Farmers Wives?

[Hotdays]

Is there a farmers wives topic on MN? A safe place to discuss our worries/woes/regrets/hardships/joys etc. I believe it takes a certain type of woman to be able to be a farmers wife 😂 It is an extremely hard situation to be in for different reasons for all, the complexity of it all is something most wives cannot understand. For me personally being a “farmers wife” is difficult, because we dont live on the farm, yet hubby needs to be there 7 days a week.

im so pleased to see this after reading your first posts.

Im a farmers wife. It horrifies me on here how many are prepared to work for peanuts with no firm business foundation.

It is definitely a bit of a thing that you only understand if you’re in it though. The hours, the dirt, the random stuff your kids come out with at school.

This has to stop. It’s so wrong that we expect the younger generation to work for nothing but a promise.

Elaine Froese has some fabulous podcasts on the subject of farming inheritance

I LOVE your story. Bet that has really peed off the farming relatives deep down!!!

My dad was a farmer. The only good thing I learnt from him was never to marry a farmer.

100% the situation my husband is in is not great, not for us as a family at least, but again one day he will inherit the farm. That 1 day is a whole life time away though

How do you go about getting a firm business foundation?

DH thinks because we are comfortable, and we are, that everything is OK. Yes we can always pay our bills/ mortgage/ go on a cheap holiday once a year. There genuinely isn't a whole lot I do want for. I'm not much for 'things'

BUT - we have basically zero in savings and no retirement fund/ plan. I have started making him pay into a joint saving acc but we are only about about €1k

What I mean is working for the promise of an inheritance rather than being a partner/director. The business should also have a retirement plan for your generation so the younger can take over. Could be they won't and the plan is to sell but either way it needs thinking about.

I can't recommend the Pasture Pod podcast episode with Elain Froese enough. MN won't let me link to it but it should be easy to find with a quick google. It really made me think. If only I could have got my parents to listen!

I grew up on a farm, and lived (and worked/helped) there again recently (until 2 years ago) until my DF passed away. It's understandable that most people cannot really understand the lifestyle pros/cons if they have not experienced it. It's the same for people with partners in armed forces (my DH for 5 years), or I working remotely, etc. It's different from the norm for most people.

A very difficult scenario is where a son/daughter is actually doing all the work, but will inherit when the parent(s) pass away. It's even more challenging if they are working for an uncle/aunt. It's even more challenging again if the farm is not very profitable, modernized and no external sources of income. However, those same concerns apply to both wife AND husband.

My DS's are very very young but I have already said things to DH about if they want to farm we will retire out in some form. DH would never 100% retire and that is understandable.

I would also advise DS's to buy their own houses even if one of them will eventually live in ours.

At least it isn't like a few generations ago where the MIL usually lived in the farm house for years and years with the son + family. DH's grandfather died 30 yrs before granny. The uncle that inherited the 'home place' married and moved his wife in.

This is what we, me in particular are struggling with most at the moment. DH is working for peanuts other than the promise of an inheritence. His Father and Uncle share the buisness and we do not know who uncles share will go to which adds another layer of uncertainty. It is not for the faint hearted

Seriously, Google The Pasture Pod podcast and the Elaeine Froese episode in partícular. It has dramatically changed our farming business and how we run. I can’t recommend it enough. Nobody should be working for peanuts and the promise of an inheritance.

Sticking my neck out here but I think the IHT tax reforms will help avoid situations like this. I know so many older farmers who won’t give up farming due to how IHT used to work.

Now we get to really see why - for so many of them it’s not to do with paying tax it’s that they don’t want to let go of control.

Hi all,

I know this thread isn't very active but I am in one of my 'well feck this farm' moods and hope ye get it!

The long and short of it is. We are in our house 10 years, it is owned by my ILs. From day 1 we have paid them a 'mortgage' but I was also told by DH it is ours and to treat it as such...... that is unless we want to change something. That has eased up over the last few years. I have pointed things out that I think are dangerous to DC and it gets changed.

DH will eventually inherit the 'main' house which is on the main part of the farm. But hopefully that won't be for a long time yet. ILs are 78 and 74 and while both have had issues recently enough they are both in good health. And I of course want them to live another decade at least. I genuinely love them.

But I want to own a house! I grew up in an extremely un secure house. I think that is where some of it stems from. Asked DH tonight does he think ILs would sell us the house we are currently in.

He said he doesn't know, but that, that would mean we wouldn't get the main house. I told him I don't care. He said he does care because he wants to live on the main farm.

