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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my cleaner shouldn’t bring her own child to work?

717 replies

Informercera · 03/08/2025 10:43

I’m really torn on this and would love some outside perspective.

We’ve had the same cleaner for just over a year and she’s been fantastic, reliable, thorough, really kind and trustworthy. We’ve always got on well and I genuinely like her. But over the past few weeks, since the summer holidays started, she’s been bringing her 10 year old daughter with her when she comes to clean.

Her daughter isn’t badly behaved at all. She just sits quietly on the sofa in our living room watching things on an iPad. Sometimes I hear little giggles or the sound of whatever she’s watching, but she’s not running around or causing chaos or anything like that.

Still, I’m finding it awkward. I work from home and I’m usually upstairs on Zoom calls or writing reports, and it just feels a bit strange knowing there’s a child downstairs while her mum is hoovering or mopping the floors. I don’t have children myself and I suppose I’m not used to having someone else’s in my personal space. It changes the dynamic a bit and makes it feel less like a professional service. I also can’t help worrying about the what ifs - what if something broke or she hurt herself? Would I be responsible?

I completely understand that school holidays are a nightmare for working parents and childcare is expensive. I don’t want to be unsympathetic. I haven’t said anything to her yet because I don’t want to come across as precious or unkind. But equally I’m paying for a service and this isn’t what I signed up for.

AIBU to feel uncomfortable about this and consider raising it gently with her? Or should I just let it go for a few more weeks until the holidays are over? I want to be fair but I also feel a bit blindsided. Would love to know what others think.

OP posts:
Ddakji · 03/08/2025 13:31

Zov · 03/08/2025 13:26

Oh, yes, we mustn't forget BE KIND. Especially if you're a laydee. Women must support women after all, no matter how ridiculous any given woman is being, or how daft and cheeky her demands or behaviour. Funnily enough I don't just wilfully support someone because we both happen to have a vagina. 🙄

How is a child sitting quietly on the sofa daft or cheeky?

Westfacing · 03/08/2025 13:31

Spindrifts · 03/08/2025 13:18

70 years ago my mother took me to her cleaning jobs. I was made to sit and draw, read a book, or play with my Sindy. So, no, it is not unreasonable to bring your child to a cleaning job. If she asked first, then it is not at all bad if the child is well behaved. There is such a things as being kind and if she goes the extra mile to help you, then she is worth hanging onto.

Some 55 years ago my mother took my younger brother to her evening cleaning job at Fords car factory!

Times have changed Grin

CyanDreamer · 03/08/2025 13:31

Zov · 03/08/2025 13:26

Oh, yes, we mustn't forget BE KIND. Especially if you're a laydee. Women must support women after all, no matter how ridiculous any given woman is being, or how daft and cheeky her demands or behaviour. Funnily enough I don't just wilfully support someone because we both happen to have a vagina. 🙄

I can't figure out if you are so angry because someone has a child, or because they can take them to work with them?

As I said, I had MEN bring their children too.

The only ridiculous one is you. You can have an opinion, but going into such a state about this? What nerve has been touched?

Zov · 03/08/2025 13:32

BoredZelda · 03/08/2025 13:28

The alternative here is, make life much harder for someone when what they are doing causes you zero inconvenience. You can choose that if you wish. It isn’t about any kind of sisterhood it’s about not being a twat.

Show quote history

Here we go again, with the non existent 'sisterhood.' As I said, I am not going to defend someone purely because we both have a vagina, if I think their behaviour is unnacceptable. What the OP's cleaner is doing is unnacceptable - to the OP. FACT. No amount of 'ooooh be KIND' rantings are going to change my opinions on this.

BoredZelda · 03/08/2025 13:32

cha04 · 03/08/2025 13:29

No company has to show you their policy. You can show proof of insurance but the policy absolutely not.

Show quote history

That proof should include what the cover includes and excludes.

I work in construction where we hire subbies for small jobs all the time. They provide full details of insurance or they don't get the job.

NuffSaidSam · 03/08/2025 13:32

Zov · 03/08/2025 13:30

I have said this multiple times on this thread, but apparently I am just a mean and spiteful old biffer who is just sooooo angerreeeee! 😠

Nope, just stating facts. And being real. And not being a pushover. Seems a few posters on here don't like women being assertive and strong.

Shame really. Sad

Show quote history

It is a shame that you can't use that assertive strength for another purpose. If you leant towards supporting people you could really make a positive difference.

