WIBU to reassure this child that my dog is friendly

[Allelbowsandtoes]

Hi,
This happened earlier today and I've been wondering about whether I was in the wrong or not.

I was walking earlier with my dog (she's s whippet and very lazy, usually either trots along beside me or sniffs things, not boisterous or anything). We were walking in a big local green space where there's always plenty of off lead dogs.

I was on a quiet, wide path in a wooded area. I came near some little girls who were with their mum. When I was about 4-5 metres away I could see one of the girls became very nervous and her mum advised her to stand back from the path and stay calm. My dog wasn't approaching her but was going to walk near her to get by so I called her back (she came immediately, we've trained recall extensively) and put her on the lead. As I was walking past I put as much space between us as possible but said to the little girl "don't worry, she's friendly " just to reassure her. Thd mum snapped at me "just because she's friendly, doesn't mean my daughter wants to say hello to her".

Tbh I was a bit pissed off, although I didn't say anything. If my dog had been greeting someone who didn't want to interact then that would have been a fair thing to say, but she was being really good.Then again, the girl was obviously scared and maybe has had bad experiences in he past?

ONLY AFTER THE LITTLE GIRL WAS SCARED

FFS

And OP had control of her dog give she said they have good recall and have fuck all interest in anything going on.

The girl would have been scared if her dog was on a lead or not.

I was bitten by a dog as a 5 year old. Off lead and out of sight of owner. Afterwards I had a dog phobia for some years. It wasn't a belief that ALL dogs would bite me, it was just a reaction to a dog. ALL dogs, bar 2 who belonged to close friends and knew really well, set off that reaction. My guess is that maybe something similar had happened to this girl. I know you didn't mean to upset the girl or the mum, but the girl wasn't about to be ok with your dog just because you said it was friendly. Your saying it was friendly and that longer moment, was not helpful. I get that you didn't mean to be unhelpful, but the only way to help the girl at that moment was to get the dog away from her as fast as possible. Just having to let you go past would have made her incredibly uncomfortable, any interaction on top of this would just make it worse. I think the poor mum probably just needed you to move on ASAP.

In future it’s ok not to say anything as you walk past or use the line about the dog being under your control. That’s more comforting than the friendly line.

Honestly OP, my youngest is terrified of dogs, I really dislike them myself, and I wouldn't have taken the slightest bit of offence at what you said. It clearly came from a place of kindness.

If OP felt the need to say anything she could thank the child for waiting calmly while she got her dog on a lead.

TBH waiting until she could see the child was anxious to call the dog back and put it on a lead was unreasonable. I love dogs, was a dog walkers and trainer, my own dogs are trained to come back to me when they see anyone walking towards us without me having to remind them. If there is anyone around your dog should be by your side.

Interestingly, the comments I get from people without dogs are generally "thank you" / "wow, he's well trained". Dog owners on the other hand get very offended that my dogs come back to me and I've been told many times that I'm "cruel for not letting them be dogs".

Tbf my own friends have said this and their dogs have tried to bite so I have zero trust now. The mum is probably the same

YABU - every dog owner always says that about their dog. including those that then maul their own kids
As someone who doesn't like dogs I don't want to be sniffed/licked/jumped up at yapped at-in any circumstances. Of course you are entitled to use path/park/towpath etc same as me but just keep your dog off me please.

I'm not a dog lover but love the idea of dogs being trained to stay by the owner if other people are around

Agree with PP that "I've got him under control" is better than "don't worry he's friendly"

You did nothing wrong. My son is scared of dogs and I've lost count of the number of times someone has let their dog run up to him shouting "he's friendly don't worry" and I've had to tell them to call their dog back as it doesn't matter how friendly it is, he's still bloody terrified. I love it when people put them on the lead around kids to prevent this. Mum was probably just having a stressful moment as she's experienced the same many times. In a world full of dogs it's very stressful taking kids who are scared of dogs for a walk, I don't think people appreciate this and how difficult it is wanting to get kids outside but also having to deal with the inevitable situation where someone's bloody dog runs up to them. My son won't go to play parks anymore or beaches, because it's happened so many times. Brush it off, you didn't do anything wrong.