UGH!!! When we got married there was all promises of building our own house. Then it "didn't make sense". I truly wish we had bought a house in the local village when I first moved up. 1 - it would have been mine 2 - they are about 2.5x the price now

@pontipinemum I hear you! We don’t pay any mortgage to anyone but all the farms properties are in trust. I am desperate to add a room to this cottage we live in as we’ve just started a family. Everything is a battle in that respect here and has to go through fathers/uncles etc for permission. I’ve given up mentioning it now, I’m wasting my time and I won’t spend my hard earned getting it done on a property that will never be mine (40-50k) though if they would ever agree to it I would go halves for sure. Really does get to me sometimes.

I feel for you! We are in a similar situation in which we will finally be moving to the farm! Hooray! Its been years of long hard slog and stress for DH not to be on site, HWEVER, as excited as I am to finally be with DH and our kids on the farm, i approach with caution. The farmhouse belongs to FIL and uncle in law, I want to do this that and the other there, but also reluctant to spend my hard earned wage on something that does not belong to us. The farm and house will fall to DH from his father, however we are unsure as to who uncle will leave his share too. My DH has an awful sister, and she has been believe it or not “sniffing around” her uncle since finding out that we will finally be moving to the farm. She dislikes this greatly and i do not trust her one bit,

Farming set ups can be terrible for siblings. So many expectancies, unwritten obligations, ‘understandings’ made between some parties and excluding others. What do you think your SIL would post, if she was on this thread as a farmers daughter? Genuine question, she may well be ‘awful’ but it’s interesting to know what her interpretation would be.

In lots of farming families I know, the arrangement has been that a new house is built somewhere on the farm - usually better adapted for elderly people - and whichever younger couple are taking on the farm move into the big house. Would that be a possibility?

Her interpretation would be anything but the truth, its just who she is as a person. Her interpretation would be “my brother will inherit the farm and he and his bloody wife who sticks her nose into the farm will have it all” Where the reality is actually very, very, VERY different. I have tried empathy, and to be compassionate and see things from her pov, but really, she is just far too horrid to try anymore. DH has worked all his life on the farm, we met when I was 16, and have therefore also worked and helped nearly all of my life with the farm. I have never known his sister to help with anything, or even go outside, she has not been on the farm yard itself for i don’t know how long. She lives with her parents rent free next to the yard and has never had a place of her own, has a good job and an excellent wage but still allows the farm to pay for her keep (does not pay rent/bills/food etc) she will happily allow me to dose 500+ lambs that need doing but will slam a door in my face when i knock for a glass of water. DH will inherit the farmhouse and farm and she the home she currently lives in. But this is not enough, she wants it all. I have very little interest in her interpretation of things anymore.

@Hotdaysi think that is the reality of it, the son (or whomever is due to inherit) have usually worked non stop since very young for VERY little pay, killing themselves in the process on a promise. Siblings who have never lifted a finger and have no interest may have been away working for good salary, saving money, paying into pensions etc and will still likely inherit a house/money/property.
the person inheriting the farm will not inherit money or be any financially better off, just a bit more secure, but to the outside it looks like they inherit it all with not a look in to anyone else

I don't understand why farms are not usually owned by a Ltd company.
That would solve all the problems about inheritance. The offspring could inherit shares in the Ltd company, but not the actual land and buildings. Anyone working the farm would be paid a wage from the company.
Is there a reason this is not the normal model?

I don’t know for certain but I’d guess a range of reasons: setting up a Ltd company will likely mean structurally higher costs for the business that was previously a sole proprietor or partnership. More time spent on accounting and administration. Accounts are public etc so for previously private individuals that may be a downside. But probably the biggest issue is the (I presume) CGT and Stamp Duty for the transfer of assets (land, buildings and machinery) from private ownership to company.

@Hotdays she sounds like a nightmare!! Thankfully my SIL is a fab person and has no interest in inheriting the farm.

BIL + SIL have already had substantial inheritances (300k over 20 years ago) from another uncle who had no children. DH was not included in that. They will both also inherit other assets when ILs do pass. Not to the same value (on paper) as the farm. AFAIK everyone is happy with the arrangements.

@rickyrickygrimes it might be possible, planning permission around here for 1 off housing has really tightened up in the last few year. But it would be possible I think. However, it is hardly my place to ask them though, really they would have to offer. It is actually something I have already said to DH, that when we approach retirement age who ever is inheriting the farm can build us a little house. Or a holiday home in the sun! DH of course say he will never retire, but I can tell ya now I will.

@EuclidianGeometryFan ""The offspring could inherit shares in the Ltd company, but not the actual land and buildings."" There would still be the need to release control. I'll admit I don't really get how that would work

How does that work?

There’s certainly a farmers wives group on facebook, it’s very active and supportive, as you’re right, it’s not your usual partnership!