Am I out of touch or is he being stingy?

[Tupaas]

Recently agreed between us that I would take a career break. I’m happy with this, I actually have a job to go to so it’s a short break… more like 12 months.

During this time I have obviously been with DS rather than him being at nursery.

DP transfers around 150 a week for activities for me and DS, like soft play, lunch out etc any toys we might get while in supermarket and so on.

He covers mortgage and bills at the moment and at weekends I might get a coffee or a lunch but as I’m not earning this comes from my savings.

Whilst it was my idea to take a year off, I’ve obviously done it with his agreement otherwise I couldn’t have done it. He was happy DS wouldn’t be in nursery as much, as was I.

I feel like 150 is a bit stingy and he doesn’t understand that a coffee, for example, is 4.50 at lots of places. Car parking, soft play, it all adds up! I want to suggest he sends over another 50 but I know he will make a comment like get a flask for coffee etc which just makes me feel irritated as it’s hard work being with a toddler all day! For context he’s a high earner, a little over 100k. Am I in the right here?!

the household earns over £100k. Your comment makes no sense.

You're a gold-digger with no shame, massive red flag - hopefully your husband sees you for who you are sooner rather than later.

£600 a month on coffee and soft play is a huge amount!! Yes, get the flask! You should easily be able to manage on this if it’s just for “fun” stuff. Plenty of people are looking after toddlers and not spending money on coffee.

If you have a national trust pass then you can definitely afford a coffee there out of you £150, that still leaves you with £146 for the rest of the week? Take a picnic, kids love picnics. Sometimes when we can’t be bothered to make a picnic we get sandwiches and sausage rolls from Greggs on the way to a NT place, as it’s still cheaper than eating in their cafes.

We budget £150 a month for kids activities - that includes soft play etc but also swimming lessons. We have two kids and honestly it still feels like we have plenty of treat days out, though admittedly I am not a SAHM.

Have you tried your local swimming pool? Ours does kids for £1 for some sessions which is great. We have another leisure centre with a soft play that’s £3 (no cafe so no temptations to spend on other things).

I honestly can’t get my head around how you can spend so much, I would love you to break down a whole week or even month for us.

I think it depends. If it's purely for days out/toddler activities then it's plenty. I guess I am thinking what about;
Toddler clothes
Petrol/transport
Your clothing/any toiletries, cosmetics
Gifts/presents for any kids birthday parties
You say lunch/snacks- is that any extra stuff from the supermarket as the food shop e buys doesn't include lunch and snacks, or can you utilise the fridge rather than buying it out

If all that is separate to this 600 a month, then you should be fine, but I would probably spend more than that if I had to cover those extra things too. I wouldn't do a paid activity every day, go to the play park, go for a walk, run errands, have a picnic - at most you might need a coffee as a luxury on those days. Maybe do 1 or 2 paid activities a week, look at toddler playgroups at halls or churches which are a few pounds (way less than soft play)

You sound lonely/unfulfilled. Do you not enjoy being in the house or do you need to go out because your husband is wfh? It feels as though you are spending money because you don’t know what else to do. Are you a member of any children and parent activity groups? Things like swimming, singing, signing, baby gym might give you more of a focus on doing rather than spending aimlessly in coffee shops

You're out of touch. £650 a month just for fun times with one child is more than many of us could even dream of.

As someone who is not a boomer but who saved to buy a house by not spending silly money on coffees, I agree with you. I have friends who cannot afford a house and think I’m loaded as have a decent house however, we’ve worked for it and been sensible. I’m fed up of hearing I can’t afford a house but I spend a fortune on take aways, coffees, lunch, extravagant days out and holidays because it’s my right to have it. No, it’s not. It’s your right to be responsible.

What is your average week OP? How many times a week do you do soft play, lunch, etc

I used to buy annual passes to different places. Expensive on the month I bought them but then free entry for the next year. And NT pass is a god send.

Some families have to subsist on £150 a week.!!!

Projecting much?

she's caring for their child. You think gold-diggers ambitions is to go to soft play? 😂

JFC! Yes, you’re horribly out of touch! You also sound ill at ease with your own child, tbh, and like you don’t know what to do with them. Go back to basics - the park, walks, the library, local toddler groups, a bus ride, a train ride, etc etc. Meet up with other mums and let your children play while you chat. Limit more expensive days out to a few times a month. You need to learn to budget - and to make packed lunches!

