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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my cleaner shouldn’t bring her own child to work?

717 replies

Informercera · 03/08/2025 10:43

I’m really torn on this and would love some outside perspective.

We’ve had the same cleaner for just over a year and she’s been fantastic, reliable, thorough, really kind and trustworthy. We’ve always got on well and I genuinely like her. But over the past few weeks, since the summer holidays started, she’s been bringing her 10 year old daughter with her when she comes to clean.

Her daughter isn’t badly behaved at all. She just sits quietly on the sofa in our living room watching things on an iPad. Sometimes I hear little giggles or the sound of whatever she’s watching, but she’s not running around or causing chaos or anything like that.

Still, I’m finding it awkward. I work from home and I’m usually upstairs on Zoom calls or writing reports, and it just feels a bit strange knowing there’s a child downstairs while her mum is hoovering or mopping the floors. I don’t have children myself and I suppose I’m not used to having someone else’s in my personal space. It changes the dynamic a bit and makes it feel less like a professional service. I also can’t help worrying about the what ifs - what if something broke or she hurt herself? Would I be responsible?

I completely understand that school holidays are a nightmare for working parents and childcare is expensive. I don’t want to be unsympathetic. I haven’t said anything to her yet because I don’t want to come across as precious or unkind. But equally I’m paying for a service and this isn’t what I signed up for.

AIBU to feel uncomfortable about this and consider raising it gently with her? Or should I just let it go for a few more weeks until the holidays are over? I want to be fair but I also feel a bit blindsided. Would love to know what others think.

OP posts:
Ginseng1 · 03/08/2025 12:22

Yabu & not kind at all. Cleaner sounds great (& reliable & trustworthy ones very hard to find!) & her child very well behaved - I'd say she'll quickly find a new client who'll be more understanding.

Westfacing · 03/08/2025 12:24

honeyandbutterontoast · 03/08/2025 11:49

I’m a cleaner.

Quite a few years ago my DD was extremely ill with an eating disorder, at the time she was 13/14, so old enough to be left at home while I worked but she was suicidal at times, very depressed, and would have exercised manically or cut herself etc. She also could have gone into cardiac arrest. I HAD to work, I couldn’t find anyone to look after her so I asked my two main clients (3/4 hrs twice a week each) if I could bring her. I knew she would be fine sitting reading when I was near her. I also knew it was a big ask.

I have never forgotten their kindness. Both households were happy to do so, they took time to make her life a bit nicer (let her tidy out a cupboard, collect eggs, potter round the garden with their dog etc.) This wasn’t a short summer holiday thing, it went on for months, they taught her flower arranging, found interesting books for her, put one tiny tasty little biscuit on a pretty plate for her! I was able to clean and iron and make their houses beautiful for them and in return frankly I got a bit of headspace and the money to pay my bills and they kept my DD alive.

This cleaner isn’t bringing her child because she wants to! He’s behaving, she’s doing a great job, and needs that money. Be the person who helps her.

What an inspiring story and what very kind clients you had.

I hope your daughter is now healthy and well.

JMSA · 03/08/2025 12:24

She should have asked you first. But I would 100% support her in what she’s doing.

likeafishneedsabike · 03/08/2025 12:24

NetZeroZealot · 03/08/2025 12:13

I find this bizarre! I’ve always WFH while my cleaner is there. I have a separate office in the house and it doesn’t disturb either of us in the slightest.

Show quote history

I stand corrected!
I don’t WFH or have a cleaner. So not an authority on either situation.

CommissarySushi · 03/08/2025 12:24

I think you're being really weird honestly. I'm struggling to see how a child sat quietly downstairs, whilst you work upstairs, is making anything awkward.

KassandraOfSparta · 03/08/2025 12:25

And re "she earns very little" the national minimum wage is mandatory now. She'll be earning that at least same as millions of others.

Not if she is self-employed as most cleaners are, the OP is not her employer and she sets her own rates. If she wants to work at a rate below minimum wage that's her business.

ClunkyPigeon · 03/08/2025 12:25

I know exactly what you mean. I had a professional bring their child (who was well behaved and very sweet) and I found it much more difficult to get into the groove of my work. However, permission was asked in my case. It’s so rude of your cleaner not to do so.

Why does everyone assume cleaners earn very little?! Ones round here charge upwards of £20ph and I can’t imagine every single one of them is declaring it. Even if they are, it’s more than a lot of people are on, and those people have to source childcare too.

StrongTea · 03/08/2025 12:26

I think if you say anything you’ll lose your cleaner and if she does stay there will be an atmosphere. If the wee girl is quiet and well behaved there’s not really an issue. If you hear her ipad the odd time maybe give her some headphones. Folk are finding things tough at the moment so have some thoughts on her situation.

stclementine · 03/08/2025 12:27

BakingMuffins · 03/08/2025 10:47

Why should she go work elsewhere!?

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exactly and why should she also have to provide snacks for a child she doesn’t even know or want in her house.
l’d feel the same OP to be honest, and would put a stop to it. No way would I put up with a strangers child in my house.

Overtheatlantic · 03/08/2025 12:27

Please don’t say anything to her. It’s two hours a week? Try having some compassion for her situation.

BlankBlankBlank14 · 03/08/2025 12:29

Informercera · 03/08/2025 12:03

Thank you so much to everyone who’s replied - I didn’t expect this many responses and I’ve read every single one. It’s been really helpful to see things from different angles, even if I still feel a bit conflicted.

Just to clarify a few things that came up - no, she didn’t ask in advance if she could bring her daughter. The first time it happened I thought maybe it was a one-off emergency, so I didn’t say anything. But this has now happened three times in a row and I’m realising it may be the plan for the whole summer. Her daughter isn’t disruptive, but she is there for the full two hours and I do hear the iPad sometimes. It’s not loud, but it’s not silent either. More than anything it just changes the feel of things - it’s different having a child in the house, even if she’s well behaved.

