Ex wants me to pay for kids’ school uniform

[dancingdad]

We are separated and have twins who are starting school this September. I pay her child care each month (£400). She’s sent me a long list of uniform they need for school. Am I right in thinking the child support I pay should go on this?
she has a kid by someone else too and the father was never asked to pay child support so I’m thinking my money will no doubt go on his uniform too!

Have you made as much effort and inquiry into having your kids more as you have made into not paying more than £400 a month for their keep?

Do you think she only spends £400 a month on the children? It’s really sad she only gets in touch when she needs money - work out the cost and step up rather than paying the government minimum and maybe she wouldn’t have to ask. How embarrassing to have to ask your ex for money - don’t put her in that position. Maybe you could have thought “oh, twins are starting school so is there a uniform list and I’ll help get some bits and fund half?”

These kids aren't in school yet, so which nursery are they attending for £400pm each? Assuming we're getting everything else for £150...

'We are meant to have equal care' is a very loose phrase.
Do you have a CAO? What are the terms ? This will inform the Child Maintenance amount you have to pay.
If there are issues about disappearing clothes, overnights, holidays, etc. then you need to go (back) to Court.

£400 per month.

The OP is paying £200 for each child and has none of their basic housing, utilities, food or transport costs, let alone any of their costs above subsistence living.

Wild.

Yep. Op you’ve posted on the wrong site for this

its a fair comment to point out that the mum should cover half too. It’s not about the dad covering the whole cost. Does your ex work?

Legally yes that's all you "should" pay if that's what child maintenance has calculated it at

Morally? You should contribute even if it's just the school shoes next time you have them take them to be fitted for school shoes buy them label them send them back with them

So you are paying the minimum amount that you're forced to. How about actually supporting your children?

If you want them in your life more then go back to court and tell them that she's not keeping to the custody agreement.

£400 per month. In total.

Do you think that mum only contributes £400 towards their upkeep per month as well, bearing in mind they seem to live with her full time?

And? Do you really think she will have enough left over from £400 per month to feed, clothe and entertain 2 children, to spend it on anything else? You’re having a laugh mate

Your not mature enough to have kids it seems.

You punish your children because YOUR wants aren't met... seriously?

How pathetic can you be, its not about what you 'want' its about what children NEED. They NEED clothes, you don't need to see them in those clothes for them to still need them ffs.

As I said, it's supposed to cover half. OP's ex either gets 30 hours free or 85% paid by UC depending on her circumstances. 30 hours is full time preschool. So no, for a preschool child there are no childcare expenses during school hours so the fact they are not at school is irrelevant.

I do also think you need to separate this from contact arrangements. If you want more contact / joint residence you need to go to court for it.

But secondary school uniforms definitely aren’t included in £400 pcm for two kids.

Have you kitted a child out for secondary?

school shoes
indoor trainers
outdoor trainers
footy boots
shin pads
footy socks
trousers
jumpers
shirts
ties
blazers
bag

Both my dc were in adult shoes size before they got to secondary. It was the trainers and football stuff that cost so much. And blazers, and bags and coats.

Then there’s the

Er, yes? My child doesn't cost us anything like that much. And twins isn't double the costs, a lot of things you only need one of between two children.

If she works term time only, school hours and they aren't in a school that charges for lunch time cover. Otherwise, like most parents she will have a hefty bill to pay each month towards childcare.

I actually think £400 is fair, if you pay for childcare on top of that. If it works out at half their expenses etc that’s £800, no way do I spend £800 on my kids a month (I’d be significantly better off splitting from my DP if that’s the case!).

In any event, I suspect the uniform should come out of the CMS but I’d just text back saying something like “perfect, I’ll buy x, y and z”.

1. £400 doesn’t seem much
2. It’s maintenance. It covers (barely) the day to day. Big expenses such as trips, school uniforms, clubs, driving lessons, weddings should be contributed to separately.

I would suggest sending a reply to her saying.

Hi Sarah, totally get it. Happy to pay for their uniform. Do you need a hand sorting it all? Shall I take the kids to get measured for school shoes at Clark’s this weekend? That’ll be a big expensive covered. Then I’ll transfer another £100 for anything else you need. Thanks for sorting, bet it’s a bloody nightmare figuring out sizes and how many you need of each item.

We were never married. And the reason we’re not together is because she was a drug addict.

Are you unable to think for yourself?

Oh well then, that’s your parenting responsibilities done then isn’t it ?

two sperm donated ✔

Minimal CMS money paid ✔

Where would you like your father of the year trophy posted, home or work?🏆

But you haven't gone to court for 50/50, let alone residency?

The '30 free hours' is a misnomer - it rarely covers the cost of 30 hours as charged by a nursery.

In any event, the mother will likely need more than this in order to hold down a full time job bearing in mind she will need to do all drop offs and pick ups around it.

Any sick days of her two children (which are quite a few even just with one child) will be fielded by her, with those financial consequences of missing work also falling solely on her.

She is then also responsible for housing them (a studio apartment which the OP could choose to rent to keep costs down isn't an option for her), the increased utilities from having two children, feeding them, clothing them as they rapidly grow, and the cost of transport to and from childcare. Those name only the bare basics of their living expenses.

If you think £400 covers half of all of those costs, I have a bridge you might be interested in.

What did the judge say when you went to court? I know I'd have been to court ASAP if my children were being withheld from me, so I presume you took this obvious step to ensure or at least fight for your children's right to be with their father too.

Do you have Parental Responsibility - are you on the birth certificates?

ETA, I've just seen the drug addict comment. Did you apply for the children to live with you, and what did Social Services or the court determine?

TBH, some relatively inexpensive primary school uniform seems to be the least of your worries, especially if she was deemed the more responsible parent.