I'd be trying to do my part to save for our family, not getting as much out of your husband as possible. It should be about what's best for the family as a whole. Saving for dc future or spoiling yourself with lunch out and coffees. Its already a generous amount, doesn't sound like you are millionaires.

But is spending over £6k a year after tax (so had to earn over £10k) to have days out makes even less sense. You could have a family holiday for that.

Of course it is much easier to eat out, but most people don't because it is expensive.

Even if ham is £3, it is much cheaper than spending £15 when out.

Just buy some ham and bread.

I haven't read all the posts so this has probably been said. It's summer, the weather has largely been great. Go to the park, take a picnic, play on the playground, feed the ducks. Go on a walk locally, go to the beach with bucket and spade, play in the garden, do a nature trail, pick blackberries, arrange a playdate, fly a kite, when out buy a box of ice creams from the supermarket if there's a group of you.

Indoor ideas; go to a local group at a church hall, go to a museum or gallery (lots of summer holiday sessions around for free and often year round pre-school activities), paint and craft at home, go to the library, they often have free session, choose and read books at home, bake, watch a movie on TV with homemade popcorn, make a den. My 3year old spent an afternoon playing with a large cardboard box and some pegs the other day, I had coffee at home. Very cheap day and nobody was unhappy.

My husband earns similar to yours and is not stingy, I could spend what I liked and he wouldn't mind. But no way would I think it necessary to spend anywhere near your budget. The odd paid for activity is fine but doing expensive things every day is totally unnecessary and will likely make your child as spoilt and unimaginative as you are.

Yes, good positive advice - you and your child will have just as much fun.

it's not that much easier to eat at a soft play than making lunch for a toddler.

Get some cookie cutters and cut everything in a cute shape and done 😂

£13 for soft play for one toddler? Is that standard now? Sounds a lot.

But anyway thats £35 today but thats still £115 for the next 4 days, and surely you dont eat out everyday? Parks? Museums? Picnics? Walks? You can get memberships for English Heritage or National Trust and thats one payment per year?

I think £600 a month for play is a lot. But surely if one week you wanted to take him somewhere thats more expensive surely that week you could tell DP and get more? Or broach a joint account so this isnt a problem?

£13 for soft play is a lot. Do they do an annual pass you can buy instead of weekly?

Make your toddler a packed lunch every night for the following day. If you’re heading out take it with you, if you’re at home eat it at home. Make it routine. As for the filling… “Good quality ham” c’mon - a tin of tuna is £1 and will do more than 2 sandwiches for a toddler, a bit of cheese or cheese spread, leftover chicken from the night before. Why does it have to be ham at £4/pack? 🤷‍♀️

Hummus and peppers/carrot/cucumber/bread sticks
Fruit
Yogurt
Mini muffins
The list is endless for your toddler. There’s no need to eat out most days.

Just because it’s hot 3 days a week doesn’t mean your child needs 3 ice-creams. That’s quite a lot for a toddler if they’re having a full scoop each time!

“a bottle of water” why don’t you carry a bottle with you? Why are you buying plastic bottles of water regularly? If you’re out what’s wrong with tap water?

£150 a week is a lot of money. If it’s just for activities for you to do with your toddler then that should be plenty. Even if you buy one coffee a day Mon-Fri that still leaves about £127.50 a week.

I’ve read all of your posts and it seems that you aren’t good at budgeting. Maybe you need to learn? Sit down and research some free groups/cheap toddler groups. Find some annual passes. Go to the park and take a picnic (that you made not bought).

Picnic does not add stress plus that pack will do more than one outing - probably 3-4 (depending on how big the pack is)

My kids love a picnic at the park when it’s a nice day.

A career break in order to not put their baby into nursery, which is something they both want and agreed to.
Whether or not £150 is enough aside, your comment is ridiculous. Nursery is way more than £30 a day for 5 days.

My local zoo does a yearly membership of £72 for the whole year unlimited with it free for those under 3, we go all the time and take a packed lunch with us (just an example I bet theres a place near you that does the same), you can also go to the park, playgroups, museums etc. kindly you are out of touch especially when a lot of families don’t have any fun money at all and yet you can’t manage on £650.

I disagree with the the majority. If you need more he should fork out.

Is this seriously real? How entitled can you possibly be?! £600 a month just for activities (or coffee for yourself because you can’t stand a day with your child without treating yourself?) is madness and this thread is tone deaf in the current economy. Are you sure you want to take a career break to spend time with your son? Sounds like you’re desperate to fill your days