ButterCrackers · 03/08/2025 13:33

BoredZelda · 03/08/2025 13:30

Do we also need to do this when having play dates?

Show quote history

These are your guests and your home insurance should cover damage and accidents. Check your policy. It might cover you outside you home as well. You need to check it though.

Zov · 03/08/2025 13:34

NuffSaidSam · 03/08/2025 13:32

It is a shame that you can't use that assertive strength for another purpose. If you leant towards supporting people you could really make a positive difference.

Show quote history

I am. I'm supporting the OP, and agreeing with her that the cleaner's behaviour - bringing her child to work - is bang out of order.

Zov · 03/08/2025 13:34

NuffSaidSam · 03/08/2025 13:32

It is a shame that you can't use that assertive strength for another purpose. If you leant towards supporting people you could really make a positive difference.

Show quote history

I am. I'm supporting the OP, and agreeing with her that the cleaner's behaviour - bringing her child to work - is bang out of order.

CyanDreamer · 03/08/2025 13:34

Zov · 03/08/2025 13:32

Here we go again, with the non existent 'sisterhood.' As I said, I am not going to defend someone purely because we both have a vagina, if I think their behaviour is unnacceptable. What the OP's cleaner is doing is unnacceptable - to the OP. FACT. No amount of 'ooooh be KIND' rantings are going to change my opinions on this.

Edited
Show quote history

No one is trying to change your opinion, and frankly, if I had the ill-luck to work for you, i wouldn't take any of my children anywhere near you, it's not safe 😂

Zov · 03/08/2025 13:35

Probably for the best @CyanDreamer

Zov · 03/08/2025 13:35

😂

MyDeftDuck · 03/08/2025 13:35

curious79 · 03/08/2025 10:44

I’d let it go unless you find it really easy finding cleaners and really can’t stand the child there
she clearly has no other option

This
I doubt she would bring her if she had a childcare arrangement in place that’s safe and reliable……….perhaps someone has let her down. Let it go.

Zov · 03/08/2025 13:35

😂

Westfacing · 03/08/2025 13:35

Zov · 03/08/2025 13:30

I have said this multiple times on this thread, but apparently I am just a mean and spiteful old biffer who is just sooooo angerreeeee! 😠

Nope, just stating facts. And being real. And not being a pushover. Seems a few posters on here don't like women being assertive and strong.

Shame really. Sad

Show quote history

Nope, just stating facts. And being real. And not being a pushover. Seems a few posters on here don't like women being assertive and strong.

Oh, give over!

Assertive and strong in relation to the young woman who has been a kind and reliable cleaner for a year?

mcmooberry · 03/08/2025 13:36

Mindyourfunkybusiness · 03/08/2025 13:24

My father took me to client meetings during summer holidays sometimes. These people were often childless and some of the most talented people I've ever had the privilege to meet. One played piano professionally and whilst my father was doing the structural survey, she played the piano for me and sat me next to her and taught me a bit (she even told me to bring my violin next time to play together!). That ladies kindness has stayed with me as a memory. Another older lady showed me how her two cats like to play fetch. Another had a daughter similar age and told me to play in her room. Another lady made me food and I played with her son (and we regularly met up socially after that!). Having been shown this kindness in my life and having been shown this behaviour has made me a better person. Oh and my career was influenced by this wonderful man who was also a client of my father. These people showed kindness and tolerance to my father, who had to take me some days to work (even if its just for a couple of hours because of mums dr appointment or whatever she'd normally do school hours) they have inspired me to be a better person, my career was thanks to one.
A lot of these people still use my father's company to this day and socialise outside of work 30 years later.

These are all lovely important memories for me. A little kindness stayed and influenced me. I personally follow on this tradition and any children that come through my door get offered TV, craft box, conversation, kindness. And ofcourse the WiFi password if needed. Their questions answered if they have things to say, left to their own devices if they're calm, busy watching tablet. I do expect good behaviour from all guests but I've never had a problem to be honest.

I guess my point of view is a bit different having experienced being that kid, and I'm thankful it was with such lovely people. OP, kindness goes a long way, sometimes can stick with someone for decades as a precious memory. But if you're really uncomfortable you can find someone else I am sure.

What a lovely post!
I think the cleaner should definitely have asked but I hope the OP reads this and changes how she approaches the situation, she can either make the daughter feel welcome - or not. I would 100% put up with this (and make the daughter feel comfortable as she is no trouble) rather than risk losing such a great cleaner.

