Am I out of touch or is he being stingy?

[Tupaas]

Recently agreed between us that I would take a career break. I’m happy with this, I actually have a job to go to so it’s a short break… more like 12 months.

During this time I have obviously been with DS rather than him being at nursery.

DP transfers around 150 a week for activities for me and DS, like soft play, lunch out etc any toys we might get while in supermarket and so on.

He covers mortgage and bills at the moment and at weekends I might get a coffee or a lunch but as I’m not earning this comes from my savings.

Whilst it was my idea to take a year off, I’ve obviously done it with his agreement otherwise I couldn’t have done it. He was happy DS wouldn’t be in nursery as much, as was I.

I feel like 150 is a bit stingy and he doesn’t understand that a coffee, for example, is 4.50 at lots of places. Car parking, soft play, it all adds up! I want to suggest he sends over another 50 but I know he will make a comment like get a flask for coffee etc which just makes me feel irritated as it’s hard work being with a toddler all day! For context he’s a high earner, a little over 100k. Am I in the right here?!

But the OP said its too manic with her child to make a packed Lunch and a Thermos. Which I think is a bit strange unless you wanted to fill up a picnic Hamper with jugged Hare, potted Grouse, champers, chicken pieces, chicken and ham.pie, potatoe salad, trifle and lashings of ginger beer. Now that would be manic.

A hot drink, yes, but not lunch + hot drink + ice cream + softplay etc every day.

A typical SAHM week will include days when you meetup with friends at the park, have a hot drink, then go home to have lunch and go for a walk with another friend in the afternoon.
Or go to a local playgroup in the morning, lunch home and then arts & crafts at home.
I rarely ate out with young DC, just because the food on offer in kids places is not great, especially for them.

Op, stay at home mum isn't for everyone. Put your toddler into a nursery a couple of mornings a week for both your sakes.

And some gooseberry and cinnamon yoghurts 😂😂😂

I can absolutely see why the husband is giving her a ‘allowance’ if she thinks £150 a week for fun money looking after a toddler isn’t enough. I’m sure she would drain the account if he gave her a card!

You are not comparing like with like if you are getting lunch somewhere for £15 they are not serving you good quality ham at £4 a pack as they wouldn't be making any money. Plus are you putting the whole pack in a sandwich?
I find people who have never had to manage on a budget think same way as you abour picnics personally I would rather take 10mins to make up lunch and snacks for the day its really not a big deal.
Tbh you are setting yourself up for a child who will expect constant treats and entertainment i don't know anyone who has bought out ice cream 3 times this week I do however have a pack of ice lollies in the freezer that cost £2 for 3 if my dc is hot....

That's a huge amount.
I'll show you what I did with similar money over mat leave but feel free to ignore if not helpful.
I was contracting just before going on maternity leave and earning similar to your husband. The more money I've earned, the more carefully I've managed and budgeted it.

I didn't get paid for my last maternity pay, other than maternity allowance as I started a new job.

I'd saved up £20000 to cover costs of the year of mat leave and aimed to use the equivalent of £140 per week maternity allowance for toddler classes/days out/ fun spending etc. for 2 children.

In the end, I made my own lunches, brought my own coffee to baby classes and at the end of a year's maternity leave I was able to make a £6000 mortgage overpayment, having only spent about £25/week on fun. That single overpayment will save me about £12000 in interest alone.

I'll then have that interest payment available to me to spend, so I can put it in my children's pension where it will be topped up by 20%. If I pay the £12000 interest saved over 25 years and then my children wait until age 60, they might have £81000 in today's money, which could be worth £3240 per year to them for an early retirement.

Or I could spend the £12000 interest saved on 2,666 x £4.50 coffees.

Just a different way of thinking about money.

I can see I'm in the minority, but I don't think it's enough. Unless you are struggling and on a budget, I'd ask for a bit more.

I pretty much always spend about £100 on a day out with the kids. We went to a mini golf place yesterday. The golf was £53. Lunch and drinks was £30. A few more quid on a snack in the afternoon.

Looking after a toddler IS working. This is why it costs a lot of money to put them into childcare. Just bore off with your misogynistic claptrap.

Seriously?

