therapist both have issues using teams and takes us around 5-20 to get in and it sometimes glitches.

I would just send her an email about it, and ask for her number incase this happens again and ask her for the benefit of the doubt , it seems silly to throw away a working relationship over something so silly. Just communicate your feelings to her respectfully and she may offer you a solution. Me and my therapist just usually laugh and make bets for how long its going to take us to get on line at our next session haha 😄 but I do communicate any issues prior to the appointment time starting so she doesn't charge me because I've notified her prior to the start time and she will still give me my full hour.
Don't cut your nose off to spite your face , your lack of planning was also a problem here

Yes it's an aggressive mannered email & could be the final nail in the coffin for someone in need of therapy in the 1st place
Is she trying to send vulnerable folk to an early grave💚😩
Money should never be the prime priority for those whom choose counselling for their vocation 🙏

Absolutely 🙌💯

She needs a therapist. That’s ridiculous.

Probably more hurtful as she knows more about you and your issues/problems and what your dealing with therefore should not be so hard faced business

I wouldn't bother with her again. Things happen in life we have no control over and she obviously hasn't taken it into consideration. Money is nearly always important to the private therapists. Ask your GP to refer you to NHS one...no charge and most are really good. Gill x

This is absolutely disgusting ive just sent it to my auntie who does counselling,cbt etc in the uk and she said thats bad on many levels and she needs reporting ...I dont know whether your in the uk or not?

That's shocking. I was once late for a session (very unusual) as I got the time totally mixed up. My therapist texted me after 10 mins, was really understanding when I arrived late, and actually gave me some extra time for free. I know that no one is under obligation to do that, but your therapist's response sounds absolutely shocking - I can imagine that the trust is completely broken.