To think my cleaner shouldn’t bring her own child to work?

[Informercera]

I’m really torn on this and would love some outside perspective.

We’ve had the same cleaner for just over a year and she’s been fantastic, reliable, thorough, really kind and trustworthy. We’ve always got on well and I genuinely like her. But over the past few weeks, since the summer holidays started, she’s been bringing her 10 year old daughter with her when she comes to clean.

Her daughter isn’t badly behaved at all. She just sits quietly on the sofa in our living room watching things on an iPad. Sometimes I hear little giggles or the sound of whatever she’s watching, but she’s not running around or causing chaos or anything like that.

Still, I’m finding it awkward. I work from home and I’m usually upstairs on Zoom calls or writing reports, and it just feels a bit strange knowing there’s a child downstairs while her mum is hoovering or mopping the floors. I don’t have children myself and I suppose I’m not used to having someone else’s in my personal space. It changes the dynamic a bit and makes it feel less like a professional service. I also can’t help worrying about the what ifs - what if something broke or she hurt herself? Would I be responsible?

I completely understand that school holidays are a nightmare for working parents and childcare is expensive. I don’t want to be unsympathetic. I haven’t said anything to her yet because I don’t want to come across as precious or unkind. But equally I’m paying for a service and this isn’t what I signed up for.

AIBU to feel uncomfortable about this and consider raising it gently with her? Or should I just let it go for a few more weeks until the holidays are over? I want to be fair but I also feel a bit blindsided. Would love to know what others think.

Keyboard warrior I’ll be bound.

I’ve had a mixture with cleaning and other trades. My old cleaner used to do it occasionally and the kids would just sit on the sofa and watch a tablet. I had no issue with that at all. I was a bit pissed off when my builder had his 9 year old with him and she was painting. If I wanted a job done by a child I’d get my own one to do it and save myself a ton of money.

I'm not sure that the OP had as strong an opinion about this as you do tbh. She was more understanding about it than you've been.

Ultimately, it comes down to what a favour costs you. For most people the cost here is extremely low and therefore it's not a problem for them. For the OP, and even more so for you, the cost of this would be too high to tolerate and so it's a problem that needs sorting. I think that's fine.

I don't think people who don't find it a problem are lying or being ridiculous or a pushover though.

A child sitting quietly on a sofa, looking at an iPad hits different people different ways. You're clearly absolutely furious about it. Other people genuinely don't care. Would the world be a nicer place if more people had a higher tolerance for this? Of course. But that's not realistic.

BakingMuffins

It’s a bit unfair on the child to be spending the summer sitting in clients houses.

To be fair it’s probably only a few hours at a time, they probably get more time together than the people who have to drop to childcare

Cultural differences? Do explain. Language? Translate on any phone is easy to use. They could even ask someone with a phone to write down their question in English.

If she is a good cleaner and her child is quiet and well behaved, I'd just leave her to it.

Good cleaners are hard to find and you are generating good will just by allowing someone to sit quietly on the sofa for an hour or so.

Exactly.

I WFH and have children but they are in childcare. I wouldn't want someone else's child in my home when I'm trying to work, especially if their parent is also supposed to be working.

You don’t need a child friendly home for a quiet 10 year old, and the same standard of professional service is still being provided. Yes there is a supply of cleaners but as you have discovered, not all of them are good or reliable. Like this one is!

I dont' disagree that if it doesn't work for you, you just say that you are not happy with the situation and move on. Unless you are one of the posters weirdly over-invested and getting into an absolute state about it.

his isn’t a job that requires lots is skill or is niche. There’s always a supply of cleaners out there
So not true. Very good cleaners are hard to find - available very good cleaners are a luxury.

Hey.
I am replying as someone who has been a cleaner in London for 17 years.

When my daughter was younger quite often I would have to ask the families i cleaned for if I could bring my daughter with me during school holidays.
Myself and partner always tried to juggle his days off. But it wasnt always possible.

Everyone that i cleaned , always said yes and I always appreciated their support I still clean for the same families.

It wasn't fun for neither of us. I would feel guilty that she was there , bored.

If you have a good cleaner , trustworthy, reliable. Let this go. It's not easy on her to ask for this.

Summer holidays will still be over and it's only a couple of hours.

and yet so many mnetters (not saying you are one) are perfectly fine with WFH and looking after their children.

Cut the poor woman a bit of slack, and just let her get on with doing her job. Her child is disturbing nobody, and i'm sure she doesn'T do this from choics.

Goodness - I hope you got the painter to stop the kid painting in your house! Lucky that you saw that.

OP, i really recommend you watch the series 'Maid' on Netflix.

So excellent, so so excellent!

Please, please do, before you have the conversation with your cleaner, and i you can, come back here and tell us whether it has helped you explore your feelings about what you are experiencing.

