Relationships - difference in work and pay

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I’ve been seeing someone for a year who is really lovely and kind.

as we’ve got to know one another more and spend more time together, it’s become more apparent the differences in our finances.

I own a house. I have a successful business I spent years building. I’m on good money. I’ve always worked as I’ve always had to look after and depend on myself from a very young age.

the person I’m seeing rents a house with a friend. Was studying alongside work until recently as uni finished 3 months ago. But have continued to work in a shop 2 days per week.

I’ve been asking about work opportunities and what’s the plan now the degree is finished as I can personally see lots of work opportunities to do their dream job but I don’t see as much action as I’d probably take. Which is fine as we’re different.

when we go out places, there’s a significant difference I’ve noticed when it come to buying and paying for stuff which also was highlighted recently when we were planning a holiday.

I don’t think there’s any plan to buy a house and when talking about it, it seems the intention is to continue renting with a friend as it’s cheaper which I understand.

I suppose it’s on my mind a little bit. It might not be all that important but I’m conscious of the difference.

we are both almost 40.

Read the OP and all the posts….

and I suspect you won’t feel quite so “sad” for this person.

I would just find the lack of drive/ambition a bit unattractive. Its not really the money, there are careers where you can work hard & climb a few grades and still not be particularly highly paid, but the lack of ambition.

I have and I do.

The OP said she finds she finds herself paying to do the things she wants to do and enjoy the lifestyle she wants to enjoy. I don’t know these people or their relationship but it seems clear that the partner genuinely can’t afford it because she has different financial circumstances and presumably accepts that. The OP as the higher earner chooses to fund it. She chooses to. Because she still wants to go. People on here are incredibly quick to jump to all sorts of conclusions about a person’s character.

Accepting a single mother paying 100% for a holiday for me, when I work two days a week (and do what for the remaining 5 OP?! Whilst the OP is running a successful business)?

…. Nope, something I’d never do and would be 🤔 if I knew someone who had

There can be any number of reasons why a person does not have the emotional/physical/mental capacity to work full time. Arguably, it is a sick society that calls fast and immediate judgment on every person that does not have all their weekday hours accounted for. Heaven forbid someone should decide they would rather work less and have less.

This couple’s decision about how to fund a holiday that the OP wanted to take but her partner presumably could not afford is almost a separate point.

It does sound as if the OP’s partner might be better off with someone who has the same pace of life and understands and shares her wish to favour time and peace over lots of money (which is what her life choices amount to - and good for her).

There can be any number of reasons why a person does not have the emotional/physical/mental capacity to work full time.

and the OP doesn’t give even the whiff of this being the case in this scenario, which is what the thread is about

It does sound as if the OP’s partner might be better off with someone who has the same pace of life and understands and shares her wish to favour time and peace over lots of money

so this is why you think this person works two days a week?

but you also say There can be any number of reasons why a person does not have the emotional/physical/mental capacity to work full time

Do you work @Churchofthegoddamnwild ?

I would hazard a guess that you perhaps work full time, eh?

Op do you know what she does on the 3 days she has off when you’re working?

3 days a week.

So I’ve told you

And you?

Seeing friends and family. Tidying and cleaning the house. Cooking. Walking.

It could be one or the other or both. We wouldn’t know, would we. Because we don’t have the faintest idea about these two hypothetical people, or their real backgrounds and histories. But, let’s all, collectively make a ton of assumptions about this person’s character and intentions simply on the basis that she doesn’t work a 9 to 5, lives with a housemate and couldn’t afford to buy something frivolous in a shop and go out to dinner on the same night. Shock. Horror.

Same as it happens 😂

op has she confided in you as to why she only Wants to work 2 days a week but is hardly financially secure?

One for hyperbole aren’t you?! 🤭

I guess the other way of looking at it is should the OP’s partner, who sounds as if she has a peaceful life that she is happy with even if it means she can’t afford luxuries that those with full time jobs take for granted, have to start working more hours than she feels able to (for whatever reason), simply to keep up with her new partner’s lifestyle? OP, this is not a dig at you. It just feels to me that your partner is getting quite the attack here and it doesn’t seem fair to me.

Just stating the facts.

She’s been working two days a week for the whole time of being at uni. Because she was at uni the rest of the week however uni finished three months ago.

she says she feels overwhelmed about finding new work.

i’m probably being harsh in the sense that I have never had the opportunity or what feels like a ‘luxury’ to let my overwhelm take over. I don’t want that to sound patronising or minimising.

I’ve always had to work from being 13 years old. So I’ve always got cracking with it despite what’s going on in my life even when I’ve gone through some of the worst traumas, I have still gone to work. In some ways it’s been a coping mechanism for me.
So it’s almost the complete opposite of how I am, which is what is being highlighted to me at the moment.

I don’t have some luxurious lifestyle. I work a lot. I spend the rest of my time with my child. I don’t go out all that often unless it’s to children’s events.
I like going out for a coffee. I occasionally have a meal out. I go on holiday in the UK maybe once or twice a year. So it isn’t a luxury lifestyle.

I’m hearing a little of that - her overwhelm at the world and that maybe some part of you would have liked to have been able to do the same but that has needed to keep doing the opposite. They are two sides of the same coin in a way. Both ways of coping with the world x

Yes, sorry didn’t mean luxury luxury, but just things that are a kind of luxury if you’re really not earning much

You aren't going to work