To think my cleaner shouldn’t bring her own child to work?

[Informercera]

I’m really torn on this and would love some outside perspective.

We’ve had the same cleaner for just over a year and she’s been fantastic, reliable, thorough, really kind and trustworthy. We’ve always got on well and I genuinely like her. But over the past few weeks, since the summer holidays started, she’s been bringing her 10 year old daughter with her when she comes to clean.

Her daughter isn’t badly behaved at all. She just sits quietly on the sofa in our living room watching things on an iPad. Sometimes I hear little giggles or the sound of whatever she’s watching, but she’s not running around or causing chaos or anything like that.

Still, I’m finding it awkward. I work from home and I’m usually upstairs on Zoom calls or writing reports, and it just feels a bit strange knowing there’s a child downstairs while her mum is hoovering or mopping the floors. I don’t have children myself and I suppose I’m not used to having someone else’s in my personal space. It changes the dynamic a bit and makes it feel less like a professional service. I also can’t help worrying about the what ifs - what if something broke or she hurt herself? Would I be responsible?

I completely understand that school holidays are a nightmare for working parents and childcare is expensive. I don’t want to be unsympathetic. I haven’t said anything to her yet because I don’t want to come across as precious or unkind. But equally I’m paying for a service and this isn’t what I signed up for.

AIBU to feel uncomfortable about this and consider raising it gently with her? Or should I just let it go for a few more weeks until the holidays are over? I want to be fair but I also feel a bit blindsided. Would love to know what others think.

Our cleaners also used to clean for DMIL, who died a couple of years ago following a long period of dementia.

Occasionally one would need to bring her daughter. DMIL absolutely loved young children, she worked at a nursery when she was young. Those infrequent visits were really special to her. She’s a lovely, quiet and well behaved girl. Who was plied with chatter and biscuits at DMIL’s!

Me - I love our cleaners, they are dependable, thorough, cheerful, efficient and amazing at their job. It never did bother me in the slightest the occasional time this happened to me too.

I once had a nail appointment where the technician had her son with her - a really badly behaved child, the whole experience was awful. I wish I’d said something, I didn’t - but I didn’t go back!

Same.

Yabu. It would be different if the child was noisy/messy/disturbing you etc but she’s just sitting still quietly minding her own business while you’re in a different room. It’s not affecting you in any way so just don’t make life more difficult for your cleaner who presumably doesn’t have much option other than to bring her well behaved child along with her.

I do think it would have been polite to check with you if it was ok for the child to come with her, although I understand why your cleaner might have been nervous in case you said no.

Ultimately you can choose and it’s up to you. I wouldn’t have an issue with it, and even if you do find it a bit awkward it’s probably a reasonable trade off for being otherwise happy with the service. If your cleaner is still doing a good job I would think it right to support her and let this go.

One thing I really wouldn’t do, personally, is raise the issue with her as you suggested unless you plan to make it a dealbreaker. Otherwise you are just going to damage the relationship for no reason. If the iPad noise is bothering you then you could request that she uses headphones of some kind. That will make the point that while you are allowing the arrangement you still need to be taken into account, if that’s all you want the mention of things to do.

Showing kindness is allowing this well-behaved child to stay.

Gushing (aka performative kindness) is the OP taking time out of her work day to play host.

Btw your cleaner sounds wonderful, I am envious!

What I don’t understand is why these people bringing their child to work haven’t asked their employers if that’s okay….yes I understand childcare can be difficult but if you worked in Tesco or an office you wouldn’t just rock up with your child. If I had a cleaner who asked I’d be inclined to say yes but then a conversation would be had with the expectations…I think the reason for these posts on mn is that these people are left feeling unsure in their own homes.

It depends how much they charge. When I was a cleaner I could only do one big house and one medium/small house a day. So if I dropped my son off at school I would clean a big house, that would take about three hours then home for lunch. A smaller house in the afternoon so that I could be finished before my son finished school. So at the time I charged £8 an hour (it was 20 years ago or so). I had to take him with me in the holidays because I didn't earn enough to pay for childcare. And it was bloody hard work might I add.

You call it ridiculous, I call it compassion.

Working as a cleaner in a private home isn’t in the least bit comparable to working in Tesco.

from the title, I thought she was going to be running around, making a racket, being a complete nightmare! As it is, she doesn’t sound like she’s causing any issues whatsoever. I’d let it be.

