Am I out of touch or is he being stingy?

[Tupaas]

Recently agreed between us that I would take a career break. I’m happy with this, I actually have a job to go to so it’s a short break… more like 12 months.

During this time I have obviously been with DS rather than him being at nursery.

DP transfers around 150 a week for activities for me and DS, like soft play, lunch out etc any toys we might get while in supermarket and so on.

He covers mortgage and bills at the moment and at weekends I might get a coffee or a lunch but as I’m not earning this comes from my savings.

Whilst it was my idea to take a year off, I’ve obviously done it with his agreement otherwise I couldn’t have done it. He was happy DS wouldn’t be in nursery as much, as was I.

I feel like 150 is a bit stingy and he doesn’t understand that a coffee, for example, is 4.50 at lots of places. Car parking, soft play, it all adds up! I want to suggest he sends over another 50 but I know he will make a comment like get a flask for coffee etc which just makes me feel irritated as it’s hard work being with a toddler all day! For context he’s a high earner, a little over 100k. Am I in the right here?!

£30/day Mon-Fri sounds reasonable.

One of my tips for a cheaper lunch when with some bigger kids is going into a supermarket for a meal deal or two and then finding a bench or sitting in the car if it's raining. I still get to sit down and haven't had to make the food but it's substantially cheaper than a cafe.

A reusable water bottle is definitely a plan - there are few circumstances where you should need to be buying bottled water.

Maybe start with a reusable mug's worth of coffee with the plan of coffee shop coffee once you've finished it.

Libraries are good entertainment for small children. In term time you'll probably find low cost toddler groups locally.

A short walk from home might be enough to constitute going out at the moment for your little one.

Wish I had £600 in disposable income for coffee and soft pay.

not sure if this is a serious question lmao 🤣🤣

Is this for your personal spendies as well? Like if you want to go to hairdresser, buy new clothes, go for evening drinks with a friend etc.? If so, then I can see how that could quickly go and it doesn’t seem wild to me to discuss increasing it (if your family can afford it). You are presumably saving about £1.8k/month in nursery fees by staying at home.

If its just for activities, seems like it should be enough. Is there anything on a subscription (swimming pool, soft play, a local stately home with playground) that you could go for to avoid paying loads of entry fees ? In London there are those Jaego’s House members clubs for people who want a regular place to go.

£150 a week for activities is great and only one child! My partner gives me £1000p/m thats to cover my fuel(£80 p/m) shopping for 5 of us (£600p/m) and activities(swimming,ballet) plus clothes etc for two. You can definitely save by taking your own coffee and food, walking or parking somewhere that you dont need to pay for. Also free activities like the library, garden centres, pet stores, long walks, parks etc. I'm sure if you try you can do just 3 paid activities a week and the rest free.

I think £150 seems like the right amount? Depends where you’re living I suppose (ie if London, soft play can be a lot more.)
could you note down everything you spend in a week and see where lots of money goes?

Growing tomatoes is an example of an outdoorsy activity and honestly if chatting to another mum while your toddler runs around soft play is a memory from your year off together then so be it but there are a lot of free activities available that I think a mum and toddler can do together if you don’t like that scroll on past. They have clearly given up a salary to do this and one person is now shouldering all the bills so cut your cloth

I think he's being very generous. Surely you don't need to go out spending and drinking coffee everyday. Do something like a nature walk .Take a picnic to the park and feed the ducks. Activities don't always have to cost a fortune

It's lazy parenting to just throw money at activities and food.

Make a packed lunch. Play games outdoors, go for a walk, go to parks (you can try out different ones). Have a movie afternoon. Get the paddling pool out.

You're paying out to entertain your child when you could be doing it yourself. Yeah, I get it, but it's not necessary.

😂 you’re not working and you haven’t even taken a picnic?! You’re taking the absolute piss.
i earn good money and I take picnics everywhere. I’m surprised he’s funding you like this!

You’re in a marriage. ‘All my worldly goods I thee endow’. You’re providing the childcare which would need to be paid for otherwise. You should come to such decisions jointly, he’s not your guardian. He earns 100k, FGS. Only you know how much these things cost. Not an equal partnership then, he’s in charge (if he was doing the childcare would it be up to you what money was available for outings etc or would you both decide?).

For context, I’m a childminder. 3 toddlers most days, including one of my own. During holidays I have 2 older ones of my own. We go out almost every day.
my ‘fun money’ budget is £50 per week. To cover lunches, ice creams, coffees, entrance fees…everything. And some weeks we just go to the park and I take my own water and coffee 🙄🤦🏽♀️ and a picnic and it’s free so I don’t even spend a tenner!!

That’s loads! I think I managed on around £20 a week when my kids were little and that included coffees at soft play. Coffees were cheaper then granted

Then you can do that 4 times a week, and the other 3 days you can go to the park or stay at home.

And like a few of the above posters have said, a lot of picnics and lunch made at home.

My gosh! You are hemorrhaging money!

We never paid for a lunch or a bottle of water when my son was little. We took our packed lunch and refillable bottle of water out with us every day. An ice cream was a luxury. Soft play is expensive where you are. We wouldn't have been doing it often at that price!

We went to the park a lot. Walked to visit horses in their fields. Bought season tickets for the nearby zoos and local museums.

£600 is a lot!

I think you’re missing the point. Spending time with your child means preparing and taking snacks with you, if you go out, and making snacks and drinks in house, when you stay in. It’s all about the time you spend together not the money you spend while you’re out together doing things separately. He’s giving you enough you just need to learn to spend it economically

If you were saying 150 a month I’d say stingy but no, unless that includes your weekly grocery shopping, I am sure lots of people would be happy with a 150 a week entertainment budget. Especially as there’s lots of things you can do with a baby which are free or very low cost anyway.

That's £30 a day for week dats. Soft play is under £10, that's 20 left for toys coffee etc per day. Unless your raiding your child to be spoilt with everything then you budget. Reduce the toys or the days out. You dont need to go every day. A trip to the park is sufficient and free. His earnings are not relevant when his paying everything and probably exhausted for you to have a year off.

I re-activated my acount to say YABU!!!

There's a middle ground between buying everything and doing everything yourself. How about a waitrose meal deal for lunch as your picnic? Bring your own coffee but get nice syrup or something to make it fancier. If they want toys, buy something for outside and go to the park to try it out.

They're not married.

Bloody hell this must be a joke or a reverse.

You are being unreasonable!£150 a week is ridiculous for two of you.my husband complains that our weekly shopping costs £150 a week for 7/8 of us and I budget carefully.you are extremely lucky he will pay that,not to be expecting more.give your head a wobble and be in touch with the real world!

De facto married then. They share a child. Clearly his rules. He should ask what she/they need. Why isn’t this a conversation rather than his decision? Why is she asking Mum’s Net and not discussing it with him? Shaky ground

Gosh! You sound really spoiled! Some people live on less than that! Get real!