Farmers Wives?

[Hotdays]

Is there a farmers wives topic on MN? A safe place to discuss our worries/woes/regrets/hardships/joys etc. I believe it takes a certain type of woman to be able to be a farmers wife 😂 It is an extremely hard situation to be in for different reasons for all, the complexity of it all is something most wives cannot understand. For me personally being a “farmers wife” is difficult, because we dont live on the farm, yet hubby needs to be there 7 days a week.

I seem to remember a similar question to yours some time back....whether anything ever materialised I can't remember......shall go looking....

Can only find Rural Living if that helps? Anyway, as I said, sure someone else asked this. It may well have been asked and not enough support for it was generated. It took quite some time to get Black Mumsnetters up and running for example.
Best thing is to post in Site Stuff and/or report your own post so MNHQ see it and hopefully respond.

If its the complexity of never seeing your husband then I think many people can relate, mines out all the time working, 7am til about 8/9 at night, when he does come home hes catching up with work and on the weekend if he,s not working then im out working so we are like ships passing. At home I have to do everything bit like being a single parent, all the house hold tasks fall at my feet, gardening , not a bit of weeding but massive hedges and trees, maintence of the house, diy, car maintainence, kids, dogs, emergencies etc all my job. When my husband is home hes exhausted, so if i need a hand for particular jobs he has to take a day off which has to be booked so its easier to get on with it myself. We live quiet rural but are not from the farming community, it does get isolated but im so busy I,d never have time to go out. Theres always jobs to do, we do get a rare day off together but when you have to work they are rare.

I'm a farmers wife. It is complicated, far more than I possibly could have understood before hand!

I couldn’t find a ‘ Farmer’s Wives’ section but there was a thread about this topic in Relationships last year -

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5025229-any-other-farmers-wives-out-there

Sympathies @Hotdays , I know that farming families have their own very unique challenges.

Oh its much more complex than that :) Im not just a farmers wife just to add, incase of confusion, as are many farmers wives we also need a job. I need a job as i am the main bread winner as husband receives very little wage, certainly not enough to raise a family. The farm business does not fund us at present at all, only his mother father and sister.

That's added stress then trying to pay the bills whilst juggling everything else.

Are you me!! At the moment my ILs still have the 'main farm' but DH does a LOOOT of the work. Yes he will inherit it so it is in his best interest for it to be in good shape, but that's something I only really cottoned onto recently. He will inherit it. So if things went tits up between us before that (highly unlikely) I would be left with nothing. Even though I have financially (in directly) helped to build the farm.

I thankfully only work part time. I'm an accountant so I can get a good wage for a few days. But my days 'off' I have the DC. I do runs to the hardware. Lodge cheques (yes lots!). House/ Laundry/ food shop/ food prep/ meal cooking/ arse wiping! ALL life and farm admin. Fill in forms for gov things. Do the accounts. 'Deal' with banks.

DH then also works for himself which is actually taking off and starting to make decent money. But we need my wage. Without it there is no way he could have got where he is, because instead of expanding/ improving the farm his money would have been needed in our house.

I have posted on here before about the house. We pay a 'mortgage' to his parents but they still get to decide on any changes.

Your farmer husbands just sound like they have a very time consuming and expensive hobby. Not really a viable job if it doesn't make much money.

No judgement. I'd love a bloody farm. I'd happily live in a crumbling shack if I had land and animals. But calling it what it is.

I admire farmers. their wives and their families. I couldn't do it. The pressure,the hours,the dedication of grafting day in and day out with no certainty , blimey its really not for the faint hearted. It takes a very special person to understand and live that life. I would be buckling under the pressure after a week if I lasted that long! How do you plan? How do you all cope?You all must be exhausted all the time both mentally and physically.

Are you serious? Most farmers don't "make money"! It's a complete myth spun by Labour.
Farming = hard bloody graft just to often make a loss. Then they get told they are all wealthy etc 🙄

If all farmers gave up because they weren't making money then how would the nation feed ourselves?

This article (link below) was so illuminating about farmers and their unique situation.

@pontipinemum wouldn’t your contribution to running the farm business be recognised in the event of a split? Plus your wage from your job and your unwaged running of the household?

https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2024/jan/09/farming-is-a-dirty-word-now-the-woman-helping-farmers-navigate-a-grim-uncertain-future

I a farmers daughter and know your pain, I avoided dating farmers because it genuinely worried me so much. It is a very complex situation for most.