You sound a bit mean. The child is probably bored as hell and being v good sitting there being v quiet and the mum perhaps can’t afford childcare and has no other option and likely doesn’t want to be busting her ass in the summer cleaning other people’s toilets and having to bring her poor daughter along.
When did so many people become so heartless

Our electrician did, quite a few times. From her second visit, I made sure we had snacks and drinks for her. She was about 12, iirc and he left her in the van at first but I said she could come in. If I was in her shoes, I wouldn’t want to be sat in a van for hours and I wouldn’t want to be made to feel a nuisance. Given a choice, I dare say she’d rather have been somewhere else.

Agreed, and apparently it's not mean because they're going to tell the cleaner they can't bring their child anymore in a 'kind' way 😂 Hope they're prepared to lose a very good cleaner (quite rare nowadays).

Good point.

OP, come clean (excuse the pun); how much (or little) are you paying your cleaner? 🤔

She should have checked first, I agree but she is otherwise an excellent cleaner, as described by her client. Are you seriously going to bring health and safety into a 2 hour cleaning job with a quiet, still child of 10? Some people seem to enjoy making problems out of nothing instead of finding solutions. I guess that's one of the reasons we have so many non jobs and inefficient institutions nowadays.

I honestly can't see the issue with a child sitting down on the sofa playing on their phone or tablet.

I might feel a bit awkward, as in "shall I be nice and offer the tv or a snack", but if the child is doing nothing, not a problem. 10 yo are more than old enough not to need constant supervision and won't affect her mum's job.

I know how much I pay my cleaner, she's self-employed as well, and I know how much childcare cost. I'd rather have the child around than the cleaner putting her prices up, or simply going to a more friendly house!

This. ^ What if the child gets hurt? Has the cleaner got her covered on her insurance? Because if it was me, (employing her,) firstly I would not allow it, and if she DID bring her and say there's nowhere else for her to go, and the child got hurt, she could fuck off if she thought she'd be holding me responsible for the 'accident.'

As for the posters suggesting you give the child snacks and drinks, and make them 'welcome.' It's not a fucking creche! It's someone's home, and also their workplace. It's not a minor inconvenience as one post laughably suggested, it's peak cheekyfuckery, and very intrusive and entitled.

Some responses on here are pure peak batshittery, and only on Mumsnet would (some) people think what the OP's cleaner is doing is OK, the OP should suck it up, and that she should even entertain, and cater to said child. And she should be doing it because 'women should be supporting women!' Fuxake! This thread is bonkers!😂

This. ^ What if the child gets hurt? Has the cleaner got her covered on her insurance? Because if it was me, (employing her,) firstly I would not allow it, and if she DID bring her and say there's nowhere else for her to go, and the child got hurt, she could fuck off if she thought she'd be holding me responsible for the 'accident.'

As for the posters suggesting you give the child snacks and drinks, and make them 'welcome.' It's not a fucking creche! It's someone's home, and also their workplace. It's not a minor inconvenience as one post laughably suggested, it's peak cheekyfuckery, and very intrusive and entitled.

Some responses on here are pure peak batshittery, and only on Mumsnet would (some) people think what the OP's cleaner is doing is OK, the OP should suck it up, and that she should even entertain, and cater to said child. And she should be doing it because 'women should be supporting women!' Fuxake! This thread is bonkers!😂

Of course but I’m just saying it would be the right thing to do to ask. You are still providing a service and employed by that person…as I said if I had a cleaner who approached me and asked if their child could sit in the lounge/kitchen whilst they cleaned I’d say yes but if someone just thought it was appropriate to turn up with their child to work I’d think they were being a bit cheeky

The fact that you are telling imaginary people in imaginary scenarios to 'f* off' says a lot more about you than anyone else on this thread. What an unpleasant attitude.

Exactly! She couldn't take her child to work in most jobs, and I would bet that the cleaner is paid way more per hour than someone working on checkout at the Co-op!

Plot twist: the cleaner is the builder’s wife and after that other poster complained about the daughter operaring the mini digger, the wife had to take her to her job.

(Sorry if it’s been said already, I haven’t read the whole thread)

Stating nonsense as if it’s a fact. Just speak for yourself because I would and I have done. Some people are compassionate, some people aren’t.

I understand you OP. I feel uncomfortable even being home when someone else cleans my house.
On this occasion I would let it slide though.