Zov · 03/08/2025 13:36

Westfacing · 03/08/2025 13:35

Nope, just stating facts. And being real. And not being a pushover. Seems a few posters on here don't like women being assertive and strong.

Oh, give over!

Assertive and strong in relation to the young woman who has been a kind and reliable cleaner for a year?

Show quote history

For a year yes.... She's not reliable now is she? Bringing her child to work?

cha04 · 03/08/2025 13:37

BoredZelda · 03/08/2025 13:32

That proof should include what the cover includes and excludes.

I work in construction where we hire subbies for small jobs all the time. They provide full details of insurance or they don't get the job.

Show quote history

In this game there is not even a legal requirement of insurance let alone showing a policy.

spotddog · 03/08/2025 13:37

Cleaners charging £20-25 are usually agency supplied. Cleaners are paid minimum wage give or take.

Plumber, builder etc are not regularly in your house so you don’t really know them and might never see them again.

I would like to be asked first but cultural and language differences often makes it difficult for cleaners to approach this.
Be kind and understanding to a hard working mum.

CyanDreamer · 03/08/2025 13:38

Zov · 03/08/2025 13:30

I have said this multiple times on this thread, but apparently I am just a mean and spiteful old biffer who is just sooooo angerreeeee! 😠

Nope, just stating facts. And being real. And not being a pushover. Seems a few posters on here don't like women being assertive and strong.

Shame really. Sad

Show quote history

You are not assertive and strong. You come across as unhinged frankly.

You are doing us all a massive disfavour if you try to pretend that women can't have an opinion and stand up for themselves without going into such a state.

Do you actually behave like this at work? I bet you don't.

Minecroft · 03/08/2025 13:38

YABU providing everything is getting done and the kid is just sat there quietly. I feel sorry for the parent and the child here. It must be shit for both of them.

Thanksman · 03/08/2025 13:38

Zov · 03/08/2025 13:36

For a year yes.... She's not reliable now is she? Bringing her child to work?

Show quote history

Well, realistically, she is reliable by bringing the child to work,

stclementine · 03/08/2025 13:38

Leedssdeel · 03/08/2025 12:45

Of course it feels strange - OP has no children so is not used to this and her home is her personal , private space .

Show quote history

And if the OP’s home is anything like mine then it is not child friendly and even if it is, then one of the perks of having your own home is being able to decide who gets to enter it. The cleaner does as it’s her job and she’s being paid to clean. Random children - nope.
I have a cleaner and use an agency. I’ve had to change cleaners three times in the last few years because they weren’t reliable and one was sacked by the agency. The one I have now is fine. Turns up does the work, doesn’t disturb me working from home, doesn’t annoy my dog and then fucks off again. That’s what most of us want from a cleaner, not a friend, not a charity case, not someone who takes the piss. Just a professional doing a service. I frankly know nothing about her life and she knows nothing about mine. That’s how it should be.
and anyone objecting to me being in my own house as I wfh and have done for years would ne told to suck it up or fuck off.
this isn’t a job that requires lots is skill or is niche. There’s always a supply of cleaners out there so if the one you have isn’t working out for whatever reason, sack them ans replace.

WibbleyPie · 03/08/2025 13:39

Zov · 03/08/2025 13:32

Here we go again, with the non existent 'sisterhood.' As I said, I am not going to defend someone purely because we both have a vagina, if I think their behaviour is unnacceptable. What the OP's cleaner is doing is unnacceptable - to the OP. FACT. No amount of 'ooooh be KIND' rantings are going to change my opinions on this.

Edited
Show quote history

Not about being kind, a sisterhood or defending vaginas as far as I'm concerned, it's common sense that in a time when we need as many people working as possible and there's already barriers to that, including affordability and provision of childcare, creating another barrier if there doesn't need to be one is daft.

But I mean people are always free to pay more for the services they want and then childcare can be affordable to those they employ, or start their own childcare business to increase provision. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Tiredofallthis101 · 03/08/2025 13:39

I wouldn't raise it. A good cleaner is so hard to find and if the child is well behaved then there isn't really an issue that impacts you. I agree it's rude and she should at the very least have asked, but if you want to keep her I would let it go. I might ask her to give me a heads up in future if the girl is coming in case you had plans which would mean she didn't have anywhere to sit eg if you were in the living room. Bit otherwise I'd try not to worry about it.