WIBU to reassure this child that my dog is friendly

[Allelbowsandtoes]

Hi,
This happened earlier today and I've been wondering about whether I was in the wrong or not.

I was walking earlier with my dog (she's s whippet and very lazy, usually either trots along beside me or sniffs things, not boisterous or anything). We were walking in a big local green space where there's always plenty of off lead dogs.

I was on a quiet, wide path in a wooded area. I came near some little girls who were with their mum. When I was about 4-5 metres away I could see one of the girls became very nervous and her mum advised her to stand back from the path and stay calm. My dog wasn't approaching her but was going to walk near her to get by so I called her back (she came immediately, we've trained recall extensively) and put her on the lead. As I was walking past I put as much space between us as possible but said to the little girl "don't worry, she's friendly " just to reassure her. Thd mum snapped at me "just because she's friendly, doesn't mean my daughter wants to say hello to her".

Tbh I was a bit pissed off, although I didn't say anything. If my dog had been greeting someone who didn't want to interact then that would have been a fair thing to say, but she was being really good.Then again, the girl was obviously scared and maybe has had bad experiences in he past?

You’re missing the point though, the dog was under control because op immediately put it on the led. A dog is not “out of control” just because it is not walking right next to its owner…,people don’t make their kids walk right next to them all the time, or even bother to supervise them - I was smacked by a fishing net last week walking along a riverside path because some child decided to randomly swing it round his head with no warning , for example, and I lose track of the number of kids on scooters who have nearly run me over.

You didn’t do anything wrong. In fact, far from it, and you took correct action. Ie. Putting her on the lead. You were well meaning with your comment, and was trying to be reassuring.

She was a rude cow. Your little dog was doing nothing wrong and a friendly comment to the little girl was treated with contempt. I suspect it was her poor parenting that caused the fear of dogs.

I feel she was rude.

I’m currently training my 17 week old beagle puppy, and when walking he’s on lead and I’m scanning the upcoming surroundings. If I see someone approaching we stop, I put him into a ‘watch me’ (a sit with eye contact so I can see where his attention goes) and let people pass with his attention on me. If that starts to wander then I shorten the lead and put myself between him and the person while getting him to ‘walk on’

If it’s a narrow path or we have to cross someone unexpectedly it’s a short lead, a ‘walk on’ and a clear ‘not everyone wants to say hello to you ’ At least then they know my focus is on them not engaging with him or vice versa.

My aim is getting him to automatically put attention onto me rather than the person passing.

I’ve definitely learnt from this thread not to use the ‘friendly’ word.

@AragornsManlyStubble Agree, she was, no need of it.I don’t get, why some people, particularly on this thread are so shocked to see dogs, when it’s common knowledge, it’s a place where dogs are allowed off lead Agree with you, best not to speak, to reassure.My dog, who’s elderly now, has never run up to people and jumped up on them, because she’s been trained and actually she’s not interested in other dogs or other people, she just wants to enjoy the freedom.There are plenty of dog owners, who are not irresponsible.
I’ve had many people, say can they say hello, stroke my dog, it’s just all down to courtesy, works both ways.

From my experience many parents seem to project their own dog fears upon their children. It really bothers me when kids (especially older ones) act stupidly around dogs - ie: screaming/shouting, throwing tantrums and running away when a dog dares to calmly walk past them on lead. Almost always followed by parents pulling them away as if they are about to get mauled by an XL bully. I accept that not everyone is comfortable around dogs but acting like this is a sure fire way to draw attention to yourself (and provoke a dog). The parents need to correct it, not reinforce this silly behaviour.

Trying to reassure the child was a thoughtful thing to do, but next time honestly I wouldn't bother.

I usually just leash my dog and completely ignore them 🤷🏼‍♀️

If they want to work on their fear then I'm sure they will somewhere else with someone else... but that's none of my business.

My daughter is scared of dogs and would be the same if one was off the lead near her. Just cause they are friendly doesn't mean she isn't scared of them. I personally don't think dogs should be off the lead at all in public places apart from enclosed dog fields.

I agree.

Did you read a different post? OP put her dog on a lead simply because she could see the child was scared. Not because the dog was jumping. No one was being unfair

My daughter is scared of dogs after a bad incident. YANBU to put dog on lead and give as much distance as possible.

YABU to “reassure” someone your dog is friendly. Literally every owner thinks their dog is friendly. That doesn’t stop the dog from randomly jumping, sniffing or licking, which is very frightening to young children who are scared.

She was rude.
She'd have a point if your dog went up to them. It didnt. Ignore it.

Every dog owner that had a dog that bit someone or attacked someone always said but they were a friendly dog!

Rubbish, keep your dog on its lead and keep your trap shut. Better for kids to treat every dog rightly with suspicion as a lot of bad owners are full of shit.

And a lot of scared people unreasonably think their phobia should be every dog owners problem.

There’s good and bad on both sides of this argument but in this case OP did everything morally and legally correct.

She cared enough to ask if she should have done anything differently and we are all now aware of how loaded ‘friendly’ can be as a reassurance, including OP.

So no need to suggest she needs to ‘keep her trap shut’. She hardly said ‘here, my dog’s hungry, can she chew your child?’.

OP - you did everything right. There’s just no satisfying some people. you were also polite whereas the mother ‘snapped’.
If anything the parent increased anxiety levels with her response.

I'd rather meet a dog than you tbh.

It's been said many times before. All dogs should be kept on a lead at all times when in a public place. If that rule were to be applied it would make for a much more harmonious community of dog owners and non-dog owners. We could all enjoy the countryside on equal terms.

The child's mother was rude IMO.

The girl is scared of dogs, how you perceive your dog is irrelevant. We have a dog but as a child I was petrified of dogs. A dog being friendly isn’t friendly seeming if you’re scared of dogs and it’s not your place to tell someone otherwise.

You should have had the dog on a lead. It was rude of you to chastise the child for being rightfully wary of a strange dog by saying it was 'friendly'.

I never understand why owners say 'don't worry, he's friendly!'. Nope. I do not want to befriend your dog. I would be happier to be told that 'he's shy and uninterested' as friendly sounds a lot like it's going to jump on me or get too close!

Reassuring things to say are things like 'I'll wait here until you pass' or 'I've put him on the lead so he's under control', things that reassure that the dog is not going to approach.

Oh give over!

In what land of make believe was OP’s comment chastising the child?

It’s honestly a very sad world if a person cannot offer a comment, kindly meant, to try and reassure someone.

Even if the dog had already been on lead, the child still would have been scared. At the point of the comment, the dog was on lead. Did the fear magically disappear? No, OP took steps to eliminate the problem and calmly moved on.

She offered a reassurance, which according to some posters would have been fine if she’d said something other than ‘she’s friendly.’

Again, it was hardly ‘Calm down! Stop being hysterical!’

You trotted out the line that every dog owner - good or bad - trots out about their dog whether they are friendly, unfriendly, or indifferent.

People 👏🏻don’t 👏🏻want 👏🏻to 👏🏻interact 👏🏻with 👏🏻your 👏🏻dog. Why is this so hard for people to get into their heads?

Yes this exactly! A friendly dog is awful to someone who doesn’t like dogs. Much more likely to jump all over you and lick you which is an unpleasant experience for many.

OP's dog did not want to interact with anyone either.

She was just trying to reassure the child that her dog was not a threat. Unfortunately, she used the line that people tend to use to excuse bad doggy behaviour.