Ex wants me to pay for kids’ school uniform

[dancingdad]

We are separated and have twins who are starting school this September. I pay her child care each month (£400). She’s sent me a long list of uniform they need for school. Am I right in thinking the child support I pay should go on this?
she has a kid by someone else too and the father was never asked to pay child support so I’m thinking my money will no doubt go on his uniform too!

I want them in my life more than she’ll allow! I buy them clothes which I never see them wear once they’re in her care, and she refuses to let me take them away on holiday for two days or have them sleep over at mine, even though we’re meant to have equal care. She only gets in touch when she wants money.

It’s literally the bare minimum.

You should be ashamed. You’re literally choosing to spend time moaning about children that you created needing essential items like school uniforms. You’ve used it as an opportunity to try and make out their mum is some kind of ruthless gold digger because she’s not putting the £6.57 you so benevolently pay daily to what you consider better use.

I literally spent more on my dogs last month than you did on your children.

You’re a disgrace.

And not only that but be actively looking to get out of paying anything extra.

Then go to court and get a court order that she has to comply to

And that’s what is wrong with it. I’m not saying he’s not complying with the law, I’m saying firstly the law is wrong and secondly many non resident parents (usually fathers) ignore what they could legally get away with paying and actually support their children.

Why haven’t you gone to court for 50/50?

I’m not being a shit dad and buy all that when I see them. Was simply asking if school uniform is included in what I pay.

Then you need to go back to court and fight for your rights the same way a lot of parents have to.

This gets my goat so much. Why does it matter which parent pays for the uniform? You think school uniforms expensive when you can get items for £3 in Asda you wait until they want to start a multitude of clubs. Do you not want to contribute?

It is a one off expense, I would tell her you want the children for the day and you will buy it, not for her but for your children, your only giving her £50 a week per child, be the dad, you children will remember you did it.

Technically, legally, you don’t have to pay your ex a penny more than the £400 a month. Is that the answer you were looking for?

How often do you have your children ? I think that makes a difference . If you have them half the time it’s a big difference to having them 1/2 days per week . If you have them half the time , then you shouldn’t really be having to pay towards them when they’re with their mother ( that is if she isn’t buying clothes ti send to you , your buying their food when their with you etc ) so in that case - I stress , if you have them half the time , that money you pay should cover uniforms . I want to be clear that I mean if it’s 50/50. If you don’t , if she has the lions share of the time with them then she has to pay for pretty much all their food, electric, etc . In that case , £400 per month should just be for that not extras like uniform. I think you need to clarify this and is it JUST childcare you pay for or do you pay maintenance and childcare?

If you don’t have the children 50/50 you should be paying towards uniform. Bear in mind the uniform is for your children , not your ex.

My son’s dad has our son just under 50/50 - he has him 3 nights per week and I have him 4. I don’t send clothes to his dads , I pay for our sons clubs and he pays for his glasses ( both quite an expense and an equal expense ) . He doesn’t give me a penny and I would not ever take money as - why should I ? He pays for his son for almost half the time. When it comes to uniform , I buy some sets and so does he . So we aren’t sending clothes in between houses. Then the bigger things ( coat , bag , shoes , trainers ) we split it - I’ll buy some and he will too . Dinner money - we both put an equal amount on to his dinner account each month.

Doesn't mean you shouldn't contribute more when needed. Cms is the minimum.

CMS is the minimum you should contribute towards everyday expenses including food, bills etc
uniforms are extras that need to be purchased.

My son’s dad goes half on bug expenses. He asks how much I’ll be spending and then we split it- sometimes he gives extra.

That’s how it should be. Not nitpicking

Are you nuts? £400 between two children a month won’t get a lot there’s food, electricity, heating, washing clothes, buying clothes, toys, days out, childcare and the rest

uniform go 50/50 with her, same with any clubs they may want to do

So go to court. And get more time

If you want to see them more then get going to court and fight her for custody

I think you're getting a bit of a hard time here OP. It's quite common for mothers to block contact then moan when the ex doesn't contribute. And it shouldn't have to go to court for that to be stopped, but sadly people aren't always reasonable otherwise.

Big expenses such as uniform should be 50:50.

Well no. How could it be? You're paying £50 a week per child. That will barely feed them, will it? Never mind put a roof over their heads and clothe them. You should be paying half the cost of raising them ideally. Parents should contribute equally.

Can you afford to pay more than the CMS amount?

Even when my Dad was living with my Aunt and Uncle whilst he waited to buy a house after the divorce we saw him every Saturday.
When he moved in to his new house we stayed every Friday night.
When my mum moved house he bought a new house 5 minutes from us.
He paid mum AND bought our uniforms and shoes.
My Dad stepped up whenever needed not when just necessary.
Put up a fight for your twins,don't just whine about money from the sidelines.

Its irrelevant - your kids need a uniform pay up. Should they suffer because of their parents

I have twins and the bill for uniform for a bog standard state school was upwards of £300 so refusing to contribute to that is a dickhead move

do you actually know how expensive it is raising twins?! i do - and my ex husband pays £0 because he’s also a dickhead

Then you go to court and get a court order in place. Why haven't you done that? They are your kids. In the meantime, help her financially. What you pay is a shamefully low amount. Not surprised that this isn't enough to cover the cost of raising twins on her own. In the end, she wants the money for your DC. Just fight for 50/50 care through the courts if you are serious but I hazard a guess that this arrangement suits you in any ways given what you have posted

£400 per child or for both?

If the latter, YABU and go halves. And I very much doubt she has ££££ spare to clothe her other child 🙄