Am I out of touch or is he being stingy?

[Tupaas]

Recently agreed between us that I would take a career break. I’m happy with this, I actually have a job to go to so it’s a short break… more like 12 months.

During this time I have obviously been with DS rather than him being at nursery.

DP transfers around 150 a week for activities for me and DS, like soft play, lunch out etc any toys we might get while in supermarket and so on.

He covers mortgage and bills at the moment and at weekends I might get a coffee or a lunch but as I’m not earning this comes from my savings.

Whilst it was my idea to take a year off, I’ve obviously done it with his agreement otherwise I couldn’t have done it. He was happy DS wouldn’t be in nursery as much, as was I.

I feel like 150 is a bit stingy and he doesn’t understand that a coffee, for example, is 4.50 at lots of places. Car parking, soft play, it all adds up! I want to suggest he sends over another 50 but I know he will make a comment like get a flask for coffee etc which just makes me feel irritated as it’s hard work being with a toddler all day! For context he’s a high earner, a little over 100k. Am I in the right here?!

Yes, packing lunch, water, and snacks makes makes a massive difference in spending. Once I got in the hang of this we started to save loads. I will admit I still buy a coffee out at least 3-4x/week because I agree it’s just not the same when it’s been sat in a flask but not having to buy meals really adds up. It’s very easy to pack food and drink once you get in the hang of it.

I can relate a bit in the way of, so I have my grandchildren 1 at a time so I can catch up on life in their world.
We do the cinema and swimming and a bit of shopping and sometimes arcades and meal out. I usually spend £150 every weekend that I have a grandchild. Sometimes we will do the book store but we dont go bonkers.
So I can imagine iver the week £150 goes quickly l.
However, now its holidays, there are a lot of free things going on.
Pop on to your council website and library website and see if their free events appeal.
Sounds like your doing a great job of letting your son experience things.
Is there a one night a week job you could do locally to earn the little extra bit you'd like perhaps.

Days out for us whether from home or on holiday tend to be National Trust ( we have membership ) or free stuff.
Summer means the lunchboxes come out gor picnics. Hot drinks come from a thermos, water from a refillable bottle , juice from cartons bought from home.
I have never felt poor from not buying lots of activities or eating in cafes. Am usually just so grateful to be out and to have time away from work and a few quid for an ice-cream.
Little children like parks , welly walks and free stuff OP. Crafts at home, cbeebies, play dates - all low or no cost
You don't have to spend so much or try so hard to entertain. It isn't getting your son up for a happy life. We all need to be bored at times and to do without buying stuff all the time. X

Omg I got £300 a month!
Thats crazy what you are sending each week!!!! So wasteful.

Soft play is £4 if I get 1 coffee out a week that's is £5ish maybe a little treat once a week for the kids and I pike a sweet treats around £12, gymnastics £10 and the rest is saved away.

@Tupaas I get that things are pricey... I'm a teacher and off in the summer holidays at the moment.

What tou described I maybe do once or twice a week. The other days we go to the park, museums, friends houses, free toddler sessions etc. Surely you don't do big days out like that daily?

Even so that adds up to £30 so if you did that exact day for 5 days a week that would be £150?

I knownhes a high earner, but there's also just spending money for the sake of it?

I don't know any toddler parent who doesn't bring snacks and water with them wherever they go...

Your child will need to learnt that they can have one meal or snack out daily? Lunch and an ice cream in one day is very generous and I'd be concerned about my child not understanding moderation/the value of money if we ate and played like that daily.

This post is going to irritate a lot of people!

Agreed, and I already knew that because although it’s not relevant to me I am member of various mum forums and I have read this in discussions of mums with higher family income. But something tells me this mum hasn’t got a clue about it, I actually hope she know this and her partner is cooperating to do what it needs to be done to have the child benefit for the NIC purposes.

I was ready to agree with you, until I read that its £150 a week!!! You really need to have a think about where all this money is going to?... £150 a week for you and 1 child should be ample, with left over if I'm being honest!

If it is only being used for the agreed stuff, it is plenty of you can't budget or you're using it for something else....
Who normally pays nursery fees???

