WIBU to reassure this child that my dog is friendly

[Allelbowsandtoes]

Hi,
This happened earlier today and I've been wondering about whether I was in the wrong or not.

I was walking earlier with my dog (she's s whippet and very lazy, usually either trots along beside me or sniffs things, not boisterous or anything). We were walking in a big local green space where there's always plenty of off lead dogs.

I was on a quiet, wide path in a wooded area. I came near some little girls who were with their mum. When I was about 4-5 metres away I could see one of the girls became very nervous and her mum advised her to stand back from the path and stay calm. My dog wasn't approaching her but was going to walk near her to get by so I called her back (she came immediately, we've trained recall extensively) and put her on the lead. As I was walking past I put as much space between us as possible but said to the little girl "don't worry, she's friendly " just to reassure her. Thd mum snapped at me "just because she's friendly, doesn't mean my daughter wants to say hello to her".

Tbh I was a bit pissed off, although I didn't say anything. If my dog had been greeting someone who didn't want to interact then that would have been a fair thing to say, but she was being really good.Then again, the girl was obviously scared and maybe has had bad experiences in he past?

Especially when it's the same size as you....

I don’t think you did anything wrong. You were trying to reassure. Nervous of dogs myself, so I suspect the mum said that because of the amount of dog owners who let their dog come bounding up to you and jump up at you, and when you look afraid or ask them to control their dog, they just say “don’t worry he’s friendly”! As if that makes it ok. I suspect she was reacting to the phrase rather that you specifically.

No one’s pretending dogs are people. It’s about consistent standards. A well-managed dog in public is no more of a problem than a well-managed child.

Bad behaviour is bad behaviour, whether it comes from a dog or a child. The real issue is people not taking responsibility. In my experience, I see more dog owners controlling their animals than parents controlling their kids.

Yes, a dog can injure someone but an unsupervised child can easily seriously hurt themselves or others too.

Responsibility matters more than species.

As they say, not all heroes wear capes and here we have it members of MN, someone who thinks announcing they would kick an animal in a disproportionate reaction, makes their point stronger and themselves sound tougher. What a hero.

The slow clap of appreciation for dumbest comment 👏🏻

ps. Ironically, given the choice, I think most people would prefer seeing dogs running around together than the Lycra clad knobs in running clubs.

Where did I say that I even have a dog?

But if we're on the subject of entitled people in public spaces, no I'm not going to leap into the road along with my pram and my 6yo just so that you can run in a straight line. Idgaf about you shaving 3.4 seconds off your PB time.

Dog owners pay tax and are allowed to enjoy the park the same as you.

They just like to bring a friend.

What a weird position to take.

You realise our ancestors were likely ape-like and humans can carry weapons, plus drive killing machines etc. So on the basis of what you’re saying, nobody should trust anyone and we should all be scared.

But that’s the thing - you should be! The dog should always be the thing to be moved. People don’t want to be sniffed, people don’t want to be jumped up at, people don’t want the dog to touch them in any way. You are the person who as brought the dog out so you need to be the person to do the compromising - always and forever.

It really IS that simple. The dog doesn’t matter. There are no situations where having a dog or being a dog gets you put above people and the onus is on you as a dog owner to make sure that your animal does not interfere with anyone at all even if you think the way they are interfering is fine. Other people don’t. All you are doing is demonstrating the entitlement and arrogance of most dog owners

Not unreasonable. You didn’t (well, I don’t think you did from your post) foist your dog onto her, or say that whilst allowing your dog to approach her.

You put a lead on your dog and kept her away from other people, which is the correct thing to do. The mother was completely over the top given you didn’t ask anyone to say hello to the dog.

Everything was going well until the mother snapped that comment. She could have just ignored you. Don't expect for one minute she'd have had the balls to snap that at a male dog walker!

You strike me as a bit like a princess as that’s a dramatic take. Dogs are allowed in public, they’re not invisible, and their existence alone isn’t interference. If a dog is off-lead in a no-dog zone, fine..call it out. But if it’s on a lead and under control, that’s reasonable.

You don’t get to dictate that every interaction, no matter how minor, is a violation. A sniff isn’t an assault. And if you’re in a public, dog-friendly space, you’re sharing that space, not owning it.

The real arrogance is assuming public space should cater only to your preferences. Responsible dog owners manage their dogs. The rest is about mutual respect, not one group constantly compromising while the other makes demands.

