To think my cleaner shouldn’t bring her own child to work?

[Informercera]

I’m really torn on this and would love some outside perspective.

We’ve had the same cleaner for just over a year and she’s been fantastic, reliable, thorough, really kind and trustworthy. We’ve always got on well and I genuinely like her. But over the past few weeks, since the summer holidays started, she’s been bringing her 10 year old daughter with her when she comes to clean.

Her daughter isn’t badly behaved at all. She just sits quietly on the sofa in our living room watching things on an iPad. Sometimes I hear little giggles or the sound of whatever she’s watching, but she’s not running around or causing chaos or anything like that.

Still, I’m finding it awkward. I work from home and I’m usually upstairs on Zoom calls or writing reports, and it just feels a bit strange knowing there’s a child downstairs while her mum is hoovering or mopping the floors. I don’t have children myself and I suppose I’m not used to having someone else’s in my personal space. It changes the dynamic a bit and makes it feel less like a professional service. I also can’t help worrying about the what ifs - what if something broke or she hurt herself? Would I be responsible?

I completely understand that school holidays are a nightmare for working parents and childcare is expensive. I don’t want to be unsympathetic. I haven’t said anything to her yet because I don’t want to come across as precious or unkind. But equally I’m paying for a service and this isn’t what I signed up for.

AIBU to feel uncomfortable about this and consider raising it gently with her? Or should I just let it go for a few more weeks until the holidays are over? I want to be fair but I also feel a bit blindsided. Would love to know what others think.

It's clearly subjective.

If you say so.

@SouthLondonMum22 you didn’t find the comments ‘particularly’ aggressive.Well many other posters did, it’s throughout the thread.
Strong opinions? Is different to ranting and being verbally aggressive towards women about a child!
Anyway, nothing further to say you.You’ve summed up, what sort of person you are, with all your comments.

I think you're being unreasonable! She's not causing any problems from what you've said. This sounds like you want to be annoyed at it but aren't sure why.

Other posters did and other posters didn't. As I said, it's subjective. Especially online.

I think that sums it up.

YANBU. 100% she should have asked you first if it was ok to bring her, and it is your house, so you can tell her that you don't want her there.

Or if you decide it is ok, then ask her to turn the volume off on the ipad, or make the child use earphones. She should not be inflicting any noise on you.

I am in a professional role, but 10 years ago, I did ocasionally have to take my DD to work with my at various clients. I knew them all well, but still asked permission on the odd occasion when I had no childcare if my mum was sick or on holiday.

They all knew that I was a single parent, with sole care of DD, and limited support and were all happy for her to come and sit quietly in the corner for a couple of hours. She never made a sound, and most clients gave her some sweets or £1 to get some.

Anyone that said no, I said that I completely understood and then rearranged their work to a time when I had childcare. They had to accept that I couldn't go there at the usual time. (I was self employed).

Are you new to Mumsnet? because I think you’ll find that the double standards you’re insinuating exist here actually don’t! If anything people are harder on women. Also.. why ask a question and then tell the person who answered that they wouldn’t feel like that? How do you know!

Cleaners are not high earners in general and frequently work without having legal contracts because employers wont give them. It often seems a lot to pay, but it is not a lot to eran. I cant speak about this specific case, but generally school holidays are a nightmare for working mums. Childcare often eats up everything you earn. I am quite willing to have cleaner's/ gardener's kids in the holidays as long as they behave. Their parents dont usually have any other option or they wouldn't bring them and sadly they are often bored stiff. I've provided "elevenses" more than a few times for kids that couldn't be left alone in the holidays when their parents were working in our home. No biggy and sometimes a pleasure.

The fact that it wasnt part of the original deal has nothing to do with it and I certainly wouldnt like to lose someone who I trust and works well who comes to work in my home because "it wasnt part of the deal" .

Try and put yourself in her shoes and be more understanding.

Why would a 10yo child break things? She hasn't broken anything yet has she?

Np I have been on mumsnet for 15 years and there absolutely are double standards ,regarding men and women which you are choosing not to see

Were you also trying to work at the same time as providing 'elevenses' for children?

I have been so surprised at people’s total naivety about the risks of an employed person bringing a child to the house they are working in. They are all living in la la land and if it all goes tits up ( as things sometimes do) I’m sure there will be much hand wringing and bewilderment .
we are not living in some type of ‘it takes a village’ fairytale. People can be mean and litigious. You accept the child of a person you employ onto your property at your own risk. You are liable!

Yes. But I also stop for a Coffee midmorning AND have had to take my little son to work occasionally when I worked outside the home when there was noone to look after him. Luckily for me, people were understanding

Sadly not true - It is your business. It’s happening on your property and you are allowing it. You could be sued for negligence if the child gets hurt . . .

Did you ask first or just show up with him?

I don't think OP would've had as much of an issue if the cleaner had asked her first. She might've still felt a bit uncomfortable with it but gone along with it if she knew the circumstances such as family childcare had let her down at the last minute and it was just for the summer holidays.

Just rocking up with your child and expecting others to be understanding is going to get some people's backs up.

I was a secondary school teacher and very occasionally would take my children to work with me. I'm sure that if you worked in an office situation you would have seen employees taking their children in, during exceptional circumstances. Management can do what they want regarding sitting their child in their office during an inset day or slight illness. Why should your cleaner with, as you acknowledge, a quiet well-behaved daughter sitting on her iPad ruffle you? You have made a mountain out of a molehill, and really do not deserve this woman working for you. You have come across as extremely petty, I hope she reads this and finds a more humane employer.

As I often had no warning, no I didnt have the chance to warn anyone. Summer holidays were problematic. I guess I was just lucky and worked with kind people. OP says she feels uncomfortable about it, so maybe would not have agreed to it.

I dont understand the fuss. It's not unusual where I live fir a parent to bring a kid during the school holidays. We all understand

If you didn't have the chance, fair enough. I think it's unlikely that the cleaner hasn't had a chance to ask though and I do think it is rude to just turn up with a child if asking in advance is possible.

OP might have still said no but if she didn't get the chance to say yes or no in the first place.

I would feel a lot of compassion for both. If it happened in our house I would put together a box with a few craft items/age appropriate coloring/games/snacks. It sounds like they are both in a difficult situation and it would be horrible for the girl to feel like a burden.

It must be awful to imagine/expect danger everywhere. It's not naivety, it's real life.

I sincerely hope the child doesn't look up to the OP, someone who objects to her very presence. Instead I would hope she looks up to her mother who is working hard in a thankless job to provide for her family.

Well she could go on UC and other benefits and op could moan about her not working.

I'd expect her mother to do that, not OP.

Sounds like OP hasnt asked her why she is bringing her either. There's nothing wrong with asking. But wondering about it and saying nothing isnt helpful. She'll get a straight answer without asking on social media. Whether or not she will put up with it depends on how much she values her cleaner