To think my cleaner shouldn’t bring her own child to work?

[Informercera]

I’m really torn on this and would love some outside perspective.

We’ve had the same cleaner for just over a year and she’s been fantastic, reliable, thorough, really kind and trustworthy. We’ve always got on well and I genuinely like her. But over the past few weeks, since the summer holidays started, she’s been bringing her 10 year old daughter with her when she comes to clean.

Her daughter isn’t badly behaved at all. She just sits quietly on the sofa in our living room watching things on an iPad. Sometimes I hear little giggles or the sound of whatever she’s watching, but she’s not running around or causing chaos or anything like that.

Still, I’m finding it awkward. I work from home and I’m usually upstairs on Zoom calls or writing reports, and it just feels a bit strange knowing there’s a child downstairs while her mum is hoovering or mopping the floors. I don’t have children myself and I suppose I’m not used to having someone else’s in my personal space. It changes the dynamic a bit and makes it feel less like a professional service. I also can’t help worrying about the what ifs - what if something broke or she hurt herself? Would I be responsible?

I completely understand that school holidays are a nightmare for working parents and childcare is expensive. I don’t want to be unsympathetic. I haven’t said anything to her yet because I don’t want to come across as precious or unkind. But equally I’m paying for a service and this isn’t what I signed up for.

AIBU to feel uncomfortable about this and consider raising it gently with her? Or should I just let it go for a few more weeks until the holidays are over? I want to be fair but I also feel a bit blindsided. Would love to know what others think.

At 10, I was left at home while DM was at work FT and DGM out for 4 hours at her cleaning job. I watched tv, read and built chair/ table dens in the front room. Unless there is SEN a 10yr old should be capable of coping while mums out for a bit. All that happened was raiding the biscuits! She doesn't have to take her child with her, if mum worked in the local Co-op she couldn't take her child. Probably similar wages!

I’m a cleaner.

Quite a few years ago my DD was extremely ill with an eating disorder, at the time she was 13/14, so old enough to be left at home while I worked but she was suicidal at times, very depressed, and would have exercised manically or cut herself etc. She also could have gone into cardiac arrest. I HAD to work, I couldn’t find anyone to look after her so I asked my two main clients (3/4 hrs twice a week each) if I could bring her. I knew she would be fine sitting reading when I was near her. I also knew it was a big ask.

I have never forgotten their kindness. Both households were happy to do so, they took time to make her life a bit nicer (let her tidy out a cupboard, collect eggs, potter round the garden with their dog etc.) This wasn’t a short summer holiday thing, it went on for months, they taught her flower arranging, found interesting books for her, put one tiny tasty little biscuit on a pretty plate for her! I was able to clean and iron and make their houses beautiful for them and in return frankly I got a bit of headspace and the money to pay my bills and they kept my DD alive.

This cleaner isn’t bringing her child because she wants to! He’s behaving, she’s doing a great job, and needs that money. Be the person who helps her.

The mother would only do that as a last resort and is probably mortified at having to do that. Have a heart and give them a break. Offer the child a snack or fruit juice.

You don’t get to decide what I’m happy with and that I’m not. I would be perfectly fine with anyone bringing a well behaved child to my house while they work.

Absolutely. In our previous house we had a cleaner for years, and in the summer holidays she brought her three boys with her. The kids played in the garden, and it made her life much easier as she didn't have holiday childcare and couldn't afford it.

In our current house we've found gold dust in the form of a great handyman. Last year he was doing work for us and brought his 10 year old son with him. Who also played in the garden.

You find the cleaner bringing her child to her work place a non issue but op working from home while the cleaner is there, that you find odd? 🤔🤦‍♀️

I had to part company with a cleaner a few years ago as she brought an adult friend and both their children with them to clean in school holidays - and spilled sticky drinks on a sofa and broke an ornament. She hadn’t asked in advance either. My trust had gone so I did not wish to continue. I think in this scenario, the cleaner should have checked with you out of courtesy- but agree with others that child care is expensive and she may not have other options. Do you pay holiday pay?

No issue as long as the kid is well behaved and safe. Lots of kids get taken to work with mum or dad in the school holidays. Really depends on the work and obviously how well behaved the kids are. Never used to be holiday clubs etc. It’s how generations of people have coped.