I should also say that I really like my cleaner and trust her completely. She’s been brilliant over the past year and has even picked up on little things around the house that I’ve missed. I don’t want to upset her or make her feel like she’s done something terribly wrong, especially when I know childcare over the summer is expensive and hard to arrange.

At the same time, I think it’s reasonable to feel unsure about the boundaries here. I’m paying for a professional service, and it just feels a bit off having someone’s child sitting in my living room while I’m upstairs on work calls. I don’t have children myself, so maybe that’s part of why it’s feeling intrusive. I also worry about the what ifs - like if she had an accident or touched something fragile.

I’m going to speak to her, gently. I’ll try to keep it kind and non-confrontational - just say I’ve noticed her daughter’s been coming and that I do understand the challenges with childcare, but I wasn’t expecting to have someone else in the house and it’s made things feel a bit awkward. I’m hoping she’ll understand and maybe has an alternative arrangement lined up soon anyway.

So despite the vast majority saying YABU, you’re still going to speak to her about it with a view to her getting childcare?

Why ask?

JMSA · 03/08/2025 12:29

It makes me happy that the vast majority here are backing the cleaner 🙌

KassandraOfSparta · 03/08/2025 12:31

Even the people who are "backing the cleaner" probably agree that she should have run it past the OP first. Turning up with extra people to someone else's house isn't on.

katepilar · 03/08/2025 12:31

Not sure OP why people are so harsh on you. I wouldnt like it either. I wouldnt feel comfortable with an extra person in my house while working plus I wouldnt like that she -presumably- didnt ask.
I dont think I would ask her not to bring the child but would say something about not being asked upfront.

Thanksman · 03/08/2025 12:32

BlankBlankBlank14 · 03/08/2025 12:29

So despite the vast majority saying YABU, you’re still going to speak to her about it with a view to her getting childcare?

Why ask?

Show quote history

I agree. OP will make the cleaner feel awkward (the cleaner most probably won’t make this obvious at first) and will lose her in time.

Good luck to the OP finding such a good replacement.

rainingsnoring · 03/08/2025 12:33

She should have checked with you first but it wouldn't bother me at all in the circumstances you have described. Surely if you are working upstairs and the child is quiet, you barely notice her being there at all. I really wouldn't say anything @Informercera. It seems really petty, especially as you say that she is such a good cleaner and trustworthy person.

JMSA · 03/08/2025 12:33

I’ve just seen your update that you are going to speak to her. You are being so unbelievably precious and I really hope she replaces you with a kinder, more understanding client.
As for the noise from the iPad 🙄, you could have suggested headphones.

ButterCrackers · 03/08/2025 12:33

StrongTea · 03/08/2025 12:26

I think if you say anything you’ll lose your cleaner and if she does stay there will be an atmosphere. If the wee girl is quiet and well behaved there’s not really an issue. If you hear her ipad the odd time maybe give her some headphones. Folk are finding things tough at the moment so have some thoughts on her situation.

The cleaner didn’t bother to ask the op. That’s entitled. It’s the OP’s home and the op is the employer so the op is in charge not the cleaner. Tell her by message that her child cannot stay - if there’s any hassle then the op can find another cleaner.

JMSA · 03/08/2025 12:35

KassandraOfSparta · 03/08/2025 12:31

Even the people who are "backing the cleaner" probably agree that she should have run it past the OP first. Turning up with extra people to someone else's house isn't on.

I said myself that the cleaner ought to have done this. But the OP could have actually used her words and told her this.
Whichever way you look at it, the OP is still being unreasonable but that’s up to her, I guess.

rainingsnoring · 03/08/2025 12:35

KassandraOfSparta · 03/08/2025 12:31

Even the people who are "backing the cleaner" probably agree that she should have run it past the OP first. Turning up with extra people to someone else's house isn't on.

I agree with that. I would have said something the first time she turned up with her daughter and I expect she would have apologised. But having the child there wouldn't bother me at all. I've had the same situation with a couple of previous cleaners.

BlankBlankBlank14 · 03/08/2025 12:35

ButterCrackers · 03/08/2025 12:33

The cleaner didn’t bother to ask the op. That’s entitled. It’s the OP’s home and the op is the employer so the op is in charge not the cleaner. Tell her by message that her child cannot stay - if there’s any hassle then the op can find another cleaner.

Show quote history

Of course she can, good reliable, honest cleaners are easy to come by….

Barrenfieldoffucks · 03/08/2025 12:36

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest. You admit yourself that the child is both quiet and well behaved, and it has only been happening in the holidays...of which there are only a few more weeks. If you do raise it 'gently' (hate that phrase/concept...it doesn't really exist. As in, what is it you are hoping to achieve?)

Chances are that she won't come again in the holidays, who h may not may not be fine by you.

Tomatocutwithazigzagedge · 03/08/2025 12:36

x2boys · 03/08/2025 10:53

So would posters be just as happy if a plumber,electrician, builder also brought their child to work🤔

Yep, as long as they were well behaved and didn't disturb the work. Sometimes people have childcare or financial issues. It happens.

HellsBells67 · 03/08/2025 12:37

I think you are being very unreasonable indeed and I wouldn't be surprised if your cleaner left frankly.

Lurkingandlearning · 03/08/2025 12:37

BakingMuffins · 03/08/2025 10:46

It’s a bit unfair on the child to be spending the summer sitting in clients houses.

Yes, I wonder why the family aren’t summering at their manor in Tuscany.