To stop letting my friend’s child come over because he eats so much?

[GazerJame]

My DS (7) has a friend from school who comes over a couple of times a week after school. He’s a sweet boy, very polite, no behaviour issues or anything like that. The boys get on well and it’s honestly nice for DS to have someone to play with. But I’m really starting to dread the visits because of how much he eats.

It’s not just a biscuit and a drink after school. He’ll have two or three snacks straight away, like fruit, crackers, cereal bars, whatever’s in the cupboard, and then still be asking when tea is. I usually do something like pasta or fish fingers and beans, and without fail he’ll ask for seconds, sometimes thirds. Then pudding. Last week he had three bowls of pasta and then asked if we had any cake.

I wouldn’t think much of it once or twice but it’s every single time. It’s starting to feel like he arrives absolutely starving and I honestly don’t know if he’s just got a big appetite or if they’re sending him here expecting me to feed him properly. I’m not being tight, I really don’t mind giving a child food, but it’s getting expensive and it’s just a lot on top of everything else.

I’m tempted to start saying we can’t do weekday playdates anymore because it’s becoming too much. But then I feel bad because he’s only 7 and it’s not his fault. And I don’t want to make DS miss out either.

AIBU to be fed up with it and want to stop the visits for a while? Or do I just need to suck it up and plan for extra food twice a week? I feel awful even writing this but I’m not sure what the right thing is.

"your portion size".

Don't get many people coming round for dinner at yours I imagine.

I would let school know. It maybe he isn't eating his lunch at school, maybe arriving at school hungry. If you can't afford to feed him say you can't have him after school/stay for tea. Personally if I can afford to feed him I would fill him up because it maybe the only time he gets to be full up. Have you approached his parent/guardian with how healthy his appetite is?

you are being used for free childcare and covering nearly 50% of his dinners every single week so id put a stop to that! Send him home for dinner and maybe give a couple of biscuits from cheap range when they get home from school and say that’s it and he doesn’t want to spoil his dinner when he gets home and be FIRM!! Don’t let him go in your cupboard or help himself and if he keeps asking for food say he’d better go home then as he’s clearly ready for his dinner. Put it back onto his own mother to deal with

Just offer healthy food and try to suss out if he is genuinely not getting enough.

As a mother of a kid who would possibly eat 10 portions in a friends house I would urge you to just say no, but I think you need to talk to him first. Casually bring it up about portion sizes and food etc. and see what's really happening.

my DS will always say he is hungry, my heart sinks when a friends parent tells me he kept asking for more so they kept giving him more. I dont want to embarrass him by saying he is greedy, but he is, and worryingly so. Only the other day a nice mum let them make brownies and when I asked if he ate too much she laughed and said he had ate most of the mixture raw. He has no off switch and is prone to gaining weight and it worries me that he will gain more access to food the more independence he gains.

I find the whole of this situation rather strange tbh. So you have a 7 year old child come to your house from school 3 x a week from school and feed them (not just a snack). But you dont appear to know much about his parents/family?
How did this situation occur? I kind of feel like your being taken advantage of but the child's parent. Are you being paid to look after him?

I don't understand why he couldn't eat at home.

Well I'm not offering extrafatfat portions,no.

So the birds don't even come to your house either?!😂 How sad. 🐥🐦🐦🐤

He’s probably starving. Toast and a piece of fruit should do it. Have a meal after he’s picked up. Or suck up the extra cost of some pasta and whatever salad or veg you have with it.

Crackers, cereal bars, put them in another (higher) drawer or cupboard. My guess, he’s not allowed or has no access to them at home.

The kid might be starved/ neglected at home and the people on here are wanting to limit his visits to his friends house because he’s hungry!

I never refused to feed that age group but usually they were invite, didn't just appear unannounced. School dinners weren't always that generous and kids are complete hoovers sometimes. Better than being picky.

One of my daughter's friends came from a poor background (daughter went round to the friend's once and dinner was a cup a soup and a slice of white bread, no wonder the kid devoured everything put in front of her at ours).

In this instance, does the kid get fed properly at school, does your child get invited round there?

Could it be a worming issue? Many kids that age can suffer from worms which will make them ravenous.

Just say no to more food. I don't think cutting visits is necessary.

I don’t get this post. Just say no instead of banning more play dates

I'm with posters who would offer a toast after school. My DS was always starving after school, always, and that was after having either a school lunch or packed lunch.

In your shoes I would offer one snack after he has eaten a toast. I would tell him snacks aren't very healthy and I also wouldn't be feeding him dinners. I would send him home before the dinner time. Does his mum realise he has dinners at your place when he comes after school? Does she pick him up?

If you struggle to set boundaries with him, you can stop weekday playdates all together. Just say your DS needs to do his homework and help with something at home.

If his mum works a lot, she may be using those play dates as free afterschool care.

Garden full of birds, hedgehogs, cats, and dogs.

But none of them are getting three snacks, three bowls of pasta and then demanding cake several times a week, no.

If he doesn't get enough at home that's very sad.

Bananas cost about .15 each, and you can get a large bag of white pasta quite cheaply, make a red sauce for .59 and maybe sliced bread and jam for dessert.

Yes just say no to snacks if you're feeding them a meal as well. Unless they're there all day they shouldn't need a meal plus three snacks. Even if it's 3-7, give them a snack when they come in (fruit or a slide or toast) and then give them dinner at the usual time. If you don't usually give your Dc that many snacks just say no, I did it as a one off before but we don't have snacks before dinner or we only have one snack and then you'll have dinner. In terms of seconds, depending on what it is, it can't really hurt to give him a bit of extra pasta or potatoes or bread can it? It doesn't have to be full seconds or an extra portion of chicken or whatever.

Tell the mom to send the kid with snacks packed lunch etc

As a PP said could it be that your portions are small? I have realised that mine are on the small side.

My DC were starving after school especially if they had a friend over-school dinners are tiny.

Maybe your food is different to what they have at home so they want more?

If you can afford it I would stock up on cheap snacks.

You still haven't said what yours is eating when he's visiting his friend?

Around that age, mine needed a modest "tea" after school to tide them over until dinner and it was easier to do something like toast with eggs or beans than to provide a sucession of small snacks that didn't actually fill them.

I had to take DS1 off school dinners in y6 and sent him with flasks of food as the portion size was the same for all year groups. It didn't touch the sides and he was approaching the cusp of being underweight. Being ravenous after school can be about what the school offers or what the child will sit long enough to eat rather than a deeper parenting issue.

I bet he isn't allowed snacks at home , or you have a nicer variety so he's asking for yours

Give boundaries
Only a piece of toast or a banana before dinner.
Dinner ..make it filling , pasta is great no seconds

I would be soooo upset if my child was being given so much excess food like this. I had no idea a parent could be this way with a child?! It sounds so unhealthy and building terrible habits so I wouldn’t want my child visiting anymore! I’m so surprised you haven’t said ‘no’ to this amount of overeating! I would say ‘Ask your parents if you’re allowed to have second and thirds of pasta/whatever and tell them to let me know.’

what a ridiculous over-reaction