Ex wants me to pay for kids’ school uniform

[dancingdad]

We are separated and have twins who are starting school this September. I pay her child care each month (£400). She’s sent me a long list of uniform they need for school. Am I right in thinking the child support I pay should go on this?
she has a kid by someone else too and the father was never asked to pay child support so I’m thinking my money will no doubt go on his uniform too!

So you pay the bare minimum cms have required and are now complaining about buying the uniform?

You do realise how many expenses she will have with the children that will be using up the £400 maintenance and most likely going over too.

Do you have them 50% of the time? If you do, it’s your kids just pay it especially if you can afford it! If not, you absolutely should be paying it, it’s the least you can do.

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Gee, you pay £400 a month? How much does your ex pay towards your kids' upkeep? And presumably she earns as much as you do??

That's the legal minimum you can get away with paying - not the amount you morally should. They are your children - not a credit card debt you are paying off - the more you support them financially the better (within reason). If you don't trust your ex directly for some of it then pay for the things directly yourself e.g. clothes, uniform, school activities, books, etc

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Fed up with people with this attitude. They are your children too. Of course you should help to cover this. It's extremely expensive and with two to kit out, you're unreasonable to have not offered in the first instance. You've come to the wrong forum to be wanting the answer that your support should only extend to what CSA expects you to pay.

Good lord my ex paid me £300 a month for twins but that was 25 years ago! £400 will go nowhere these days regardless of what you were told to pay her.

Just pay up for the uniform you tight so and so.

CMS is the bare minimum, there is nothing preventing you from paying more and making a decent, and mostly, fair contribution. It takes tens of thousands of pounds per annum to raise a child. You know that you only take care of a tiny percentage. Why is that? Have you considered to have the DC 50 per cent of the time and share all costs equally? if not, why not?

I think it's fair enough to ask to share big ticket items like school uniform or school trips ect. It's then up to you what you do.
If you were together (and had separate finances) and she asked you to contribute for uniforms, would you refuse because you paid for other things? Or make a suggestion?

Maybe come up with a number that seems fair to you and offer it as extra?
A list is helpful as it allows you to potentially take some of the financial AND mental load off her shoulders.

Maybe you could say "If you get the school shoes, uniform and coat, Ill get the PE uniform, trainers and bags"
That then means she only has half of it to think about, half of it to source and half of it to pay for.

Why don't you offer to have them full-time and see how much change you get out of your £400?

I don’t believe for a second this is real.

Never referred to my children as kids, absolutely hate the word. £400 won’t go far for 2 children, why wouldn’t you want to pay.

These comments make me think my agreement with my ex is too low 😂 we have a mutual agreement for 150 per month.. child maintenance calculator suggests 500 but I was trying to be nice. 150 for 2 kids. Haha. Also, OP you should go 50/50 on uniform.

Everyone knows CMS amounts are derisory. They are based on the father’s income not the child’s actual needs.

Decent fathers pay half the actual cost of raising the children. Self aware bad fathers keep quiet about only paying the CMS rate.

Then there are the completely obtuse bad fathers who genuinely think two children can be raised on £800 a month (twice the £400)….

Legally, you’re not obliged to pay any more than that amount OP.

You’re posting on a mums’ forum, and many find the CMS amount doesn’t go far enough.

If you can afford more, especially as she’s paying for childcare and costs for twins can be higher as no opportunity for hand-me-downs, it’d be kind to pay more if you can, for big one-off costs like uniforms.

But legally, you’re not obliged to.

If your children are entitled to £500 maintenance then they should get it. If you don't need it save it for them.

If your ex and you both paid £150 each how far would you get raising 2 children with £300?

Oh well in that case..!

It’s not supposed to be half the costs, it’s supposed to be a contribution to the other parent’s costs.

If OP’s got overnights, he’s still likely paying a lot for his twins in terms of housing costs.

What a prince, I can’t imagine why OP and his ex wife aren’t together anymore lol

Half and half is fair.

These expenses are over and above ordinary monthly expenses of raising children and aren’t optional, so I’d say they are over and above maintenance.

It’s also unfair for one parent’s expenses towards the children to be always capped (at the maintenance amount) and the other parent’s to be endless. You’ll also need to be putting money aside for secondary school trips which are pricey.

Don't be a half wit. If CMS told you to stick your hand in the fire would you?

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Agree! Why be nice if it means depriving your own children?

Because he's controlling and wants to ensure the ex has no spare cash for anything nice for herself that might bring her any joy

I agree.

I don’t think maintenance includes school uniform. Not the minimum maintenance many men pay anyway. While you’re here, if your child wants to play a sport, that’s not included either, not the fees or the uniform or the gift for team manager or the end of season pizza
. If they want a treat on their birthday,or a party, also not included. New shoes? Not included in maintenance.cute bedsheets? Not included. Buying a present for her friends birthday parties? Not included. Don’t be a shit dad. For your child’s sake.