I think this is why it needs it's own topic. It's completely unique, isn't it?

I am not anything to do with farming but had a friend go through divorce from a farmer who was doing all the work for a farm he only owned one third of. She was very naive in thinking that her financial contributions/sacrifices (it was complicated) to the farming business could be clawed back.
I also come across farming families sporadically through work.

I think this is why many farmers wives are from farming families already. It's completely different to being married to someone who has their own business or something. There's a massive risk and the quality of life for working all those hours often doesn't add up.

Hats off to the farmers it's an increasingly thankless task but where would we be without them!?

I think there should be a farmers wives board.

What a bloody stupid and ignorant post if you think farming is a hobby !!
Who do you think grows and rears the food you eat, often for pittance thanks to supermarket price wars !

I honestly have no idea.

I really don't think we will ever split up, but I know no one ever does.

After a post I made on here, I did make him get life insurance. In case the worst was to happen to him before he inherits. He kept saying it would be fine we'd be 'looked after' what ever that mean!! So he has life ins now.

@Whyx ""I think this is why many farmers wives are from farming families already. It's completely different to being married to someone who has their own business or something. There's a massive risk and the quality of life for working all those hours often doesn't add up.""

I am only half joking, I think it is the opposite. Farmers go for town women as we do not have notion what we are getting into!! Most farmers daughters I know inc my SIL said they swore off farmers in their teens.

The farm business does not fund us at present at all, only his mother father and sister.

Are his parents and sister putting in as much or more work than he is to earn more than him?

In the OP - she says her Hubby works on the farm seven days a week.

How could his parents or sister be working more than him?

It's a farm - there is always work that needs to be done. There may not enough money to pay the him a full wage

A big thing that makes a difference is parents passing on the farm in a planned, tax-efficient way rather than leaving it to the vagaries of inheritance. Now, more than ever, that really matters. Setting up a business partnership to include both generations is one way to do it that has worked well in our family.

I can't be certain of course, but I don't think @Agix meant to insult anyone by saying farming is a hobby. I interpreted their comment not as a dismissal of the unrelenting graft & necessity of farming, but a reflection that any other career/activity in which there was so little economical benefit with so high a ratio of passion & work would be seen as a hobby.

There was perhaps ignorance of the reality of farming life for every farmer - not just a few.

I actually think the comparison to hobbies isn't necessarily bad - it's true that most other activities/lifestyles/careers would be lumped into the "hobby" bracket if they had so little return on effort. And that isn't right. Farming should be - must be - more highly valued both socially and politically.

Huge respect to all farmers & their families.

I need a job as i am the main bread winner as husband receives very little wage, certainly not enough to raise a family.

What does his employment contract say, surely he must be paid the NMW?

I think a farmers wives topic would be suitable, but if not then I hope that this can become a long-running support thread. I don’t think @Agixmeant to be deliberately inflammatory but reflects how little people understand about farm businesses, or how many variables there are. Farmers’ wives are often extremely financially vulnerable, and can’t always keep working part time if they live remotely and/or have children while their husbands are consumed with work which at some times of year can be even more all consuming. I think those not from farming backgrounds also don’t consider: Do farmers own the farm or are they tenants? If they are tenants, is it a farm business or AHA tenancy? Very different levels of security and future planning involved! Or perhaps they have none of these and they are hoping to inherit but there is currently poor estate planning or difficult relationships between parents/children/siblings who are all dependent on income from the farm? What kind of farming? Arable and/or livestock? What kind of land? What are future plans and how far into the future (1 year? 10 year? 50 years?) as this also affects capital investments.

Farming is hard work, often high risk (physically, financially) but this does NOT make it a hobby job. It is usually generational and vocational or at least dutiful to some degree, and comes with generational knowledge of the farm/land/local area which when it is gone, really isn’t replaced. It is so vital.

Anyway back to farmers’ wives - often a physically tough, psychologically isolated and financially vulnerable position to be in.

It’s what puts food on peoples tables. Normally at a cost that leaves no profit for farmers and the general public still moan about the cost of food!

Farmer’s wife here. Hello!

A list of farmery issues:-

Isolation and loneliness especially in winter
Very long working hours for very little financial return (glares at big supermarkets)
Recognition of our role as women in farming
How to do eight million tasks and get the sheep in
Is the farmhouse in a guddle?
Raising children almost single handed
Tiredness
When farming becomes a bit harder as you age <cough>

Anything else?