Double booked feel guilty

[TheOpalFox]

I have double booked myself . I said I’d have my friends kids for her, but now I have booked a
holiday. I feel so guilty
i cant change the holiday :( but didn’t want to let my friend down
any tips please ? Am I a terrible friend?

Pull the other one.

In the unlikely event that this thread is true, I think it would depend why you were having the children. You say it was supposed to be two days, was that going to be two separate days running, or two days including an overnight? If it’s the latter, yes, you are a shit friend. Actually, you sound like a shit friend full stop.

Depends on the reason for childcare. Funeral/wedding/birth of another child - extremely poor form. Work - not ideal but she’ll have to take unpaid leave if she cannot get cover at short notice. You are obviously unreasonable for booking a holiday without checking your calendar and naive to think your friendship won’t be affected. However, there are some people who take advantage of friends and 2 days childcare is a big ask so for me it really depends on the reason for the childcare, how often she asks and whether it’s reciprocated. Ultimately though, your friend will always run this risk if she relies on favours rather than professional paid childcare.

A good example of why not to lie. Flat battery, no calendar, booked holiday.

Far better to have told the truth, which is more acceptable. "I saw the holiday at a good price so nabbed it quick. Sorry to let you down."
No friend should expect another to book their annual holiday to accommodate their children for two days, especially with two weeks notice to find an alternative.

You booked a holiday in 2 weeks time and didn't check your calendar while doing so? This is so odd.

Well sometimes we make mistakes. Next time double check your calendar before commiting to something. I've read your update and can see you've told her, which is good as it gives her time to arrange an alternative plan. Hopefully it won't ruin your friendship. What has she replied? Is she okay with you.

No one does have to help, but if you say you are going to do it then it is very short notice to suddenly book a holiday two weeks before the date and say you couldn't check the calendar because your phone had a dead battery. I would consider this very poor.
I don't think it's being a CF at all to ask, the OP could, and should, have said no if they had any doubts over doing it or knew they were waiting to book a holiday.

Lots of friends will look after children for another friend if they ask. It's often a mutual arrangement.

I don't know why everyone is giving you a hard time. It was nice of you to offer to take her kids, now you can't do it. She will have to make alternative arrangements. Its not like she doesn't have time to do so, and there is no way I would not book a holiday because I was doing a freebie for a friend. Honestly anyone saying otherwise is a doormat/martyr

WTAF is wrong with mumsnet??
I regularly look after a friends kid as a favour as she has no family and i don't work on the day she needs childcare. But i do it as a favour providing i have no other plans, she knows that if something does come up i will let her know and she'd have to make other plans. If I had opportunity to book a holiday I'd be booking it and would have to tell friend sorry, with at least a weeks notice.
As it stands i have never had to cancel on my friend, but what if i was ill or had an emergency? Your friend should be prepared with plan b just in case.

Some of the responses here are crazy!! OP, if I ask a friend to help out with my kids, it is always on the understanding that something might crop up, illness, change of plan. While I might be inwardly frustrated that I had to try and find childcare, it would never be directed at my friend!! Some people here have such unreasonable expectations that another persons world should always revolve around their own agenda.
You have given two weeks notice and a full apology for not double checking your dates. Go and enjoy your holiday, any real friend would be delighted for you.

I wouldn't agree to anything I couldn't definitely commit to. If you agree to do something with the threat of backing out last minute then that causes issues for the other person. It doesn't matter what it is, if I wanted to go to a concert and asked someone to go with me I expect a yes or no answer. Not a "well maybe but if I get a better offer I will let you down last minute"

You either commit or you don't.

I do get your point, but I don't think life is as black and white as that, i never agree to a favour with the intention of finding something better but as somebody who hasn't been on holiday for years, if the opportunity came and the only thing stopping me was some agreed childcare as a favour for a friend then I'm afraid the holiday would come out on top. I've looked after my friends child, after a night of puking when all i wanted to do was curl up in bed because i knew she wouldn't find alternative childcare in a matter of hours notice so I'm not that flaky.

I've also had a friend cancel a spa day with me (all paid by me) 2 days in advance because they forgot they had a hair appointment which could have be rearranged, the spa day couldn't. Yes i was annoyed but i sucked it up invited someone else and moved on.

Hopefully the OP's friend will understand as she is remorseful and it wasn't deliberate.

The op could probably have chosen a different date for the holiday. She said she would look after her friends kids first. She should never have agreed to it if she didnt want to do it

absolutely no chance she rang her.

I have to call nursery today as I've made a mistake with booking an extra session over August. The bank holiday is quite early this year, it threw me.

That's all that's happened here - a mistake.

If it's an overnight because her friend is in hospital etc, fair enough. If they booked in some helpful swaps months ago to help with school holidays, then it's just a blip.

Why were you having them? Was she working so just daytime or was she off to, say, a child-free wedding so you were having them full-time for 2 days? I guess the first would hopefully be easier for her to cover but if it’s something like the second I’d expect her to be massively pissed off with you. Either way you’ve let her down.

Offer to help pay for any childcare she might need? Or try to get childcare from your friends or family? Your friendship could well be over.

So, if you were browsing through holiday sites and happened to see your ideal two weeks, other weeks maybe £200 more, you wouldn't go due to two days arranged to look after a friend's children? Or maybe book later, pay more and friend pay the difference?

It all depends on why the friend needed the OP to look after her DC for 2 days. If it isn’t for something major, like going into hospital for a minor op, giving birth or moving house, then IMO it’s no big deal. I’ve had this happen and it really isn’t something to get worked up about. You just make alternative arrangements.

So I can’t answer the question as to whether or not the OP is a poor friend. If it’s for a something major, yes definitely, especially if the friend doesn’t have family support. If it’s just so her friend can have a break, no, as it isn’t as if she hasn’t given her friend plenty of notice to make alternative arrangements. These things happen.

I do find it quite interesting, though, that the OP has avoided answering the question as to why the friend needed childcare. She also hasn’t told us how the friend reacted. I suspect the friend was upset with her, hence the question was she a bad friend?

I would pay the extra if I needed to because I already had commitments. I would potentially speak to my friend about it and say "I want to go on holiday, it clashes with these dates, are you able to find an alternative"

If not well then that's life, I either go or don't go, just the same as what I would if I couldn't get the time off work.

Ok I feel like I should of
give more info. It was so she could work but I had her kids last year for 2 whole weeks. I said this year it’s too much for 2 whole weeks , but could have them 2
dayd, so I still do feel guilty , but yeah :(
I have helped her loads
il probably have them over Xmas when she works over Xmas

What was her reaction when you told her you’d double booked?

She said it’s fine but I have feeling it’s not :(

You probably won’t be asked in the future by her then.

Take that as a win.

Well, you can hardly be surprised.