Farmers Wives?

[Hotdays]

Is there a farmers wives topic on MN? A safe place to discuss our worries/woes/regrets/hardships/joys etc. I believe it takes a certain type of woman to be able to be a farmers wife 😂 It is an extremely hard situation to be in for different reasons for all, the complexity of it all is something most wives cannot understand. For me personally being a “farmers wife” is difficult, because we dont live on the farm, yet hubby needs to be there 7 days a week.

waving incase my username didn’t give it away I am a farmers wife, also working absolutely flat out and raising three young children oh and Trying to survive through harvest.
sending hugs

Traditionally it would be the oldest son, but more often it's whichever son (or daughter) who actively wants to stay and farm.

My cousin's husband is the third child of four - three boys and one girl. None of his siblings were interested, they all went off to uni and have had good careers. My cousin's husband has given his life to it - leaving school at 15, following his dad around and working for a pittance for years and years before marrying, then moving into the farmhouse with my cousin. When their parents died, all four siblings inherited equally - but unless the farm is broken into four unusably small pieces, the other three cannot realise their inheritance in any meaningful way. My cousin's husband is a good farmer but he could not afford to pay rent to his siblings as well as run the farm and support his own family. It's such a weird set-up. So much depends on individual family dynamics. My parents also own half of what was my gran's farm - again they have no involvement in the day to day running (collapse) of it as my aunt took it over, and they've never received a penny in rent as she could never have afforded it.

Not a farmer's wife here but have known a few and their farmer husbands, usually the husbands first, through farming; although one of my greatest heroes is the cook at a rural primary school who also happened to be a farmer's wife. She and her 'farmer wife' friend pointed me and ds completely in the right direction regarding his 'difficulties'. Because they were real people who lived in reality not some made up version of what being a farmer's wife is.

It's a life that is hard yet to be cherished although dairy farming not so much as you gotta turn up at least twice a day irrespective of the seasons. The main gripe on MN seems to be the DH working hard on the family farm whilst the ILs seem to sit on their arse.

For starters, they desrve it, having worked their proverbial arses off in days before. And at least still have a farm for the DH to work on which somehow puts a roof over his/the FW's head. And inherit. Best thing any FW can do is to learn a few farming skills themselves - tractor driving, lambing, milking, what ever the farm needs. You don't need to be stuck in the house, get stuck in and enjoy the blessed life you've been given. Or leave.

TheeNotoriousPIG · Today 19:57
Ragwort is spreading, and someone at work mentioned that rewilding probably isn't helping! I keep seeing it on roundabouts and in woodland/wildflower areas. I hope that your walker might have taken something in, i.e. "It's poisonous to livestock"!

I’ve seen fields where the ragwort is so extensive that it looks like a crop. I’m sure rewilding isn’t helping as seeds blow everywhere.

Ifailed · 08/08/2025 20:55
One thing that stands out from many PPs is the handing-down of farm land to the eldest son.
Is this still acceptable in the 21st century?

If the farm owner wants to hand it down to the eldest son then that’s up to him/her. Why should that not be acceptable?

Dipping my toe in and hoping for a female farmers/farming wives topic. Hope storm Floris didn’t harm harvest too much for those of you more northern farmers. We’ve been lucky and just have a few days left of harvest (though a small fire under the combine yesterday nearly put a stop to that!) and then just the maize.

This thread has popped up for me after my rant this morning on the camping thread. Thank you algorithm!

It’s been a long summer of doing 100% of the childcare and harvest. I knew what I was getting into, I’m a farmer’s daughter, but it’s hard being a parent as well. It’s 52 weeks a year. It’s relentless. There’s only so many times I can sound jolly about us not going away because he’s too busy. At least the wedding years have finished for us because RSVPing for summer weddings/events is a nightmare. The combine driver can’t exactly clear off for 12 hours mid August.

Nothing comes before work. DH went back to work the same day I gave birth. Weekends don’t exist. Bank Holidays, same. It’s hard relating to most of the other people in my life who can book annual leave and spend the weekend together.

I've been on harvest support today, a two hour trip to pick up parts, two visits to the fields with drinks and food plus checked all the suckler cows snd calves out with the 5 bulls, fortunately no problems today . Ignoring the mountain of paperwork at the moment. Now just need the weather to hold for the rest of harvest and then rain please so we can get some grass growing.

Some inspirational accounts on here of farming women.

🙌🏻🙌🏻👏 this is mind if in-laws allow. I can wind my SIL up a treat, as I am a work hard, get stuck in , help with anything sort of woman 😅 Shes even told me that there is no need for me to be in the lambing shed 😂 I think she would of preferred it if my DH married a city woman who preferred to sit in the house all day, that way she could still keep her place as the “main farming female” even though I’ve not seen her farm a day in her life - the joys of Jelous in laws is another difficulty that comes with farming, and the dynamics become far more complex.

Yes! All my friends are off on their jollies with their husbands, meanwhile they are questioning if my husband still exists 😂 yes, he will be back in the autumn-ish 🫣

Farmer’s daughter / granddaughter / great granddaughter yada yada here. Desperately wanted to farm but wasn’t allowed the family farm or any involvement in it as I was a girl…. (Other than plenty of free work during childhood / school holidays / uni holidays). A strong “fuck you I’ll show you” attitude with a little bit of intelligence and a lot of luck meant that I was able to pursue a very well paid career. I loathe it but it has enabled me to buy my own farm! I’m not a farmers wife but I have a farmers husband ;-)

it’s bloody hard work. It doesn’t make a lot of money. But I love it, and I love that I’ve been able to bring up my children in a wild and free environment.

