Relationships - difference in work and pay

[478302job]

I’ve been seeing someone for a year who is really lovely and kind.

as we’ve got to know one another more and spend more time together, it’s become more apparent the differences in our finances.

I own a house. I have a successful business I spent years building. I’m on good money. I’ve always worked as I’ve always had to look after and depend on myself from a very young age.

the person I’m seeing rents a house with a friend. Was studying alongside work until recently as uni finished 3 months ago. But have continued to work in a shop 2 days per week.

I’ve been asking about work opportunities and what’s the plan now the degree is finished as I can personally see lots of work opportunities to do their dream job but I don’t see as much action as I’d probably take. Which is fine as we’re different.

when we go out places, there’s a significant difference I’ve noticed when it come to buying and paying for stuff which also was highlighted recently when we were planning a holiday.

I don’t think there’s any plan to buy a house and when talking about it, it seems the intention is to continue renting with a friend as it’s cheaper which I understand.

I suppose it’s on my mind a little bit. It might not be all that important but I’m conscious of the difference.

we are both almost 40.

I don't think I've seen it asked yet. What did your partner do before they went to uni. How did they fund themself?

Is she in receipt of PIP for anxiety OP?

Oh ignore that one

There was absolutely nothing in your posts that would indicate you wanted some kind of luxurious indulgent life and your partner wanted “peace”

No not at all.

Worked in retail and other similar jobs.

I never said indulgent, I meant comparative luxuries.

There wasn’t anything in her posts about her partner’s ’moral compass’ either, but hey!

Aside from accepting a 100% holiday from a single mother with a young dependent

Feeling overwhelmed in finding a job is indicative of anxiety OP

Yes but the question was about receiving PIP.

And i would hazard a guess that someone who is working two days a week because they feel “overwhelmed” at finding a job… will be receiving PIP for some kind of mental health ailment involving anxiety.

how else would someone be able to survive on £8/9k a year if they’re not receiving state support? Given you say no family help.

He sounds like someone in his early 20s, whereas you've moved on in your life as a near 40yo. That's the only point, you are feeling at a different stage in your life and the person you're seeing seems unmotivated to advance forward from living in digs like The Young Ones.

Time to decide if you want to waste time waiting for him to grow up. Maybe give it the summer, then have a conversation in the autumn to get his thoughts and intentions. If he's evasive or doesn't want to engage, fine you've got your answer and can make your choice accordingly as to whether it as any future for you.

Unless money is no object op… spending a penny on someone who chooses to work two days a week and no real intention of changing (but feels comfortable accepting the gift of a holiday) is daft. You have a child FGS. Spend / Save your money on them not someone you’ve known a year.