DH should fund the house renovations even though we are separated

[Pinklollypopp]

In December last year, we purchased a house that needed a complete revamp. Our initial plan was to rent a friend's house for 3 months whilst the renovations were completed but this fell though and we ended up moving straight into our new home.

Our initial builder let us down so DH hired someone to complete the kitchen whilst our initial builder has some capacity to do the work. The kitchen fitter had taken almost 5 weeks to complete the job. He had taken one another job and was only turning up twice a week in the afternoon, also the company who designed our kitchen made a number of mistakes so had to redo a few parts of the kitchen.

All the aggravation of have no kitchen but a strain on our marriage, and as the SAHP I felt particularly annoyed that I couldnt cook a simple meal for weeks.
After the kitchen was finished DH told me he wanted no more involvement in the refurbishment, claiming I was taking out my anger on him for the delays to kitchen and that I would continue to blame him for any further delays.

As a result, we continued to argue for a few weeks and he decided to move out, and our relationship has progressively deteriorated and we are now separated.

Since then, nothing has happened to the house. We have a full working kitchen but nothing else. I want DH to fund the refurbishment work as several estate agents estimate it will considerably increase the property's value.

DH says he just wants to sell the house as is. AIBU to ask him to fund this. I have no other assets or savings.
I am on the deeds of the house but only as part owner, however he has previously promised to share the proceeds equally with me.

There was a thread where the husband was getting concerned about how a renovation project had gone way over budget. Particularly the kitchen. The poster said it wasn't her fault because the kitchen designers kept adding things to the design that she didn't realise she had to have.

A lot of people pointed out that's what kitchen designers do, but at the end of the day your budget is your budget and you don't HAVE to agree to a smart cutlery draw that opens automatically when you take the lid off the coffee jar. (I exaggerated the last bit).

It's similar, but I don't think it's the same poster.

Well now. You bave been marroed for just two years, that is generally classed as a "short marriage" and the approach with those on dovorce is to generally to return each party to the financial position they were in before the marriage. Given your childreb aren't his, I don't think there would be any obligation on him for child support

So I can see why he has no desire or incentive to continue to fund the renovations.

Also yo be a bit judgey for a moment, I am astonished you are both throwing in the towel after such a small bump in the road. I am not even married to my partner and over the years we have weatherd family deaths, illness, job loss, home renovations and various other challenges. No one should stay in a relationship that is not working but put a bit of effort in FGS.

Sell it as it is. Doesn't make sense for him to fund it.

I would be asking how urgent the work is given you have said it needs a "revamp" which can mean anything from structural work to repainting the walls to replacing the carpet.
In all honesty though, your main priority should be your marriage and what you are going to do about money if you go down the divorce route. I can't imagine it's going to be fun renovating a house with someone you don't currently have a great relationship with given the house started the split. I think he's right to not want to throw more money at the situation, especially if he's going to have to fund two households.

This is what I was thinking too.
Most people will go through far worse than a delayed kitchen installation during their marriage without turning on each other.

Huh? You’re a SAHP, why weren’t you the one that was firmer with the builder. Why did you address it while they were there? Call them when they weren’t? Why is it your husband’s job to do that?

I completely agree with your DP and the others who’ve shared similar views. There’s no real benefit for him in agreeing to your request, and for peace of mind, saying no is the only reasonable response. I genuinely struggle to understand how a house renovation ended up damaging your marriage so deeply. I hope you're both able to reflect on this experience and carry forward any lessons into future relationships.

Unbelievable that something so simple can break a marriage so quickly!
there has to be more to it than not being able to accept that a full kitchen revamp won’t be quick and that you can’t produce simple meals whilst its being done?

sell now, accept your 20%, and both move on. You both have learnt a lesson from this

You both have learnt a lesson from this

Sadly, I fear his lesson will remove him from the potential LTR pool. An obviously good man scared off future commitment. 😡