Am I out of touch or is he being stingy?

[Tupaas]

Recently agreed between us that I would take a career break. I’m happy with this, I actually have a job to go to so it’s a short break… more like 12 months.

During this time I have obviously been with DS rather than him being at nursery.

DP transfers around 150 a week for activities for me and DS, like soft play, lunch out etc any toys we might get while in supermarket and so on.

He covers mortgage and bills at the moment and at weekends I might get a coffee or a lunch but as I’m not earning this comes from my savings.

Whilst it was my idea to take a year off, I’ve obviously done it with his agreement otherwise I couldn’t have done it. He was happy DS wouldn’t be in nursery as much, as was I.

I feel like 150 is a bit stingy and he doesn’t understand that a coffee, for example, is 4.50 at lots of places. Car parking, soft play, it all adds up! I want to suggest he sends over another 50 but I know he will make a comment like get a flask for coffee etc which just makes me feel irritated as it’s hard work being with a toddler all day! For context he’s a high earner, a little over 100k. Am I in the right here?!

As you say, it all mounts up, so a strict budget is a very good idea. And a flask of coffee is also a very good idea!

I have a 2 and half year old and in the same position somewhat. I have DD full time and we also chose for me not to go back to work. Our spending for looking after her comes out if our joint account so no set agreed amount, however I know for sure there is no way I get close to £150 a week! Probably half that and that includes a swimming lesson per week aswell. The eating out is what's eating your budget away.. we hardly eat out, I usually take lunch and snacks with me. If we do eat out, it's a budget place cos at the end of the day, they don't need anything fancy, just basic and healthy. I would never buy a bottle of water outside and forget teas and coffees. You get used to not having hot drinks outside. If I really missed it I'd take my own teabag latte sachet and ask for hot water at a coffee shop.
Also, we have free stay and plays locally or maybe even a bus ride away, which turns into a day out, so I would check what's in your area.

Hell yeah, why not

I’m certainly not a bring your own packed lunch and refill bottle, I’m frivolous at the best of times but £650 per month on soft play and coffees would make me feel a bit sick, think I would be tempted to join my frugal mum and bring some soggy sandwiches and a warm bottle of water and spend some of that money on something more worthwhile

Do you find you have to be spending money to be 'looking after' your child. My SIL was like that. On a lovely sunny day when all my children wanted to be doing was playing in our own garden or drawing pictures my SIL would phone up and ask if we could meet at a soft play for a 'coffee'. Every time it was £5 for parking, £5 for a coffe, £5-10 for entry etc etc.The kids played up because they were bored of it and wanted to go home and play in the sun.

Dont get me started on the days she provided childcare. We would sometimes cover each other when needed. Mine would be things we could do at home. Hers always included a bill for the cost of activities.

Childcare is not measured on how much it costs.

You can have a hot drink. Just not the same day as soft play, plus lunch plus ice cream.

Buying that amount of food and drink as the norm will possibly come back and bite you as it becomes expected by the growing toddler every time you go out too.

I can see how that money would disappear quickly. But given the career break is a choice, he's covering all other expenses and giving you £600 a month fun money, then if you really want to go out a bit more factor in spending some of your savings over the year.

I probably wouldn't want to spend it on day to day stuff like coffees. But book yourself and your toddler a mini break, or a couple of nicer days out - once a month spend it out of your savings, and then the £600 might seem to stretch a little further.

Sorry but this is ridiculous 😂. I have a toddler and a 4 month old, out everyday and in no way spend 150 ! Take pack lunches/drink bottles with you, soft play other expensive days limited to 2 days a week and rest of the days are free, even having a coffee a day only adds up to 25!

Are you near any zoos etc that offer annual passes? Rather thsn asking other half to send over an extra 50 maybe discuss getting some annual.passes than you have 'free' days out that won't eat into weekly expensive. Our zoo pass cost us 100 for 2 adults and toddler and we go at least once a week.

150 a month possibly , but 150 a week ?
YABU !!!!

Inless you frequent exclusive soft play at 30 a head perhaps ….. if so , I’d find a cheaper one !

Then your budgeting is dogshit, I live in an expensive part of London and don’t spend anywhere near that and myself and my child go out all the time.

Do you pay for you and dc at the weekend or does dh do that? Surely it’s between £21 and £30 a day (depending on weekend spends) and you just do some cheap days and some more expensive. Personally I think it’s a lot to be just splurging on activities midweek. We’d probably save it and go away on holiday all together.

OP would you be better off off joining a nice health club that has a crèche and that offers toddler classes? Then you’d have something to do each day plus you could take your little one swimming.

Packed lunch and a bottle of water would solve a lot of your problems OP. It's hardly a huge surprise that eating out costs money.

You’re overspending! You don’t need all that stuff in one day.

Also, quite agree that eating out is taking a lot of that budget. Do you even enjoy it?

Invest in a decent and easy to use picnic set. Something that isn't a chore to use. You'll save a fortune on shit lunches, and probably enjoy the food more.

Honestly get a thermal cup bring coffee and snacks with you...

We do paid for stuff once in a blue moon

Bus ride to the shops to pick up light bulbs
Feed the ducks
Forest Walk
Drive to new playgrounds
Council Splashparks
Picnic in park
Take a ball and play football
Play dates at friends houses
Have friends over
Church playgroups

Worth looking at annual memberships too. We go to the zoo 4 x or more per month

You are absolutely taking the piss right?
If you cannot make £150 last a week you seriously need to grow up and look at how you're spending.
Utterly ridiculous.

There are very easy savings to be made here OP. Go to soft play after lunch, have a coffee and ice cream.

Take water bottles with you. Everywhere

Don’t have any more children. You will never cope!

That’s more than enough. Cut out the overpriced coffee 🤷‍♀️🙄

I was going to say he was being a bit tight, then I realised he was sending £150 a week, not a month. I think there’s a fair amount personally with no other outgoings. I’d have been very happy with that arrangement when mine were little!

Plus have an earlish lunch and go
out afterwards or visa versa.

OP I was a single parent when my children were the age of your child. Nearly everything we did was free because I couldn’t afford to do anything else. We always went to parks, for walks round the streets, walks in the countryside, the beach, rock pools etc. Even when it rained. I wouldn’t have thought about buying coffee when I was out. You don’t need to spend money with a child that age.

Youre an absolute CF even thinking of asking for more money. If i was him and you had the cheek to ask for an increase id stop the payment completely.

What your listing as spending it on is ridiculous. Wait til you're back working again to throw ridiculous amounts of money away