Double booked feel guilty

[TheOpalFox]

I have double booked myself . I said I’d have my friends kids for her, but now I have booked a
holiday. I feel so guilty
i cant change the holiday :( but didn’t want to let my friend down
any tips please ? Am I a terrible friend?

Would be a struggle to book any childcare at this short notice though I’d have thought!

I was thinking maybe a holiday club, obviously it depends on where they live.

I know, I know. Some people are flakey, I get it.

It’s poor but you just have to apologise and own it. It will depend on how much she values your friendship and how much the cancellation affects her as to how this will impact on your relationship going forward.

Mn is weird sometimes.

usually it’s all “they’re your kids - you need to sort something. No one owes you childcare”.

Now everyone thinks someone should t take a holiday to have someone else’s kids for 2 days.

OP it’s not great timing but I would never expect a friend to give up their annual holiday to look after my child. I’d be annoyed if they didn’t tell me straight away.

The issue here was it was already promised and put in the diary.

If they had said no from the offset, MN posters would say 'oh yes, well you can't expect others to look after your children' but that wasn't the case here.

I'd agree with you if the OP had booked her holiday and then her friend had asked her to look after her kids. However, that is not what happened. OP agreed to look after friend's children and then booked a holiday that conflicts with her commitment.

Saying 'no', is totally appropriate and wouldn't make her unreasonable. Saying 'yes' and then backing out with only about two weeks left, does make her unreasonable. Not waiting until she could check her phone to confirm that he was available for the holiday, makes her unreasonable.

Your question was, are you a bad friend?
Yes and not someone I would remain friends with.

If it’s a weekend what possible alternative childcare is the friend going to find? I guess whether this affects the friendship going forward depends on what event the friend is potentially missing out on ( and how important that is).

How did she react OP?

Its not ideal, but can’t really be helped now.

Hopefully

What was her reason for asking you to have her children for 2 days op?

so Did you ‘offer’ because your mate was saying she couldn’t get child care, and you’re a ‘people pleaser’ and offered even though it wasn’t really what you wanted to do? In which case I think it would be easy to forget you had a commitment and booked a holiday, when you didn’t have access to your phone. Also a good lesson for you to learn the importance of saying ‘no’ or keeping quiet and not offering your services (very hard to do if you’ve been brought up to appease and or please)
Anyway, OP, no I wouldn’t lose a friendship over it, because I value my friends and understand we’re human, mistakes happen. If she’s a good friend then it shouldn’t impact your friendship, and quite honestly if she does pull the plug of the friendship then it wasn’t a friendship worth keeping anyway.

She’d already agreed to have the children before booking the holiday though.
Noone would expect her to cancel a pre booked holiday to look after someone else’s kids, but she’d made a commitment and has now let her friend down. It can be really difficult to find childcare in the school holidays, especially last minute. Where I am, all holiday clubs are booked up way in advance with people scrambling for places.

Is it a regular arrangement or was it a one off? I only say that because I went through a phase of having my friend's child several days a week ( overnights too), complicated situation. But when something came up that I'd rather be doing with my own family on one of the days when she had made plans, I had to let her down and I did not feel guilty. This was an arrangement that was in my friend's favour, went without thanks and it was at the detriment of me being able to make my own plans.

Does that matter, OP agreed but has now decided she'd rather go on holiday...shitty behaviour

Really? No, holiday wins.

Why does the holiday win? It was booked after agreeing to have the children and without checking original plans. It's shitty behaviour to agree to something then change your mind when you get what you perceive to be a better offer.

Yes of course it’s going to affect your friendship. You have let her down at quite short notice for the summer holidays, if she was relying on that for childcare she’s pretty screwed. And because you forgot and booked a holiday, such a poor excuse. Can you really not change the holiday for different dates?

Change a holiday so someone else doesn’t have to pay for childcare?

MN is batshit sometimes.

People need to use formal childcare, if they want reliability.

Really 🤔
I don't know anyone who books something without double checking their calendar first.

goodness sake
you made a mistake
can't you sort it without asking advice?
quite bizarre

it shouldnt affect your friendship
you made a mistake
you are not a professional childcarer i presume and even if you were, people make mistakes

How well do you function in general OP?

Oh dear. Bit of a mess.
What is your friend supposed to be doing over those 2 days, is it an overnighter?
At least you’ve told her and she’s got a couple of weeks to replan.
We booked a last minute break and I hadn’t checked my calendar either, turns out I’d double booked but not a disaster, it was dinner with friends which I have now excused myself from with apologies. Not such a big deal but I also booked something without checking my calendar. I know we’ve got stuff on over various weekends in August and we’d avoided those dates so just thought all was okay.