Oh, yes, we mustn't forget BE KIND. Especially if you're a laydee. Women must support women after all, no matter how ridiculous any given woman is being, or how daft and cheeky her demands or behaviour. Funnily enough I don't just wilfully support someone because we both happen to have a vagina

In this case I dont think its a ridiculous, checky or daft demand tbh.
I wouldn't have a problem with a male bringing his well behaved child while he did a job.
I would have a problem with a child that was cheeky and demanding or wouldn't sit quiet though.

All this is nothing to do with my vagina but remembering the sheer panic of holiday where I was struggling for childcare and tring to keep my job.

In most cases it isn’t a legal requirement. It’s a customer request.

This

I had a cleaner who asked if she could bring her child, I said she should check with her insurer first. I didn't hear about it again (I expect she didn't have insurance).

If I accept her bringing her child, then the child is also a guest.

This is a reason why I'm against it as well as the fact she didn't even ask in the first place.

I WFH and mine are in childcare, I'd expect that of anyone if they come to work in my house. If they had some kind of emergency and had no childcare, I'd consider it for an older, well behaved child but only if they asked first.

Uhuh, I said it ISN’T about any kind of sisterhood.

What the cleaner is doing may be unacceptable to you, that’s fine, you don’t ever have to allow it for any reason. If it makes you so uncomfortable that you would rather inconvenience someone who has proven to be reliable, trustworthy and good at their job, that’s your choice. In this situation you should recognise that the cleaner could probably fill her spot 3 times over and might well just say fine, if it doesn’t work for you, I can work for someone else and then you’re back at square one trying to find a good cleaner.

To state that what she’s doing is unacceptable in any circumstance, for any person is not a fact. Plenty of people here, myself included would be quite happy with it. I’ve been on both sides of the equation, having to take my daughter with me to work because there was no alternative, and having tradies bring their kids to my home.

It isn’t about “Be Kind” or not liking strong women (I’m one of those also) it’s about weighing up how you feel against because of a person’s actions and whether your feeling of discomfort or whatever is stronger than what you’re reaction would do to them, and what the consequences are. If OP is badly affected by this, she can of course ask for it not to happen. That may have consequences, it’s up to her if she can live with them.

Christ - I mean immediately I want to say YABU. Maybe she doesn’t have or can’t afford childcare. It’s not like she’a a destructive child - I would personally not care. BUT - you have no kids and you don’t want them in your house - you shouldn’t have to have them in your house. Just find another cleaner I guess because you’ll put her in a strange spot if she had to pay for childcare or can’t afford it. And maybe the next cleaner specify no one else but her to be in the house to clean etc. good luck.

There's so many things over the years of growing up actually. And my appreciation for these people went a long way. I was a young adult, one lady struggled to walk her dogs and take care of her mum with dementia - I was local. She knew me growing up. I went and walked the dogs daily during my lunch break from work because I genuinely like this lady. I grew up seeing that lady here or there when my father was working for her. I didn't hesitate to help, thanks to her kindness a decade back. I only helped for a few weeks until she organised another carer (she was at work so it was only lunchtime I went). Another needed an extra pair of hands at her company for a week or two and I offered, taking time off my regular job to help her out (I got paid too but it was more about doing the favour when she was having issues). As my father's company did work for her company (and private homes) my father was told "oh we are struggling need extra hands" and he'd mention it to me and I offered. She showed me great kindness growing up too!

The best thing I can do now is carry that kindness forward. I hope I can at least inspire any kids be it my kids friends or kids that get brought in by tradespeople etc and for them to know there's kindness out there. Soooo many memories!

100% agree with you, I think they also didn't want to lose my father's service or wait until he had childless availability! Ahh so many warm memories! As long as the children aren't feral, I agree!

If she didn’t ask for permission to bring her daughter in I wouldn’t be happy but I would be pondering whether I can put up with the girl being at home for a few hours a week for 3 more weeks or risk having to find another cleaner.

Professional cleaner here!

I personally take my daughter to one clean and one clean only. The customer offered as she's elderly and likes the company. I wouldn't take my daughter with me to any others and I wouldn't expect my staff to take their children.

Sadly, as most of the trades you list are carried out by men, they’re more likely to expect the mothers of their children to sort out childcare in the holidays. In addition, those tradespeople likely earn a damn sight more per hour than a cleaner - in my area an electrician will charge well over £300 for a day’s work whereas a cleaner charges around £15 an hour. Once men start to take equal responsibility in childcare arrangements and women being paid equally to men, then you’ll see more women being able to work and pay for quality childcare in the school holidays.

Someone working in your house is not a "guest", and I'm not convinced that household insurance covers accidents caused by or to people being paid. That's why they do tend to have insurance.