To think my cleaner shouldn’t bring her own child to work?

[Informercera]

I’m really torn on this and would love some outside perspective.

We’ve had the same cleaner for just over a year and she’s been fantastic, reliable, thorough, really kind and trustworthy. We’ve always got on well and I genuinely like her. But over the past few weeks, since the summer holidays started, she’s been bringing her 10 year old daughter with her when she comes to clean.

Her daughter isn’t badly behaved at all. She just sits quietly on the sofa in our living room watching things on an iPad. Sometimes I hear little giggles or the sound of whatever she’s watching, but she’s not running around or causing chaos or anything like that.

Still, I’m finding it awkward. I work from home and I’m usually upstairs on Zoom calls or writing reports, and it just feels a bit strange knowing there’s a child downstairs while her mum is hoovering or mopping the floors. I don’t have children myself and I suppose I’m not used to having someone else’s in my personal space. It changes the dynamic a bit and makes it feel less like a professional service. I also can’t help worrying about the what ifs - what if something broke or she hurt herself? Would I be responsible?

I completely understand that school holidays are a nightmare for working parents and childcare is expensive. I don’t want to be unsympathetic. I haven’t said anything to her yet because I don’t want to come across as precious or unkind. But equally I’m paying for a service and this isn’t what I signed up for.

AIBU to feel uncomfortable about this and consider raising it gently with her? Or should I just let it go for a few more weeks until the holidays are over? I want to be fair but I also feel a bit blindsided. Would love to know what others think.

Mine did same - though first time I saw she brought adult daughter and grandchild, I was bringing a friend to my house.

Super awkward as I enter & there’s an unknown woman & child in the house. Clearly she wasn’t expecting me.

She should have asked if it was ok, people should always advise of guests.

I always work elsewhere when my cleaner is here. Or find a reason to go out and do other stuff. Makes it easier for both of us.

Yeah. Much better to be left home alone or wandering the streets

There are situations where I'd potentially be happy for a cleaner or tradesperson to bring their child or teenager along on a one off or occasional basis as long as I'd been asked beforehand.

BUT only if them bringing their child to my home (which is their place of work) didn't invalidate their professional liability/indemnity insurance. And I'd want that checked in advance.

Except that the person cleaning your floors for a living might not be in the same financial position as you to afford child care.

If they can't afford childcare, they need to make it clear it will involve their child coming along too.

The OP's cleaner has cleaned her house for a year without her child also attending. So something has clearly changed and the cleaner should've communicated with OP about it.

It was just a suggestion, nobody was telling op to do this, so not quite sure why this would cause the anger and continuous venting.
The comments this poster has made are so over the top, why would another woman be so verbally aggressive towards another woman, calling women 'ladyee’s’ and mocking ‘sisterhood’ etc.
And yes it’s an anonymous forum, men comment on here as well, whether you agree or not, is irrelevant.

I really can’t understand people like you. You have a cleaner you are really happy with. People often clean because they are single parents or are struggling financially-so why on earth does a well behaved 10 year old brother you? You sound awful. I own a small business and everyone was allowed to bring well behaved children and dogs to work (after asking permission). I even used to done ten little jobs to do and pay them ‘wages’ to get them to understand what work was about. I hope your cleaner dumps you and you can’t find another.

Because not everyone, including some women, believe that women should automatically support other women because of 'the sisterhood'. I fully agree with that.

Of course men comment on here. It still doesn't automatically mean that pp is a man though. Maybe I'm a man too since I largely agree with her.

As you said though, they asked permission. OP's cleaner didn't.

Honestly if it's a deal breaker for this lady as she is a good cleaner She will have a huge queue of people waiting for her and will just tell this lady to find another cleaner. Based on the responses on this thread the vast majority of people wouldn't have a problem with it so very much doubt the cleaner will try and arrange childcare to suit a tiny minority so assume they'll just part ways.

I wouldn’t be happy but I have a legal background.
As I’ve posted elsewhere on a different thread, this is an insurance issue. If anything happens to the child on the property: broken limb, allergic reaction, etc the OP leaves themselves wide open to being sued.

You're allowed not to want someone in your home when you've not been asked. I understand not liking that.

That said, with an otherwise reliable cleaner and probably 3-4 weeks more of this at most, I'd be doing my level best to get over myself, instead of potentially creating awkwardness or the cleaner going elsewhere. It doesn't seem nearly worth any fallout. But its a value judgement I suppose.

It wouldn't bother me but I think the cleaner should have asked/ told you first. Just having the situation sprung upon me with no warning would make me slightly irritated.

i agree it would have been better to ask permission. In this case it appears it was in her advantage not to - maybe she could sense that? I wonder what kind of interactions OP has with the cleaner?

If I thought I was going to get a no, and I was desperate, there would surely be some kind of subterfuge or lie coming!

I had a cleaner once who asked me if she could bring her sister’s newborn baby to work with her. She was a great cleaner and had worked for us for a while so I agreed to see how it went. she would arrive with the baby in a baby born carrier, he would lie on our sofa, mostly sleeping as she would give him a bottle but if he was awake he would just lie there quietly. I was gobsmaked it did not affect her cleaning but it really didn’t. It was over 20 years ago these days I would prob think of some health and safety concerns but in those days it was not considered.

My cleaner does this - child a bit older and gives her mum a hand. She didn’t ask in advance
so not ideal. I don’t love it tbh but I am not saying anything. It’s kind of up to them.

That's a bit harsh. 😂
I think the key is asking permission, though.
I also think a good idea at interview/hiring is to state only the cleaner is allowed in your home/on your property for insurance reasons, which is valid.

Exactly. Broken items as well. It’s all nice and fluffy and bless her until things go wrong but most posters can’t see further than making snacks for the kid and that it’s like The Maid or cultural … really?

You’re completely missing the point, this is about aggressive comments and many other posters have said they are over the top, completely unnecessary, quite frankly full of hatred, like why, over a thread about a child!
Yes maybe you are a man too, defending someone who’s aggressive towards women.

All of this.
YABU @Informercera

This makes me think of another situation. My manager had to take an emergency day off work once, and was very upset about it, because her childminder / nanny (? I can't remember) appeared to suddenly take the day off work to accompany her own daughter in childbirth. The nanny had not specifically said she was doing that, but she had talked to my manager a lot about her daughter having a baby. The nanny had just assumed my manager would understand that of course, the nanny would need to take a day off soon to be with her daughter on that day. My manager didn't understand that at all. In fact, my manager said her mum couldn't have cared less that she was in labour all three times my manager did it, and to that day hardly helped my manager at all.

These are cultural things. Not necessarily ethnic or racial, but cultural nonetheless. Think Eastenders - has their ever been an expectant grandmother in that shoud who has not dropped everything to scream 'puuuush!' when her daughter is in labour?! Haaaa.

So, in this case, I think in the cleaner's world this is just ok, in OP's world, it's a no no. I wonder how much collaboration, cooperation etc OP experiences and therefore also receives? I'm not being mean at all by that, just as I think my manager was actually a lovely person in many ways, she just hadn't considered at all that the nanny would want to be at the birth of her grandchild.

You are being over dramatic and not very understanding, childcare would cost her more than she would earn at yours probably, she’s sitting there quietly and not causing a nuisance. Have some empathy for the poor woman and be kind.

I didn't find pp's comments particularly aggressive. Though women with strong opinions are often called aggressive which was part of pp's point that you seem to be missing.

She was way over the top and it was completely unnecessary.