But from the mother's pov everything was going well until the "he's friendly" line was trotted out. It sounds like the mum was a bit rude but it's wearing when you hear it all the time whether the dog is under control or not. OP has taken this on board, which is great and some pp have suggested some alternative things OP could have said to achieve her desired effect of reassuring the mum that the dog was under control.

There's no need to make this about the sex of the dog walker, either 🙄

I take it that you are perfection personified and don't ever inconvenience any other person?

You carry a KNIFE? Because a dog NEARLY attacked your children several times? Well did it or didn't it?

I am a responsible dog owner who would have behaved as the OP did - ie responsibly. I hope I don't meet you and your knife and anxiety in the street though!

No species does matter, children are more important than dogs.
Too many dogs off leads roaming about feckless owners miles back shouting oh don’t worry he’s friendly while the dog jumps up on small children . I bent down one time and saw it through their eyes even small dogs look huge when you are 2!

Your dog is considered dangerously out of control if it: injures someone. makes someone worried that it might injure them.

https://www.gov.uk
Controlling your dog in public: Overview - GOV.U

Yabu. People who love dogs just don’t get it. Some of us don’t want dogs near us and 99% of the time we get “they’re just being friendly” as an excuse. I don’t care if your dog is friendly, I don’t want it anywhere near me.
I appreciate in this instance you were keeping the dog as far away as possible but we are sick of hearing the “friendly” line as it’s so dismissive of our fear/dislike of dogs.

My dog is friendly, but he’s huge and could and would easily knock a child over since he’s a big, bouncy, overexcitable wally. So I keep him on a lead. Yours is obviously better trained. Not unreasonable to try to reassure her. Sounds like her mum should have been doing that rather than feeding her fear. Yes, she probably has heard it before. No need to be a rude arse though.

OP’s dog did neither of those things. If a dog is under control and doing nothing but minding its own business, and someone gets scared nevertheless, how is that the dog owner’s problem?

@awaynboilyurheid

How is this hard to understand.

No one’s saying dogs are more important than children. But being more important doesn’t mean dogs don’t matter at all. Public space isn’t a hierarchy, it’s shared. That means everyone, parents and dog owners alike, needs to act responsibly.

I don't like screaming children. So guess what. I don't go walking through playgrounds or try to exercise my right to stand in one. I go to adult only holiday resorts, I don't live near a playground or school, I steer clear of anywhere where it is likely to have screaming kids. Do you see what I am doing... it's called respecting other people's lifestyle choices and not expecting them to adapt to my needs.

Blanket generalised statements that all dogs are a problem or that only children deserve consideration, is just making people look dumb. You're an adult who can exercise free will, has the intelligence (in most cases) to chose where you go and has the ability to roam in more public places than dogs. So I cannot see the logic in walking into a park, or space where dog owners can enjoy, then complaining about it.

Unless I am expecting too much of people.

I don't think you did anything wrong, you weee simply being pleasant and had done everything right, you weren't for ing the girl to say hello!

I have two dogs. A neighbours child is terrified of them which is absolutely fine and I will always give him a wide berth or cross the road but if he is playing on the street or in the woods there will always be dogs.

You did the right thing by putting dog on lead and walking with a big space. Very considerate and I wish all dog owners did this around young children. However I bloody hate the “he’s friendly” comment. I had that from a dog owner who hollered it as his massive dog barrelled into and knocked over my 3 year old resulting in a few cuts and bruises and a huge fear of all dogs now. I suspect she’s had similar.

Right so you’re saying that because you dislike kids and go to adult-only holiday resorts and stay away from playgrounds, we who dislike dogs shouldn’t be able to go to green spaces so that we can avoid dogs? Avoiding dog-specific spaces makes sense (akin to avoiding playgrounds for someone not keen on children) but avoiding all parks and woodland etc? Sounds fair 🙄

OK, but it doesn't say that the other person can do whatever they want in response to the dog, which is what you were saying previously. They still need to act (objectively) reasonably.

I think you were reasonable, the mum was indeed snippy but I guess she’s had previous experiences where a dog was poorly trained and ran up to her child frightening them .
I walk my dog on lead as I feel he isn’t 100% reliable with recall in some situations .
( What works in a controlled environment won’t necessarily work elsewhere with him as he would go after rabbits and wildlife if he got the scent )
In circumstances where I see a child is visibly frightened , I walk as far away as I am able to .
I usually just talk to the dog as I’m doing so .
Where I see a child is interested but a little bit wary , I reassure them that this particular dog is fine to pet and show them how to do it and even show them how to give a treat appropriately.
My dog is a small to medium dog and has a very cute/ handsome appearance so does attract interested children .