Aibu to be upset that my extended family have gone away for a long weekend and my family wasn’t invited?

[fortygin]

Hi, looking for some advice. My parents and sister moved to North America when I was 19 and I had to stay behind as I would have been unable to work or study due to my dad’s work visa.
Mum and Dad moved home to retire just before Covid and sister still lives in North America with her husband and kids.
I have four children (mostly young adults now) and separated from my husband 8 years ago but have a partner.
Sister and kids have had a paid trip
back here every year so they can see mum and dad and usually her husband comes too. This part, I understand as Mum and Dad had a close relationship with them before they moved home.
What I do find very hard to stomach, is the ‘little breaks’ they take when they are here and NEVER include me or my children. The last few years they went mid week and said I wasn’t invited as I would be working.
This year, however, they went to a very expensive touristy spot for a long weekend and when I asked why they hadn’t invited us to come, mum said my children would t have wanted to (they most definately would have!).
Im doing my utmost to smile and keep the peace and not ruin anyone’s holiday as I don’t want to cause a rift but it’s eating me up.
I’m already quite tender after a fall out with my exh and am wondering if this is clouding how I’m feeling towards my family.
i would never leave my sister out. This isn’t the first time I’ve noticed some favouritism towards my sister and her children but have put it down to them being closer as I was 3000 miles away or that mum is missing them now so seeing them through rose tinted glasses. I’m also very very worried that the anger my mum feels towards my exh is clouding how she feels about my dc.
I suppose I’m wondering how to deal with my feelings or wether they are even valid.
note: I would normally be feilding multiple texts from my mum daily saying how bored she is etc etc but since my sister’s family have been here I haven’t heard a thing. I called to see them last weekend every day but on one day was told not to as they were about to eat and on one day it was hinted that it was time for them to have dinner and asking what I was making(hint to leave)

Oh OP. No words of advice, but just wanted to send you a huge, unmumsnetty hug. You have been - and are being - so badly treated by your family and your ex h's family. They are all so toxic! Thank goodness for your lovely children and your partner and for the fact that you have apparently managed to remain a sane, kind, thoughtful person despite their many unkindnesses.

(Big hug)

@Notquitegrownup2 thank you for that. Needed it today.

I am in shock reading your post.

I can’t believe they moved to North America and left you when you were 19.

I also can’t believe how they have treated you since then. This is abuse. It’s neglect amongst other things.

You mentioned you’ve had therapy… do you still? Because I truly think you need as much as you can get.

You’ve been through so much and have been abandoned so many times.

Personally I would cut contact with them.
You can’t chase them, you can’t force them to behave like normal loving parents. Let alone the impact on your children… they can’t grow up thinking this is normal behaviour.

Do you believe you deserve better than this? Do you believe you are worthy of love and stability and security?

I don’t think you gain anything out of being in contact with them. Unless they know how they treat you and want to go to therapy together with you I can’t see any other way you are going to be happy then cutting contact.

OP, do you still have the counselling? You’ve been abandoned by your parents,your sister and your inlaws.

Sorry that things turned out this way.

Glad that you have your lovely DP and DC around.

I wouldn’t cut off your parents off but I’d definitely reduce the contact and be less available for errands and entertainment.

Hugs ((()))

@Juniperwildeim awaiting further CBT which I think will help

In the meantime, get onto AI - Grok on X or CPT as a PP recommended. Grok is brilliant and doesn’t remember conversations so as long as you don’t use actual names, you can be quite honest. The AI bot will come back with empathy, an analysis and recommendations for going forward. And it’s instant. And free.

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you've been treated so shabbily OP. Your family upped and left you when you were only just an adult and then the people who took you in as their family have now left you because you didn't want to be treated like shit by exH. As hard as it, distance yourself from your family, for your well-being and only surround yourself with people who treat you well (your partner and DC). All the very best x

@BobbiBrownJones can I just thank you for this suggestion. I have found it very useful this morning and is helping me explain thing I felt but couldn’t put into words