DH should fund the house renovations even though we are separated

[Pinklollypopp]

In December last year, we purchased a house that needed a complete revamp. Our initial plan was to rent a friend's house for 3 months whilst the renovations were completed but this fell though and we ended up moving straight into our new home.

Our initial builder let us down so DH hired someone to complete the kitchen whilst our initial builder has some capacity to do the work. The kitchen fitter had taken almost 5 weeks to complete the job. He had taken one another job and was only turning up twice a week in the afternoon, also the company who designed our kitchen made a number of mistakes so had to redo a few parts of the kitchen.

All the aggravation of have no kitchen but a strain on our marriage, and as the SAHP I felt particularly annoyed that I couldnt cook a simple meal for weeks.
After the kitchen was finished DH told me he wanted no more involvement in the refurbishment, claiming I was taking out my anger on him for the delays to kitchen and that I would continue to blame him for any further delays.

As a result, we continued to argue for a few weeks and he decided to move out, and our relationship has progressively deteriorated and we are now separated.

Since then, nothing has happened to the house. We have a full working kitchen but nothing else. I want DH to fund the refurbishment work as several estate agents estimate it will considerably increase the property's value.

DH says he just wants to sell the house as is. AIBU to ask him to fund this. I have no other assets or savings.
I am on the deeds of the house but only as part owner, however he has previously promised to share the proceeds equally with me.

There’s also no guarantee it will sell for what the estate agents estimate. Just because they think it will add £300-400k on the value, there is no way of being sure of that. So your DH will spend £250k on the refurb (it always go over budget) and it actually only increases the house value by £200k by the time it goes on the market. Your DH would be extremely foolish to throw such a huge sum of cash at a house that’s going to be sold pretty much immediately.

Yabu here. Selling and splitting the proceeds is the way forward.

Were there other issues within the marriage or was it just the refurb that caused issues? Is your marriage fixable?

It does sound dramatic that you couldn’t cook simple meals so the stress was on you. We did a fill refurb ourselves and had to damp proof and used a slower cooker, microwave and camping stove get up in another room and washed up in the bath. Not ideal but it’s part of buying a fixer upper.

I would sell and not invest in the refurb to that level. If you can’t cope without a kitchen you won’t cope with that level of work. Plus it’s always quite a bit more, it always goes on for longer and is more stressful and messy than it should be.
Is selling this house and a fresh start with your DH in another house a consideration?

YAB-VERY-U!

Im not at all understanding why DH who’s already moved out should continue to fund further renovations on a house marked for imminent sale. You sound very entitled 😑.

How can it be sold more quickly after refurbishment? It could be sold tomorrow, as is. For less money, certainly, but why should he wait?

It doesn’t make any sense for the STBexH to fund any of it as it is likely to lose him significant sums of money and time and especially when the op doesn’t appear to be able to cope with living in a building site for even a few weeks.

Sounds like it would have minimal benefits for him so I wouldn't do it in his shoes.

Hes not your personal bank op want it done do it and pay for it your self.

Sell the house, it will take much longer if you finish the refurbishment and DH shouldn’t have to fund it whilst presumably having to find somewhere else to live in the meantime.

After the kitchen was finished DH told me he wanted no more involvement in the refurbishment, claiming I was taking out my anger on him for the delays to kitchen and that I would continue to blame him for any further delays.
As a result, we continued to argue for a few weeks and he decided to move out, and our relationship has progressively deteriorated and we are now separated.

Reading between the lines he is lucky to be out of this marriage and the sooner the house is sold 'as is' the happier everyone will be.

Heartbreaking for the children.

You have two choices OP. Sell it as is or do the redecorating yourself.

I agree with your DH, if you can't manage to refurb a kitchen without separating, then put it back on the market and get rid of it.

Why should he pay for the renovations if he isn't even living there? Just sell, split the proceeds and go your separate ways. It will be quicker, cleaner, involve far fewer arguments and a lot less stress..

Sell it and split it or it will wind on for years

This!

If the refurb improves the value of the house by £200k, then OP is no better off because DH would need to have that outlay repaid before splitting the proceeds.

Exactly. If you force him into paying for the refurb, there's no way he's going to let you have half the post-renovation value of the place when it's sold @Pinklollypopp and nor should he. You'd be absolutely taking the piss.
In fact he'd be so annoyed that he'd be likely to be a lot more difficult over the financial split, than he will be if you let him get rid of the place (which has now become a millstone) as quickly as possible.

I think DH would argue he’d benefit more so if he can just get the house sold and proceeds asap least of all because he’s having to fund alternative accommodation since they split. Of course OP wants him to continue funding additional refurbs prior to a potentially more profitable house sale since she said he’s promised her equal proceeds 🙄.

Waiting for the mother of all drip feeds to try and justify the OPs demand.

OP has left the building...

The house has immense potential for us as we were able to purchase it for a relatively low price. All EAs have provided the same estimates and I know the area very well. We could do very well financially if we were to refurb and resell.

We hsve been married for 2 years and we were a couple for over a year before our marriage. There are 2 children- mine, he is the step father.

I own 20% of the house, the rest is owned by him .

His version is that I became annoyed at the lack of a kitchen and took it out of him; my version is that Insinply asked him to be firmer with the builder and he'd called me a named in return.

Don’t you think your marriage/relationship was unfathomably weak to split up over house renovations after only 3yrs together? Why did you go through such an enormous project when you were on such shaky ground? Sell the house and focus on your poor children.

If you only own 20% of the property that’s all you’d be getting if I was in your DH’s position. If he was foolish enough to put 200k into the property to finish the renovations before you sell, surely the 200k extra investment would be on top of his 80%. I think you’d end up worse off tbh. You need to sell the house and find a job.

He would be even more daft to do the renovations after your update. He’s supporting you and your kids finally and you want him to carry on doing that and pay for the renovations? Crazy. You were both foolish to take on such a big project in such a short shaky marriage

OP, you have come across quite able to state what you want. Could you have not been firmer with the builder yourself?

You have been married for 2 years, known him for 3. He agreed to work and fund you to enable you to be a SAHM to your children?. My god, he was a keeper from my point of view. And then you are home all day but nag him to deal with the builder.

It's probably not that straightforward, but from what you have said I can see why he walked away. He may have called you an inappropriate name, which was not a nice thing to do, but I do have sympathy for him.

Well, whoever is to blame, it sounds like splitting up is the best thing all round and no joint children to worry about. So 🎉.

Not going ahead with the renovation is certainly best for him and likely best for you, given how hard you found the kitchen.

This really is a no-brainer, just be grateful this happened early before there were joint children. In a short period of time you will be away from this man who you feel has treated you badly and able to live a life full of house renovation work without someone else impeding it!

He agreed to work and fund you to enable you to be a SAHM to your children?. My god, he was a keeper from my point of view. And then you are home all day but nag him to deal with the builder.

✔️🤯

Taking on a renovation that big is a real test of your couple. I think given you have separated; you can’t ask him to complete it now. Can you borrow to finish the work; or do it yourself??? However that would also benefit him when you come to sell…
i don’t think you have much choice but to sell and move on - you can do a renovation yourself on the next one.

It is stressful. We are 9 years into a big renovation and it’s been testing!! I can see why you’d separate. Is there any chance of reconciliation on the cards??? I personally think often just doing things yourself is easier rather than rely on useless tradesmen that don’t turn up etc. If there is any hope of you getting back together, you could say give it 6 months, do all the basic decorating yourselves and then him move back in and see where you are then. Not easy. Lots of luck to you x