DH should fund the house renovations even though we are separated

[Pinklollypopp]

In December last year, we purchased a house that needed a complete revamp. Our initial plan was to rent a friend's house for 3 months whilst the renovations were completed but this fell though and we ended up moving straight into our new home.

Our initial builder let us down so DH hired someone to complete the kitchen whilst our initial builder has some capacity to do the work. The kitchen fitter had taken almost 5 weeks to complete the job. He had taken one another job and was only turning up twice a week in the afternoon, also the company who designed our kitchen made a number of mistakes so had to redo a few parts of the kitchen.

All the aggravation of have no kitchen but a strain on our marriage, and as the SAHP I felt particularly annoyed that I couldnt cook a simple meal for weeks.
After the kitchen was finished DH told me he wanted no more involvement in the refurbishment, claiming I was taking out my anger on him for the delays to kitchen and that I would continue to blame him for any further delays.

As a result, we continued to argue for a few weeks and he decided to move out, and our relationship has progressively deteriorated and we are now separated.

Since then, nothing has happened to the house. We have a full working kitchen but nothing else. I want DH to fund the refurbishment work as several estate agents estimate it will considerably increase the property's value.

DH says he just wants to sell the house as is. AIBU to ask him to fund this. I have no other assets or savings.
I am on the deeds of the house but only as part owner, however he has previously promised to share the proceeds equally with me.

No, he shouldn’t fund the refurbishment. Why would he?
How long have you been married, how old are your children?
I believe the starting point is 50/50 division of marital assets, doesn’t matter who’s on the deeds. I would book an initial consultation with a solicitor to get advice.

It really makes no sense for him to fund the renovation. Sure, he can spend 100K on renovating and potentially get 100K once you sell, but half of that would go to you so he would just be worse off whilst you will be better off without investing any money of your own.

Why did you edit the post to remove the value of £200k? The value is important here - £200k isn't the same as £50k.

What are you bringing to the proposal? Money? Time?

It sounds very stressful, but I am afraid I agree with your husband. Unless you want to do a deal where whatever he spends from now to the refurbishment he gets back when the house is sold in addition to whatever split of the house you expect.

It would soon exceed £200 000 - they always seem to. Sell and go your separate ways.

If your marriage couldn’t survive a kitchen renovation and your behaviour was so unreasonable he moved out, there’s no way he’s going to renovate the whole house. Why should he?
YABVU. Sell the house and divorce. If you want someone to renovate a house to your spec, find a rich man and be nicer to him.

”I felt particularly annoyed that I couldnt cook a simple meal for weeks”

Of course you could - don’t be so ridiculous. You’re exaggerating wildly. Many of us have been without a kitchen, managed to cook for the family and washed up in the bath/sink - it’s not ideal, but doesn’t last forever. And the kitchen was finished in the end. You’ve thrown your marriage away over such a trivial issue? It’s unbelievable. Your poor children.

You sound like hard work...

Of course the sensible solution is to sell the house.

Why on earth should he pay to renovate a house he will no longer live in and when you have separated?

Or if you want to stay in that house you should buy him out and then fund the refurbishment yourself.

Your marriage couldn't have been that great to start with.

Agree with your DH. Sell up and move on.

Its not the main focus but your marriage can’t have been that strong if a delayed kitchen sends it down the drain.

5 weeks is about what a kitchen refit takes though? Ours was about 6 weeks with the whole thing being completely ripped out back to the walls and start from scratch. The floor tiling took about a week as I remember. Like PP, we had a microwave in the living room and had a lot of of deliveries/meals out. It’s a faff for a few weeks, but really shouldn’t be marriage ending unless you already had problems.

If you can’t cope with a kitchen OP, no way will you manage with a full house refurb, I can’t imagine trying to choose bathroom taps with someone I was divorcing. DH and I are currently having the garden landscaped (6 weeks) and took a good couple of weeks to find patio tiles we both liked. Best to cut your losses, sell as it is and move on. I’m not sure you went into a house refurb understanding quite what it entails.

My God, I had no kitchen for SIX months because they had to knock down the kitchen to build the extension to house the new kitchen. Yes it’s a pain in the arse (especially as we have five DCs) but it’s not marriage ending!

You just have to accept that the stress of renovation is the price you pay for a nice new kitchen! Can you not work on your marriage?

We moved into a house that needed a bit of work and on day three the bath fell through to the kitchen.
We’ve not had a kitchen or much of a Bathroom for the last three years because that really wasn’t in the budget and mortgage rates went up. None of us have died and we’re still together.
This is not insurmountable

What if he pays £200k for the refurbishment and then a judge orders as part of the divorce that you get to stay in the house for...the next 10 years? You have a beautiful house and he has a big fat debt with no benefit for 10 years. Or the order is that the house is upset by his pension. Again, you get a beautiful house and he doesn't get any benefits from it until he retires. He's be foolish to agree to it.

Looks like the OP was edited to remove that the estimated Reno cost is £200k? As per PP, that will end up over £300k, with no benefit to DH. In fact, he might lose £150k to the OP.
Time to get shot of the house and move on.

You edited the post to remove the figures but your post history is viewable by all btw.

Its an important factor in how unreasonable you are being tbh

If I was him, I wouldn’t be funding anything further. Sell the house and move on with your lives, surely the house has caused enough stress and upset! He just wants out - sensible man. Why on earth would he fund the reno on his own when he will more than likely then have to pay you more money (as the house will be worth more)…? Confused as to why you think that’s something a sane person would do..

Because it will sell more quickly for more money, so he'd benefit too.

What price is sanity worth? Maybe you’d suffer through it for a bit more money, I’d cut my losses.

It’ll probably take another 2 years for the refurb to be completed, he’ll have spent like 250k for the renovation which might have been funded by loans in his name, been paying mortgage on the house he’s not living in and maybe rent on where he’s living now just to sell so OP can get half of it when he’ll be lumbered with debts, etc.
He’ll be stupid to fund it.
Infact, I can see why he wants to cut his losses with OP’s reasoning. If 5 weeks of kitchen renovation is all it took for you to break your marriage, imagine what actual full refurbishment will do to it.

I presume the house was price accordingly? If so sell it as is. You could ask him to fund the refurbishment, but how would you feel if he then took 100% of the equity over and above what its value is at this moment? If your happy with this, then put that forward to him

Full refurb - let's say 10 months at best.

He is paying mortgage for 10 months plus funding a £200K refurb. Then it goes on the market and sells quickly but can that can still take 4 months start to finish if there is a chain.

Or

Put it on the market now. Even if it takes a year to sell, it's the same timescale and he hasn't spent £200k.

If the refurb improves the value of the house by £200k, then OP is no better off because DH would need to have that outlay repaid before splitting the proceeds.

Just sell. If your marriage is ending, trying to coordinate renovations and work for another year before you can properly sort a divorce will be hideous. Plus you’ll have to live with the work. It’s bad enough living in a building site when you are going to feel the benefit, this will be for someone new to enjoy.

And obviously, you don’t cope well with living in a building site, in that doing it so far has broken your marriage. Why would you put your mental health and your children through that?

You asked, he said no. Get it sold. He'll stop paying on the mortgage or something if this goes on.

Does it matter who "pays"? You're married, the money will be divvied up going forward anyway? And the starting point is 50%?

Get it sold, buy somewhere with a bathroom and kitchen.

I'm sorry it's all come to this.