Farmer’s daughter of parents who were both born on farms too. Married the first and only farmer I ever went out with. Past boyfriends were dentist , pilot, engineer. I really did try 😂
I Actively avoided the good looking/ richest farmers who asked me out when I was in the YFC as I was sure it wasn’t the life for me. Yet at 50 here I am and tbh I wouldn’t change it . I’d change the ‘ never been on holiday together as a family since 2017’ part.
The last few years I have taken the children on holiday on my own rather than stay at home.
The eldest son in my family was the only one not to go to university.

I love it because of the peace and quiet around us. No close annoying neighbours . The ability to own animals including my lovely chickens. The farm doesn’t make a lot of money but we own the land so no rent which makes it doable. I work and husband has a few other sidelines which generate enough to keep us financially comfortable.

I do giggle when two weeks paternity leave is mentioned on here . What paternity leave ?
Although it’s what we chose so we just have to suck it up ….

Please can fish wives join? Mine fishes solo, is totally dependent on weather and tide and market prices. It’s a constant challenge.

There is no way to plan anything week to week because we don’t know how reliable the weather forecast is.

Overheads and ever increasing red tape. Massively dangerous. But when I ask him if he’s willing to do anything else, he looks at me as if I’m the crazy one. Best office in the world, apparently 😏

LOL yes. I had my 2nd baby last August. People reminded me of the 2 weeks paternity leave and the 9 weeks parents leave - I'm in Ireland.

We are cattle farmers so this time of year is silage but thankfully that just comes in blasts. Winter is more work as the cattle are in the sheds.

I met DH doing my farm work in Australia. I'm well able to drive machines but I'm not much for animals.

I actually really like my ILs they are lovely people. It just gets frustrating and complicated. They are in the main farm house, we are in the 'old' house. It's about 45yrs old and is in good condition. But even though we pay them a 'mortgage' we aren't allowed to change much. When I tried to get things changed it was MIL/ SIL who decided things like I wasn't even there!

Nothing comes before work. DH went back to work the same day I gave birth. Weekends don’t exist. Bank Holidays, same. It’s hard relating to most of the other people in my life who can book annual leave and spend the weekend together.

never has a truer word been spoken! ^^

I'm a farmer's wife with two young primary aged children. It's an arable farm so summer harvest is hard, having to deal with 6 weeks holidays plus no support at bedtime/weekends but there is flexibility at other times of the year. We can never have a summer holiday either so I see all my Facebook friends on their summer hols and we're at home. But it's not as bad as farmers who have animals. We've had lovely summer days, watching the combine. It's a unique life for sure, good sides and bad.

I have 2 more years where we can take September holidays before DS starts primary school. Do ye ever go on holidays? I am thinking summer holidays will be a thing of the past but that we can do interesting breaks in mid terms/ Easter?

Travelling is something I really love so don't want to give it up completely.

We tend to have a holiday at Easter instead but it does make the summer feel very long! I know it's just the way it goes in a farming family. It definitely has its advantages but I do sometimes feel a bit sorry for myself when everyone's jetting off in August!!

Dh’s Great Granny working on stooks circa 1896

Easter will probably be when we will get to go. Or the October. At the moment we get a few days in January too. May/ June is very busy with Silage then again around the start of August.

Primary schools have 8 weeks holidays in Ireland, 12 weeks in secondary!

Your right, the situation with the in-laws can be extremely frustrating. I find that my SIL is finding it very difficult to accept “another woman” coming into the farm. She much prefers it if she and her mother are the main “women” of the place as it were. We live in an entirely different village yet myself and my husband carry the majority of the work load which is difficult. There is an empty farmhouse there which we started some work on last year with FIL’s permission, but SIL threw the biggest tantrum I have ever seen a grown woman throw about it, and so it was left. It can be exhausting

Wow she sounds like a complete pain in the arse!!

My SIL whilst still very involved, isn't like that to me. She is in her 50s and has a good career but goes to ILs from the city every weekend. I do like having her around. I'd just like my options on what colour the bathroom tiles should be to be more important than hers. Or even asked if I have an opinion.

I am from a town, and even after 10yrs here I am still sometimes spoken to as if I wouldn't possibly understand. We live rurally, about 5miles from the closest village but it's not a cut off secluded place like they sometimes make out, I mean Tesco deliver to me! But I don't understand 'needing provisions' I do, I always have extra milk/ bread in the freezer and these days a good few 'grab bag dinners'. I lived on a farm in Oz that was about 120km from town!!

One of our family’s ‘magnificent rows’ was over farmhouse bathrooms too 🤦‍♀️ my aunt bought a farm for her oldest son and retained 50% ownership which she felt gave her complete rights to decide everything, including when the bathrooms should be updated. My cousins wife was not the usual model for a farmers wife: divorced, 10 years older than him, already had teenage children and no intention having any more. She had a blazing row with my aunt, and ended up paying for a new bathroom with her own money because my aunt wouldn’t approve the expenditure 🙄.