Also I was bitten last month by a dog someone said was friendly. I've got nerve damage in my hand.

The trouble is, all the idiots that let their dog jump at you, slobber on you and steal your picnics, holler "it's ok he's friendly" from a distance.

Indeed 😅. "Friendly" has become a byword for "totally out of control, but we at least THINK he won't savage you but just slobber on you and steal your food".

But I, as the dog’s guardian, find it offensive because the PP is using it to denigrate because she (look how polite I was there) doesn’t like dogs. I personally don’t give a fig about pronouns but I do not take kindly to miserable people choosing to have a go.

Are all dog owners meant to be psychic then, and no someone about to come round the corner is afraid of dogs? She saw something, she did something about it promptly, there was no problem. Get a grip and STOP SHOUTING! 🙄

There are lots of things in life that people find “disgusting “ personally but have to live with, smokers and vapers hanging round doorways, the 2 children wrestling and screaming at each other in tescos yesterday whilst their parents ignored them blocking the aisle to choose coffee when I had a headache and the idiots who double dip in pic n mix/ salad bars are personal bugbears.

You do realise animals and homeless people (and lots of drunks) void themselves outside right? Unless you have OCD ( in which case get some help) you’re being ridiculous. Maybe if you lightened up and stroked a dog your blood pressure would drop & you’d be happier.

Fitting username btw, seem to have quite a bit of cognitive dissonance going on.

Maybe she should have said “don’t worry, she’s not the slightest bit interested in you”, but no doubt the mother would have thought that was rude.

Don't take it personally. She's probably had a million dog owners say that whilst letting their dogs jump up at her kids and scare them anyway so it's gets a bit meaningless.

I don't let my dog off the lead, she is a Frenchie with zero recall and conveniently deaf when she chooses.

I often get approached by children saying "oh, a Frenchie" and wanting to make a fuss of her. I always say "she's a bit nervous, so probably best not to". She isn't nervous, but she is a dog and I can't predict how she - or the child for that matter - will act.

I also don't like random dogs off the lead who just come along and start sniffing her bum because she definitely dislikes that and then if she gets feisty, I have her and the random dog, with no owner in sight, to deal with. Yes, she is the one who starts to get annoyed first, but she hasn't asked for a nose up her bum from an unattended dog.

So many dog owners say that and they usually have biters. So I can see why the mom was not impressed.

Don't say anything. Mom was appropriate, you were pushy. Back off with scared kids.

I had a gentle giant dog. Some people were scared of him and would cross the street. No problem.

Who said it was a beauty spot, it was a green space.
Where anyone can go to including dogs.Op didn’t say her dog tends to jump up on people, she said her dog was well behaved and had a good recall.
You don’t think it’s fair, legally it is.What’s the alternative, dogs are banned from going anywhere, that’s not to happen in the uk.It’s actually quite a dog friendly place.

To me, 'he's friendly' means 'might approach you but won't harm you'. I get that it's meant to be reassuring but I don't like dogs and I don't want them to approach me at all, ever.

I've had dogs approach me before and when the owner can see I don't like it, they apologise and call them back. It drives me mad, you don't know if a stranger likes dogs so just don't let them approach randoms in the first place? (I understand that this isn't what the OP did.)

Psychic powers aren't necessary. If you are letting your dog off lead you should be in control of that dog. If you can't see what is around that corner then the dog should be at your side. That's all.

If the thing around that corner injured your dog I'm sure you wouldn't be shrugging your shoulders and saying "ah well, I'm not psychic".

@WasThatACorner there are places where people know dogs are going to be and off the lead.So why would it be shocking to see one.Op was in control of dog, she recalled her dog, who came straight back and was then put back on the lead.
In the uk, it’s legal, in green areas, parks, for dogs to be off the lead.If you feel so strongly about dogs, then yes, the alternative is don’t go to where it’s common knowledge, where dogs are going to be.
unfortunately, like in any situation there are some irresponsible people, who have a dog, but equally there are many people who are respectful.If you dislike dogs, it’s probably difficult for you to see that.