Am I out of touch or is he being stingy?

[Tupaas]

Recently agreed between us that I would take a career break. I’m happy with this, I actually have a job to go to so it’s a short break… more like 12 months.

During this time I have obviously been with DS rather than him being at nursery.

DP transfers around 150 a week for activities for me and DS, like soft play, lunch out etc any toys we might get while in supermarket and so on.

He covers mortgage and bills at the moment and at weekends I might get a coffee or a lunch but as I’m not earning this comes from my savings.

Whilst it was my idea to take a year off, I’ve obviously done it with his agreement otherwise I couldn’t have done it. He was happy DS wouldn’t be in nursery as much, as was I.

I feel like 150 is a bit stingy and he doesn’t understand that a coffee, for example, is 4.50 at lots of places. Car parking, soft play, it all adds up! I want to suggest he sends over another 50 but I know he will make a comment like get a flask for coffee etc which just makes me feel irritated as it’s hard work being with a toddler all day! For context he’s a high earner, a little over 100k. Am I in the right here?!

Feels like I've got this all wrong.

Yes, you absolutely have.

100% this. You're not taking a year off, you're staying at home to look after your child. You should have as much right to the family income as he does.

😂😂 politely you are in lala land !!! I am entertaining a toddler and school-aged child for the summer holidays on not even that a month and we are having such a great time so far. I’d suggest looking online for cheap/free ideas, there are 100s. Everyday doesn’t have to cost money, I actually avoid softplay as much as I can lol.
Go to a park and feed the ducks. Wander around a garden centre looking at plants, birds, decor. A mundane trip to a supermarket to pick up a book or sweets and wander about can be fun for a toddler.
Have you looked into local groups, usually most communities have a local baby/toddler group, for a few pounds a session.

You just need imagination and presence but I do think the idea of staying at home with children seems amazing to many women but in reality some aren’t as happy as they expected.

Also invest in packed lunches, water bottle and annual zoo/aquarium etc passes they save a lot of money.

Yes - you have got it all wrong.
Are you from a privileged background as you sound a bit entitled?
Sime people have to buy their weekly groceries for less that £150 and you’re complaining that this isn’t enough for fun a week. God wept!
A toddler does not need an ice cream every day you go out and you don’t have to eat lunch out every time. Just make some sandwiches and take an apple. Or is that not good enough for Miss Hyacinth Bucket???

@FattyMallow

theyre not through. Fresh Coffee out of a proper coffee machine is always gonna be better than what you get out of a flask. Ditto, sandwiches freshly maid in a cafe with whatever ingredient you happen to fancy on the menu versus something you chucked together in a rush in the morning and have then sweated in tin foil or whatever in your bag all morning.

Hilarious! How the other half live eh?
!!

You need to rethink activities and whether you could, for instance, go to the park rather than spending £18 on soft play. Take a picnic if the weather's decent or go home for lunch. Take drinks with you. Make ice cream out a special treat. The kind of day out you describe was a once a month or less option when my kids were small, rather than an expected run-of-the-mill day.

There are loads of free or cheap things to do that would be very affordable if you pre-plan around not eating out or spending loads extra. Arrange play dates or meet-ups in the park or at home. Have a carpet picnic if the weather's off. Visit local free attractions. Make a blanket fort. Kick a ball around. Do craft or art activities. Go to the library- they often have stuff going on in the holidays. Go for walks and see what birds you can identify, or plants, or trees, or fish/ animals. There are so many enjoyable things to do that don't cost a lot; just do the expensive things like soft play once or twice a week, end a walk at a cafe etc. and you'll find that half what you're spending is plenty to keep your little one entertained and engaged. And even learning!

You do not know that you are born, i worked around the clock every hr almost 7 days to pay a giant mortgage ( the are where we used to live was becoming neglected and rough so i took a chance and moved to a better area) i did that when daughter was 4 so she grew up in a better,decent area and worked my socks of till she was 20. £150 for coffees and fun? There were plenty of days i barely ate due to lavk of money, just thank your lucky stars for your privileged life and earn your own money if you want jam on it

The key information that's missing here is where the family money goes.
If you want £50 a week more, does than mean you are saving less, having a cheaper holiday, or cancelling the cleaner? How much money does your partner spend on himself?
the salary sounds large, but it's possible that the family has cut its cloth based on 2 full time salaries and there isn't a mass of disposable income to spare.