£150 a week is a generous amount of money

you don’t have to have lunch out, you can usually find free parking somewhere, you don’t have to go to soft play every day

look on Facebook for free stuff to do
put a post up on Facebook on local pages for free stuff to do with small children

find parks

buy a tub of ice cream and cones for at home - it’ll work out at around £5 for 10 ice creams

£100k is obviously a very good salary, however it gives a take home pay of £5,713 per month. That’s assuming no pension contributions/student loan etc so it’s actually likely to be less. Take off mortgage of eg £1k (could be a lot more), bills like council tax/utilities/tv internet package etc probably best part of £1k. Supermarket shop including things like loo roll, shampoo etc probably another £1k or close. So that’s £3k total so far. Commuting costs could be £500 per month (more for some people). That’s before any money is put into savings, allow something for that. Then there’s clothes, haircuts etc for the whole family. Now allow money for a holiday and birthday/Christmas presents for family and friends.
Suddenly there’s not huge amounts of money left and £600 per month purely for going out and doing things with your toddler seems like a significant outgoing based on what’s left after everything else is paid for.

It's hard to know from this. Is that all you get a week to spend on everything or is that just for soft play etc? Is that for fuel, transport? If so, 20 quid a day is a bit tight.

Kindly op yes looking after a toddler is a challenge but it seems a bit insensitive to many mums to say it’s miserable unless you’ve got pots of money to spend. We have about £10 a week for fun money for two kids over the holidays and that’s a stretch. Yes packing a picnic is much much less money than eating out and the ingredients you buy last 3/4 days meals not one. Likewise if it’s hot have ice cream at home, out maybe twice over the summer as a treat. Travel cup of coffee made at home to take on a walk. Yes 600 a month is a huge amount of money as fun money. Even if you spent 100 which is still a huge amount to spend on such things ds could have 200 a month in a savings account for when he’s older, surely that’s a better use for the money than coffee etc even if you do have the funds

Really? £20 per day to spend on whatever you fancy sounds pretty good to me!

Just budget better.
Dont constantly eat out. Make food and take it with you.
Dont buy toys every week. You will just end up with a spoilt child.
They also dont need soft play or similar every day.
If it really is just for coffee/lunch and soft play then dont you think 200 a week is such a waste .

I can't see where the rest of his salary goes, to make a decision. Truth is that £600/ month "fun money" is far more than many of us could dream of. If the mortgage, bills, pension investments etc eat up the rest of your money, then its certainly not an unreasonable sum to have at your disposal. Having said that, if he's spending more than that just on himself, the picture skews the other way.
Slight deviation, please make sure you continue to make your own pension contributions/NI contributions, in your own name, while you are not working.

You’re still buying bottled water? Don’t you have one of the latest must have yummy mummy water bottles? You could definitely buy one with £150 per week fun money. Talk about first world problems.

But do you do these sorts of things everyday of the year? You are suggesting £100 a day is normal. To many people this might be a once a week treat in the school holidays, not an every day spend with a toddler.
If I know we are doing a big day out that is costing that much, the other days of the week are cheap days. Park, library, taking out the scooters, feed the ducks, museum, things at home.

But it's to entertain their child. As she said, soft play can be 7 quid to enter. Then drinks and snacks for the child and you. If there's transport on top of that? It depends on what exactly is to come out of that money. If it's literally just entry fee and snacks, it's OK. Also, you need to put it into context. How much disposable income do they have? We need more info.

That's amazing amount to spend a day. I used to pay £1 or 50p to the local church for a playgroup and that was all I paid on the day. My dd is 8 so not that many years ago. Us mums meet at each other's house. I don't think we ever did coffee out. We did go to weatherspoons a few times but that was once a month as it's expensive. Your dp is very generous.

I still stand by what I said - £150 a week to entertain a toddler is plenty of money. They don’t need to go to a £7 soft play everyday or be bought drinks and snacks. Get a multipack of cartons, crisps and oranges from Tesco and take your own food!

Where did we get this idea that kids need loads of money spending on them everyday? I sound like my dad but when I was growing up, soft play was something we did maybe once a month in winter when it was pissing down with rain - it certainly wasn’t a weekly occurrence and it certainly didn’t include lunch!

Id be pissed off to it's a total waste. Yesterday I took 4 kids to soft play and a baby then had a picnic...£31 soft play £2.85 parking, £3 coffee rest of the week will be free apart from parking and picnics den building in the woods etc.

Absolutely days out can cost a lot. You don’t do an expensive activity plus lunch out every day though do you? Also yours was for three older kids, op has one toddler. It’s an unreasonable expectation to do a costly activity plus pay for lunch out every day. Park, library, playgroup, feed the ducks etc etc. all things op can go out and do for free with her toddler to mix it up.

Right, but you don’t spend £100 every day, do you? Or are you really saying you spend 3k a month in the school holidays entertaining your kids?

I think that's plenty TBH. We used to have a couple of days out when Dc were small and DH at work. We used to have a packed lunch though. Also every day out seems a lot .painting .baking .dog walking all featured. Try a couple of free things as well .it's good to have chill time as well .DC to play and have chats and down time