You're not being unreasonable to feel hurt, but you may be misreading the situation.
From what you’ve shared, it sounds like your parents supported you quietly but meaningfully during a really tough period in your life — a full three years of living rent-supported while you completed your PhD. That’s no small gesture. Many people in your position would have been forced to juggle jobs, loans, and rent, possibly delaying or even derailing their studies. Your parents helped provide a stable foundation so you could focus — that is love and care, even if it wasn’t loud or emotional.
Now, six months after moving out, you're understandably craving a more connected, engaged relationship with them. But here’s the thing — they might see your move as the natural next step in your independence. After all, you're 28, you’ve completed your education, you’re living on your own. From their point of view, they’ve done their job. That doesn’t mean they don’t care — it may just mean they express care differently, or they don’t realize you're still wanting emotional involvement in the same way.
It also sounds like there may be a mismatch between your expectations of family life and theirs. You're looking for closeness, involvement, shared joy, and that’s fair — but they may be more reserved, private, or emotionally self-contained people. That doesn’t make them bad parents. Just different. And it might be unfair to label them "shit" for not matching someone else’s mum at a BBQ.
They may feel that by stepping back, they're giving you space and respecting your adulthood. When you call them, they answer. When you invite them, they respond — they may not say yes, but they’re not ignoring you. It may feel cold, but it's not abandonment. And calling your mum out for not wanting to come to a takeaway night might just come across to her as ungrateful or demanding.
If you want more from them — emotionally or relationally — it might be worth trying a different approach. Instead of calling with updates, try telling them you miss them. Say you’d like to see them, not just talk. Ask them to share something they’re watching or doing. You may find that what feels like rejection is actually a misunderstanding of needs on both sides.
Ultimately, you’ve grown — and now you’re realizing that maybe you want a different relationship with your parents. That’s valid. But building that starts with empathy, not anger. They may not be "shit" parents. They may just be quiet ones, content ones — maybe even tired ones. Try meeting them where they are, rather than where you wish they’d be.