DH should fund the house renovations even though we are separated

[Pinklollypopp]

In December last year, we purchased a house that needed a complete revamp. Our initial plan was to rent a friend's house for 3 months whilst the renovations were completed but this fell though and we ended up moving straight into our new home.

Our initial builder let us down so DH hired someone to complete the kitchen whilst our initial builder has some capacity to do the work. The kitchen fitter had taken almost 5 weeks to complete the job. He had taken one another job and was only turning up twice a week in the afternoon, also the company who designed our kitchen made a number of mistakes so had to redo a few parts of the kitchen.

All the aggravation of have no kitchen but a strain on our marriage, and as the SAHP I felt particularly annoyed that I couldnt cook a simple meal for weeks.
After the kitchen was finished DH told me he wanted no more involvement in the refurbishment, claiming I was taking out my anger on him for the delays to kitchen and that I would continue to blame him for any further delays.

As a result, we continued to argue for a few weeks and he decided to move out, and our relationship has progressively deteriorated and we are now separated.

Since then, nothing has happened to the house. We have a full working kitchen but nothing else. I want DH to fund the refurbishment work as several estate agents estimate it will considerably increase the property's value.

DH says he just wants to sell the house as is. AIBU to ask him to fund this. I have no other assets or savings.
I am on the deeds of the house but only as part owner, however he has previously promised to share the proceeds equally with me.

Why weren’t you firmer with the builder OP, given your strength of view on the matter and the fact you’re at home?

you sound incredibly entitled from your posts tbh

Batshit request.

I’m not surprised that the marriage failed to be honest. You sound unreasonable.

He’d be very wise to sell, take the percentage he invested and run!

So you want him to spend x000's so your 20% is worth more? you are absolutely deluded.

Sounds like he has dodged a bullet.

You can’t be serious that he should pay for renovations after you’ve separated surely?

Sensible man. You bit the hand that fed you and your two kids over an issue you could have tackled yourself.

Where are you all living at the moment?

Hang on. I’ve just re read this. He worked to enable you to stay home with two children that aren’t even his?!?!

Why on earth did you buy a house that needed so much work ie money? Crazy

I'm sure there was a thread about this situation before. Renovation costs had soared out of control. Unreasonable then, still unreasonable now

Yes, there’s no winners here. The children being supported were not even his either. Quite shocking really how short the timeline is from purchase through to split.

What the actual?! Entitled princess ahoy!👸

OP you aren’t coming across very well here are you?

Yabu...very much so.

He has no children with you so a clean break as quickly as possible makes sense.

I don't understand why he would plow money into renovations ...he clearly isn't bothered about maximizing higher price potential for the house, and since you cant afford to, you need to put it on the market in its current state. Even if you just get back what you put in at least you can both have a fresh start.

Any particular reason why YOU couldn’t have been ‘firmer’ with the builder??

Sell and move on. He isn't going to put a penny more in now he isn't living there

Agreed. The mind boggles at how unpleasant OP’s “annoyance” must have been for him to leave over it.

OP let me check I’ve got this straight. This man funded the majority of the house purchase, was fully paying for the renovations, was financially supporting you and your children from a previous relationship to the extent that you didn’t need to go to work - and yet you also expected him to manage the kitchen renovations even though you were the one at home? And you were angry with him because they took too long and you didn’t have anywhere to cook whilst they were going on?

This has got to be a reverse!

fund it yourself

I mean you could’ve been firmer with the builder…seeing as he was doing everything else

just sell up and move on. I understand the urge to maximise profits but it’s his money and he’s not interested.
it’s not a deal for him he has to manage and pay for big project, for house he’s not even living in and that ended his marriage.

Yabvu

He was paying for you to be a SAHM to children that weren't his?
Could you not have dealt with the builder?

I am very confused.

Oh, yes, that would make more sense.
Reverse threads are so annoying and pointless

Get a job, sell the house as is, find a new place to live, and move on with your life.

This is in response to @PinkyFlamingo : Why on earth did you buy a house that needed so much work ie money? Crazy

It might be the ex thought project managing the house renovations would effectively be the OP’s job. £200,000 of renovations could result in (for example) a £500,000 increase in value, all tax free as the principle private residence. I know a couple who have done 3 houses this way (husband provides the cash, wife does the work) and they’ve made an absolute fortune. Having said that, the wife in question worked hard - project managing a big renovation is neither easy nor something that can be done in an hour here and there.

Once he realised that wasn’t what the OP had in mind, the STBX seems to have taken fright and left.

I feel like some of this story sounds really familiar from a thread a while ago, so I don't think it is a revese. I feel like I've read some of this before!