Am I out of touch or is he being stingy?

[Tupaas]

Recently agreed between us that I would take a career break. I’m happy with this, I actually have a job to go to so it’s a short break… more like 12 months.

During this time I have obviously been with DS rather than him being at nursery.

DP transfers around 150 a week for activities for me and DS, like soft play, lunch out etc any toys we might get while in supermarket and so on.

He covers mortgage and bills at the moment and at weekends I might get a coffee or a lunch but as I’m not earning this comes from my savings.

Whilst it was my idea to take a year off, I’ve obviously done it with his agreement otherwise I couldn’t have done it. He was happy DS wouldn’t be in nursery as much, as was I.

I feel like 150 is a bit stingy and he doesn’t understand that a coffee, for example, is 4.50 at lots of places. Car parking, soft play, it all adds up! I want to suggest he sends over another 50 but I know he will make a comment like get a flask for coffee etc which just makes me feel irritated as it’s hard work being with a toddler all day! For context he’s a high earner, a little over 100k. Am I in the right here?!

You are completely out of touch. £150 for fun money a week is loads, it's more than my food budget a week for me and two DS!

Well that falls well within your existing budget, doesn't it.

I do think you are out of touch to be honest. I took water in a bottle, snacks & sandwiches and coffee in a flask for me for years (and still often do even though my DD is now 11). The odd icecream would be ok but not the rest as the money just fritters away. The coffee in soft play is not that great anyway. I rarely would have lunch there due to cost and also its not that great. On the odd time I’d get it for my DD I didn’t for me as I prefer to have something at home. There’s loads of free activities you can go to too. If you just pay for soft play and parking, you’ve halved your cost. Take a packed lunch to eat in a park and ice cream at home. I also would also often say to my daughter one treat a day. Toys in the supermarket- £2/3 limit. It sounds like you want to spend without limit which is not realistic.

You could also buy ice cream from supermarket in bulk or multipacks, a lot cheaper then buying out and about and water can be filled as well.

You are so unbelievably out of touch it is unreal.

get a fricking flask.

So I have 3 young children (toddler twins) and 6 year old (currently on school hols). £150 is more than adequate for my 3 for a week, actually last almost 2 weeks

Last few weeks
Mon- park with friend with a picnic
Tues- inflatable park £9 per child. Took a picnic.
Wed- play at home
Thurs- Soft play gym session £20 for all of us
Fri- park with friends. Home for lunch

Mon- park, dentist, brought biscuits from supermarket for snacks when out £4
Tues- playgroup session £6 for all of us. Followed by lunch at cafe watching aeroplanes take off £20
Wed- transport museum £23 all of us. Took a picnic.
Thurs- rock climbing in morning £40. Lunch 30. Library trip afternoon
Fri- church craft morning free

Total for the the fornight = £170

@Tupaas Why can't you go out in the morning and then come home for a coffee? Is there a reason you are staying out of the house for so long? I buy my son all these toys but I have to remember to schedule in some home time otherwise he never gets to play with them all.

100k is not a massive income after tax. She isn’t wealthy. 600 quid a month is absolutely reasonable and if she cannot manage it then maybe back to work? Bloody hell.

During this time I have obviously been with DS rather than him being at nursery.

It's not obvious @Tupaas. We didn't even know you had a kid until you wrote this.

Honeslty I’m a nightmare also and spend loads. Truthfully it’s very easy to spend £150 a week but I suppose doesn’t mean you HAVE to. I would get memberships (local farm, national trust etc) and try to take food and coffee with you places. I also love a coffee but find it adds up really quickly. Limiting to x amount a week will help a lot

Also, what is wrong with taking a flask with you sometime and a packed lunch so that you save money?

Take a packed lunch. Lunch out should be a treat especially as you aren't working so have the time.

I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I had £600 a month to piss away on softplay and coffees.

Yes you are out of touch.

www.moneysavingexpert.com/deals/food-and-drink/

As a rule I think you should live and not penny pinch (if you can - it goes without saying) otherwise it makes for a miserable existence. Having said that £650 for soft plays and coffees a month feels like plenty. I saw in your post that you buy a bottle of water - I can’t remember the last time I bought a bottle of water. Use one of the chilly’s bottles (or equivalent) make ice at home and take it for you. Amazon also does small cooler bags you can fit some containers with food from home. Of course if you can afford it sure why not but there are ways to save money. Also if you like coffee invest in a good coffee machine at home - since I have done that I lost all interest for outside coffee and take my coffee flask wherever I go. Of course people have different priorities on where they want to spend money. So I suggest discuss with partner. When we want to spend on something more we try to find somewhere else to cut.

Museums- free
Parks- free

Packed lunch from home including drinks- alot cheaper

Keep the soft play to once a week. Lunch in a pub/restaurant once a week.

Take water from home.

With a view to budgeting long term my eldest is now 3 school years away from going to uni and I am starting to realise we would like to support him to the tune of about 1k each month if he wants to study in London as the maximum government loan wouldn't begin to cover even the rent. We are going to have to get frugal and try to sort out our finances to have any hope of doing this. Might need a second job.

Start thinking about university right from the beginning. If they don't want to go the money will always come in handy anyway. The amount the government will lend is based on your household income and will not even cover their rent - if such help still exists in 16 years.

Apologies for jumping from soft play to university - it just strikes me that you don't seem to know anything about your household finances.

That's because you are buying lunch and water that you could take from home

Sorry OP but I think 150 per week is more than adequate if it's just fun money. You need to start bringing a flask/bottled water/snacks out with you, buy a tub of ice cream and cones, sauce/sprinkles etc and DIY them at home, mix paid for activities with free/cheaper stuff so like softplay with picnic, park and lunch etc, it sounds more like you have a spending/budget problem rather than a stingy husband

Take a picnic
Take a flask
Do activities that mean you’re back for lunch
Have a couple of days a week when it’s a trip to the park
Go to the library
Go for a walk and pick blackberries
Do some baking or crafting at home.

You definitely need to start bringing your own food & drink. Wait till you have 2 kids and decide to buy lunch and treats at the Science Museum- £50 for shite food they won’t eat anyway. Yes I’m still bitter 😂. We bring food and our treat is buying an ice cream or small souvenir or something. Under £5. I hate being ripped off for shit coffee and shit food anyway. I earn similar to your husband and I’m always astonished how quickly money just disappears on crap.

You don’t need to be taking a toddler out to paid activities practically every day. Go to the park, take a packed lunch and a flask of coffee. Do you think other mums spend the £800 per month you think you should get, on entertaining a toddler?

Work to your (reasonable) budget, don't be like a teenager expecting parents to splash out for luxuries. Parents around here go to the park and take a home-made picnic, share play dates with other parents to deal with the loneliness, take a flask, take kids on a bus journey to somewhere different, go to the City Farm, go to free events and so on. There's a lot of things on offer in most areas. You can meet other parents and have a good time without having to spend £20 on entrance fees and a coffee.

@CosyNavyLeader Parks can be free if you live in walking distance, but lots of them have very high parking charges now, all the museums by us charge now - even the ones that used to be free are now £12 per person, and I don't live anywhere fancy or touristy

Although I still agree £600 a month is bucket loads to spend on activities for one mum and a toddler.