You really have got this all wrong, there are families that live on not much more than this amount. To say you can’t afford a hot drink out of £150 is ridiculous!
is there a problem with staying in some days and enjoying a day at home with your dc. Do you have a low level post natal depression ? Some of your comments point that way.

Totally unreasonable. Why do you need a coffee every time you step out of the door? £150 per week is a lot to spend on yourself/one small child. No child needs a new toy every week. Afraid you're being a bit entitled and grabby.

Take sandwiches

Unbelievable
Got to be a wind up.
There is literally 100’s of fun things you can do £150 a week and still have a shed load for coffee.
Kids don’t need copious amount of treats and outings.
All they need is your time, attention and love.

Hate to say it, but you’re doing very well for yourself there. £600 and not working sounds pretty good. When my kids were little, a paid for coffee was an unnecessary luxury. Do you live somewhere very expensive? Take packed lunches and save money that way. Hate to say it, but I’m with your hubby here. Make proper coffee at home and take it with you. Plus you don’t have to do paid activities with your DS everyday.

You say kids...multiple? OP has one child. A toddler.

£150 per week ‘fun’ money is incredibly generous - you are being ridiculous

I suppose it depends where you live, but I’m a single mum with 1 toddler and our budget for food/toiletries/household essentials and fun is £200 a week. We’re in Dorset, so not exactly cheap, but not London prices either. So I think he’s being pretty generous.

It’s weird isn’t it? Like there’s some sort of pride in spending next to nothing. It’s horses for courses isn’t it? It reminds me of people that are competitive about how early they get up! I have to be careful with money but I don’t begrudge other people spending more money than me, likewise if someone I’m with has / wants to be more careful than me that’s also fine! We could all be wiped off the face of the earth tomorrow or the OP could live to 100 and we all view things differently, I think there’s a small amount of envy in some of the responses which is understandable but when did people lose all objectivity? Crazy.

It's frugality top trumps

OP,
As a single mum on UC who has £800 a month for food shopping plus my toddler’s nappies and milk PLUS fun money and savings, this is what I do to make ends meet:

Have one coffee a day
Use Vodafone rewards to get a Costa coffee drink for £1 occasionally
Get a £3.50 meal deal at the co-op, which also has a Costa Express machine.
Get the 99p filter coffee at Pret. In other words, I’d be horrified if a coffee costs £4.20, unless someone is offering to buy me one and insists on it.
I buy DS’ toys and clothes second hand on Vinted for 1/4 of the price of a new one. I once bought a £45 rain suit for £7 because I refuse to buy from George, Primark, F&F - I prefer Jojo Maman Bebe, Boden and John Lewis. The secret is- they all look second hand after only 1 wash.

After economising like mad for 3 weeks, I would usually treat myself to something nice like a lovely lunch for DS and me today that cost £24. But then I didn’t buy anything else before that or afterwards.

A treat should only be had once a week, otherwise you get used to it, expect it and don’t even feel grateful for it.

That's plenty of money for a week, with a toddler! I've always packed my own lunches and my toddler's when I went to soft play - once -max twice a week. The rest were parks with play areas, museums (free) or meeting friends with a take away coffee. Definitely refill water bottles!! Either you're incredibly spoiled, your friends are aristocrats, or you live in your own fantasy world, made of lunches out, 3 quid bottled water and never making a sandwich... It takes a second to pack fruit and throw some cheese or tuna between two slices of bread.

I was responding to the other poster. Can't you see their post in the quoted ones?

I have just been to a national trust place with my 13year old, 2 year old and 3 month old,on the way I stopped at aldi,spent 10minutes and £15 getting lunch and drinks for us all,straight into a cool bag, we didn't even eat it all, granted I didn't buy a coffee or ice cream there but we were there 5 hours and had a great time, considering NT charge about £3 for a can id say it was considerably cheaper to take drinks/food

Yes, you do.

Wow, I’m late to this thread but holy fuck, I’d love £150 a week to spend on hanging out with my kids! Just do a little budgeting and enjoy OP, I’m jealous for sure!