Farmers Wives?

[Hotdays]

Is there a farmers wives topic on MN? A safe place to discuss our worries/woes/regrets/hardships/joys etc. I believe it takes a certain type of woman to be able to be a farmers wife 😂 It is an extremely hard situation to be in for different reasons for all, the complexity of it all is something most wives cannot understand. For me personally being a “farmers wife” is difficult, because we dont live on the farm, yet hubby needs to be there 7 days a week.

Politicians creating divisie rhetoric around "wealth" and greed of farmers!
Not being paid a proper price for what you are producing
The weather which can make or break a season/year

Oh yes, the political rhetoric! Obviously we all drive brand new Range Rovers, have diamond wellies and heated sheds. Don’t get me started.

We have been lucky weather wise with our hay harvest and also the hay for two separate neighbours who couldn’t cope. Quite a bit of structural damage here after Storm Floris.

I asked my husband what sort of issues a farmer’s wife has to cope with and the only one he could think of was the lack of holidays as in never ever going away anywhere. I’m so used to it that it never crossed my mind.
(As he was telling me this, the hens got into the little hall where their food is stored so much shooing, mopping and exasperation).

I'm not a farmer's wife, but I am a female farmer (a rare breed, apparently). Please may I join?

Hello, @TheeNotoriousPIG !

Do you keep rare breed pigs?

I would recommend health insurance. My husband took a bad stroke 4 years ago (the stress of a dairy farm!) and this money saved our farm and family.
It's a hard life, he married a townie who had no clue of farming life!

Could we perhaps have a 'farming families' topic instead of one for just farmers wives, might increase the demand? Another female farmer here..

Yes another females farmer here. Never been a farmer’s wife. Mr derxa trained as an accountant.

Can I join? Farmer's wife, sadly separated, as the farm took everything - from money, family time, to his mental health. I had to leave otherwise it would have taken me too. We're still very close because we have a child together. But no one really understands the pressure unless you've lived it. I do think there's a fairly active support group on Facebook.

I’m so sorry @justsayso . There are so many things that you have gone through and I think that people underestimate just how tough farming can be on families. I hope we can support each other if Mumsnet find a little corner for us.
Yes to anyone who works mostly outdoors, with animals, crops, farm rewilding or any other relevant activity.

Women in agriculture are very overlooked but there is a thriving Women in Ag group in Scotland who are doing amazing work.
It used to feel so frustrating when you had eg just ploughed fields or baled acres of crops only to be expected to cater for ‘the men’ as you had the qualification of having a uterus. Apparently that is vital for making sandwiches but not enough for taking phone messages from ‘proper’ farmers.

Can I add thinking about making a farm plan? I remember when my dh had a heart attack and whisked away in an ambulance leaving me with three children and no idea what I was supposed to do regarding feeding the cattle and sheep.
Listing stuff like animal plans, where meds are kept, etc.
I figured it out but dh was off work for ages. There were days I felt like Hannah Hauxwell through the winter months.

Alas, I do not, @FarmerPilesofJam ! If your question is in relation to my username, it is in homage to a famous pig that I once knew. She starred in a BBC drama, you know! (However, I haven't yet had time to sit and watch the drama to verify her claims...). I wouldn't mind a few pigs when I get my own land... one day! At the moment, I'm the lone female working on a dairy cow farm.

Excellent, @derxa and @myvolvohasavulva ! It's good to find other female farmers in the world! May I ask what type of farms you have, and what breeds you keep?

Sounds like maybe he needs to leave father, mother and sister to it and get a job with a wage. Why should you subsidise them getting cheap labour seven days a week?

Thank you everyone for replying, sorry I have not been have to have a look sooner at replies! A farming families thread sounds like a great idea! Im a farmers grandaughter, the family farm was lost when my grandfather took his own life due to poor succession planning and greedy siblings! Grandmother begged me not to marry a farmer, but did I listen? 😂

@justsayso I am sorry to hear that, im sure we love our farmers dearly but I can very clearly see just how much of a toll it can take on everyone.

@Elsvieta the thing is his father is elderly, his sister has no idea about the farm (I have never seen her help a single day in all the years I have been with my husband) so if they were left to it, DH would have a whole lot of mess on his hands to pass on to our son.

is it best to contact mumsnet HQ?

I’m a farmers daughter, my mum was the farmers wife. We are all out of it now, but ouf. It is a unique life situation, and as a pp says, a vulnerable one.

I’m a farmer’s daughter too. Husband isn’t a farmer per se, but in the agricultural industry. Am also interested in a board specifically for us. Good idea OP

No farming family, but close family friends I knew as a child still farm, and we have other farming friends too.

You have my support.

How old is your son? Does he want to be a farmer? Does he want to inherit this mess? (It's a mess already). Do you have other dc? Because it really does sound like they might be better off out of it.

If the sister doesn't work in the business, why is she getting any money out of it? And what's going to happen in the future? Is your dh going to inherit the farm and sister gets nothing? What then? Will she expect to go on getting an income for no work? While you go on paying the bills for your dh, if necessary, while he pays hers? It really sounds like it's time for you to give serious consideration to whether it's the best thing for your family or for you personally (yes, you do matter, believe it or not) to go on propping up the whole house of cards.

Farmers daughter (and granddaughter and great granddaughter etc!) but a contractors wife. My family farm is no longer, sadly, as is often the case with inheritance disputes and family farms. To be honest, I think contractors wife is even worse than a farmers wife in a lot of ways, but similar issues. Husband is never home, can go weeks without a single day off and we can go days without seeing him at all. It’s not bloody easy, I must really bloody love him 😅 solidarity op and everyone else!

Farmers wife here . Work 30 hours a week out of the house in my own business .
When I have my feminist hat on I say “I’m not defined by my husband’s profession “ but it’s almost inevitable that I am !
Bloody hard work for little return . We depend on my income for supporting the kids through uni etc .

I asked for one years ago and we got given the Rural Living topic as a result. Sadly it's mostly used by people asking about moving to not very rural places.

Wow.
It's far from a hobby.
It's fucking hard graft, long hours and a way of life that is far from financially rewarding.

Clarkson's Farm has opened a lot of eyes to the hardship of it.

I hope there is, farmers seem to have very demanding lives and complex finances

The legal / financial arrangements of ownership and succession in farming are so difficult to manage in the modern world. Our family is littered with disappointed younger sons, scheming older sisters, spoiled first borns and obstinate, selfish elders. It’s an absolute minefield.

I inherited a small sheep farm from my dad. We have 100 Lleyn ewes. I can’t say I actively farm. My knees are buggered. I rely on DS and my shepherdess. At the moment blue tongue is the problem. I’ve spent a fortune on vaccinations.

This is why it needs its own topic 😅

There's a good Facebook group. Very supportive
www.facebook.com/groups/1006628766154378/?ref=share