Wow !!! That is sooo much just for leisure activities with a toddler think you might need to rein it in a little and find cheaper/free activities and maybe a packed lunch picnic or go home to eat . Maybe this is a joke I’m not sure

Some people have to live on that amount. That’s£600 a month

im assuming you dont go soft place and have lunch out EVERY day??? if you do its excessive.
also theres cheaper options

Is this a wind up OP? At first I thought £600 included clothes, petrol and other costs, not just 'fun money'. As someone who has had to work full time and bring up a child on one (professional) public sector wage for the last 10 years since widowed, this was doable and as an only child I would often pay for a friend too.

I have never felt particularly well off but always managed to take DC and a friend out, get them a meal or ice cream and myself a tea and I realise I have been in a lucky position to do so. DC told me recently when we went in a local shop to look at flooring she had been there before. Turned out one of her friend's family used to have little money and take them to look at various shops- which is totally fine. They had a fun time and a sleep over, which will have been a life saver for me with no family within 100s miles. We did every small museum, church fair, local funday, fete as well as soft play, the cinema and other more spendy things in our city and around. Looking back, it was crazy busy but fun and many of our best memories were from cheaper experiences.

And swimming- I did a lot of taking DC and friends swimming outside their lessons. Cannot get her in a pool now unless on holiday despite investing in swimming lessons up to lifeguard stage!

Wow! £30 a day - over weekdays - isn't enough?

Take sandwiches

Shop at Aldi 🙄

Why don't you try to put down an itemised list of your normal weekly expenses that shows him that the £150 "allowance" is insufficient to cover..... ?

...and if he is brave enough to suggest that you take a thermos (and sandwiches/cakes) with you when you go out with DS than remind him that most establishments don't allow "customers" to use their facilities without making a purchase and don't allow them to eat/drink their own foodstuffs.....

If this is real, then I’m sorry to have to break it to you but you are VERY fortunate that your husband provides £150 a month for “fun” and also pays all the bills while you’re not working.

Just for perspective: my partner contributes half of the rent and council tax and that’s it.

I have recently taken VS from work so have a small pot to pull from while I’m looking for another job and also full time parenting our 19 month old. I get no financial support for shopping/bills and clothes for our son. He also leaves for work at 8am and doesn’t get back until 10pm (builder). I know my situation is at the polar end but you really need to be grateful for a husband that is happy to go to work all week and still pay you £150 a week for “outings/toys”. I’ll swap you!

Wow that's a lovely weekly budget for days out.
Maybe take a pasta pot or sandwich out on your trips.
I have rarely had money to go out , any treats like eating out ( even lunchtime) would be planned and taken ages to save for.
Be grateful you have money to spend on days out.

That’s a lot imo. Most people would be delighted with that.

That's an awful lot of money wasted! You take a flask and lunch for you AND food for your little one! As you are a coffee lover, invest in a decent coffee maker. Keep ice creams etc as TREATS-twice a week is enough! Kids do not need new stuff every week also. Depending on your vehicle that you drive, save a set amount each month, and then surprise your other half when you have saved enough to upgrade your old car. That'll prove to him you are not frivolous with what he gives you each month. Plan a surprise for your other half, am sure he'd be grateful and thankfull also. Always plan for the unexpected-he could lose his job, then what will you do?!

I’m going to go against the grain here. He makes 100k, you’re with a toddler all day, nursery would be way more than 600 pounds a month. You can very well afford it, so I don’t see why you need to budget. It’s not like your whole life it’s going to be like this! You might as well enjoy it

@Tupaas YABU and taking the utter piss.

Why should a mum be paid to care for her child. He’s already paying all of the household expenses. No wonder men think women are gold diggers

Your fun money is a lot more than some families have to spend on essentials such as food and travel to school etc. Cut your cloth according to to your means - in other words economise. Introduce your child to the fun of a picnic in the park - with home made sandwiches etc. You will be doing him a favour in the long run as not everyone he will befriend will have money to burn.

My toddlers favourite thing was a picnic in the park... Or going to toddler groups. We rarely went to soft play. We did sometimes go into London or a nearby town for a museum but it wasn't something we did weekly.

I'm sorry but £30 a day seems a huge sum to me.

A packet of ham will make packed lunches for your son for a week though. Not just one lunch