Seems utterly ironic that as a society we accept people bringing dogs to the office yet freak out about the odd well behaved child.

the cleaner probably is not earning enough to pay for summer holiday child care. It it’s a one off during the 6 weeks summer holiday I would let it go. I think she could have asked first. But if the daughter is not causing any issue and just sitting quietly then it’s not causing a problem for you.

I actually read something recently where a woman was reminiscing about her childhood in the 80s.

She used to go to a childminder after school (and into the early evenings) with quite a few other random kids.

The childminder also had a job cleaning offices... at the same time as childminding.

So all the kids went with her to these empty offices every evening and they all helped vacuum and dust the offices together. Apparently none of them questioned this and they actually found it quite fun. It was only as an adult that this woman realised that the childminder had been paid for childminding several kids, AND paid for cleaning for the same hours, AND had a lot of help with the cleaning!

I am in awe of this person tbh

the cleaner probably is not earning enough to pay for summer holiday child care. It it’s a one off during the 6 weeks summer holiday I would let it go. I think she could have asked first. But if the daughter is not causing any issue and just sitting quietly then it’s not causing a problem for you.

My mum used to take me. I quietly read a book while she worked.

Working mum's have it so hard and do the best they can.

It wouldn’t bother me. It’s a short term issue.

Your house your choice. However I think yabu and also rather spiteful. This mother could have easily left her child at home alone while she cleaned your house, potentially putting her child at risk. The child sits quietly while her mother earns some money. Shame on you for your ungenerous thoughts

People WFH full-time with young kids is completely different to someone doing a few hours of cleaning while a ten year old watches an Ipad.

The British as a society generally don’t like children, they are considered a nuisance and very little state provision for them compared with the rest of Europe. Most European countries put on free or minimum cost weeks long residential summer camps. Well organised it serves two purposes: independence and life skills for children, childcare relief for parents over long summer holidays. Everybody wins.

in the uk, we close down children’s services or privatise them so that only high earners can afford residential summer camps.

This is why we use a cleaning agency. If you have one to one cleaning you get sucked into scenarios like this. We had issue after issue with cleaners being alcoholics / bringing enormous boyfriends with them / falling on hard times we then had to help. Plus you can not fire them without massive awful guilt. We were advised by a friend of dhs to use an agency. A team of randoms turn up weekly and issue I deal with the business.

I swear this same thread pops up every year.

I think that as long as the cleaner had discussed it with me and the child wasn't causing an issue or stopping her Mum from working as normal then I wouldn't have a problem with it
I did sack a cleaner once for bringing a toddler, mostly because they tried to block my Ring doorbell camera to do it so knew they shouldn't have done it and then lied that it had happened at all (see Ring doorbell). When someone has access to your house you have to trust them
10 year old sitting on the sofa or even helping her mum out a bit (safely) wouldn't be an issue for me as long as I had been asked

Can't see any issue with this. YABU

I agree she should have asked first. To just assume it was fine is wrong.

The OP has raised points, such as would she be held accountable if the child had an accident in the house, that are valid questions.

And re "she earns very little" @Saltysea2001 the national minimum wage is mandatory now. She'll be earning that at least same as millions of others.

And to the many saying "of course it's fine, how mean of you to say otherwise!" is that the norm now for workplaces, offices for instance - if the child is sat quietly and the person continues to work it's fine? How would you say Yes to one and No to another?

She should have mentioned it first, but maybe she was worried you'd not allow it and then she would be stuck, so thought she would chance it? Or is it just the way she has always done things.
If you're not happy with it then maybe look for another cleaner, making it clear they can't bring kids along. I would be ok with it personally as the house still gets cleaned and the child is well behaved. I have had a builder with a child in their van before, who I've invited in, mainly as I was worried he'd get hurt. Also not fussed about tradespeople using my loo, but I know some people are.
If you're not used to children then I can see it would be especially strange to have a child in your home.

The child is causing no trouble. I think you’re being rather precious

I think that’s a little different. A cleaner has a much more personal role in your home and will be dealing with the sofa that her dc is sat on. No doubt clean down the side and plump up the cushions etc. I’d not expect a plumber in to fix a bathroom tap to have any reason to go in to the living room so it would be odd if their dc went in and sat on the sofa. I’d be ok if they sat on the loo with the seat down or something, or on a kitchen chair if they’re mending the washing machine. I expect a 10 year old in this case would be more likely to wait in the van though!

I would let it go but I do think she should have had the courtesy to ask you if it was ok