DH should fund the house renovations even though we are separated

[Pinklollypopp]

In December last year, we purchased a house that needed a complete revamp. Our initial plan was to rent a friend's house for 3 months whilst the renovations were completed but this fell though and we ended up moving straight into our new home.

Our initial builder let us down so DH hired someone to complete the kitchen whilst our initial builder has some capacity to do the work. The kitchen fitter had taken almost 5 weeks to complete the job. He had taken one another job and was only turning up twice a week in the afternoon, also the company who designed our kitchen made a number of mistakes so had to redo a few parts of the kitchen.

All the aggravation of have no kitchen but a strain on our marriage, and as the SAHP I felt particularly annoyed that I couldnt cook a simple meal for weeks.
After the kitchen was finished DH told me he wanted no more involvement in the refurbishment, claiming I was taking out my anger on him for the delays to kitchen and that I would continue to blame him for any further delays.

As a result, we continued to argue for a few weeks and he decided to move out, and our relationship has progressively deteriorated and we are now separated.

Since then, nothing has happened to the house. We have a full working kitchen but nothing else. I want DH to fund the refurbishment work as several estate agents estimate it will considerably increase the property's value.

DH says he just wants to sell the house as is. AIBU to ask him to fund this. I have no other assets or savings.
I am on the deeds of the house but only as part owner, however he has previously promised to share the proceeds equally with me.

i agree with your dh

sell the house, refurbishment of that cost is going to take years not months

Your request is a total piss take. If there is zero chance of reconciliation, sell up and split the proceeds as the house is now.

Sell the house, your husband hasn't got to fund the refurbishment.

Selling the house is the only solution here

I don’t agree dh should spend £200,000 whilst also having to pay for somewhere to live

It also seems you can’t deal with the disruption do time to sell

It would be daft to do that. Renovation time, money and stress plus divorce = disaster
Better to sell the house and have it done with.

You’re separated. The marriage is probably over. Why the hell should he spend another penny on the house?

So while the refurbishment is ongoing who lives there and who pays the mortgage if there is one?

Sounds like you’re taking the piss, and if a short renovation ended your marriage I can understand why he doesn’t want to continue with even longer renovations, let alone fund them.

Sell the house, if your relationship couldn't handle fitting a kitchen it won't cope with even more stress of refurbishment especially if has deteriorated since.

You either need to fund the rest of the referral or sell it as it is you have not got each other‘s best interests at heart anymore. He is no longer your friend and you are no longer his.

5 weeks isn't excessive for a kitchen refurb ours took 4 earlier this year. Yes it was stressful but not sure why that was your husband's fault.
Sell it as is and move on.

Agree with your husband here sorry OP. If you want it done then fund it yourself, if you can’t then it’s time to sell up.

This house has destroyed yoir marriage, why on earth would you continue with rennovations. Get rid of it now, cut your losses and move on with your lives

Madness. Sell the house, even if it’s to avoid living in a building site for a year.

Depends if you spend out on it will it significantly increase in value?

Makes no sense for your H to fund further refurb, nor for you to expect it.
your marriage sounds like it wasn’t very robust if it failed to withstand the pressures of renovation. I think you’d both be best served either seeing if your relationship can be salvaged, or finding the best route for going your separate ways.

I don’t get why you took your anger out on him. But he’s right, time to sell the house

Why on earth should he pay for it because you are a woman? Again a man in not a cash machine

Also more must be going on here, it seem odd to divorce over a kitchen refit You must have been prepared for expense and disruption.

We lived with no barhroom for 4 weeks as we could not afford to move out. Yes living in dust and chaos, washing standing up by the kitchen sink and going to the loo in bare pan in an empty shell of a bathroom was not great. But we survived and more importantly so did our relationship.

I assume he would re-coup the cost of the reno from the selling price, so the amount you gain would probably be small anyway. Is he also paying all the bills now although he's not living there, if so he should get that money back from the sale too, it's not fair you get the benefit. Just sell it and move on.

I mean you can ask him.

but he has every right to say no and honestly in his situation I would. Renovations are very stressful even in the best circumstances.

Why can't you pay half of the costs to finish it?

You have no assets or savings but you work so can get a loan or pay for materials by credit card?

Op, I mean this politely but you can’t be serious. Of course he shouldn’t refurb the house. Good grief. I assume you plan to live there whilst it goes on, giving you longer in the property, is that the goal? To delay selling?

It says in the OP she doesn’t have a job, assets or savings. And it wouldn’t make a difference if he didn’t want to pay the other half anyway.

He’s not unreasonable to want to sell the house and move on quickly. You are naive to think that he would fund the renovations so you would benefit financially. It sounds like you’re very angry at each other and renovations would mean months of him living where he is now when he’d presumably prefer buying his own place.
Can you move out and he moves back in? He might be more willing to pay if he’s not paying the mortgage for you. As it’s acrimonious, this will be a consideration for him.
If the kitchen renovation stressed you out, I can see why he’d doesn’t want to risk further renovation arguments with you. A lot of people would suck up the money that they could have made in favour of a quiet life.

Agree with DH.

It hard to understand why your marriage fell apart because you couldn't cook a simple meal for a few weeks. Or why you couldn't cook a simple meal, come to that.

We were without a kitchen for a similar amount of time. I set up a "kitchen area" in the living room, with kettle, toaster, microwave and a single plug-in hob. It was a juggling act to be fair, had to move kettle and toaster in the evening to plug in the single hob, then move the hob after dinner, but we coped. I cooked a lot of stir fries on the hob - similar to what we would have anyway. It was a faff, not saying it was simple, but there must have been issues with your relationship prior to this.

But going forward, if the marriage is dead, then sell-up and find somewhere for you and your DC as soon as possible so they have a decent home life amid the trauma of their parents separating.