Was the ‘race card’ pulled??

[Glittercloud17]

So just got back from vacation. At the airport, my daughter and I were queuing for passport control when a girl/teen pushed past in front of us. 5 seconds later I heard a lady say to me “excuse me, we just want to join our niece” pointing to the girl who’d pushed in. Without focusing too much attention on her or the family, but seeing an additional 3 people (another teen and two women) I said “sorry, but that girl just shoved in, so maybe it’s better she joins you instead” (meaning the 1 girl who’d pushed in should join her family behind my daughter and I, and not the whole family move in front of my daughter and I.

The lady said “oh, I don’t think she pushed in, darling” in a clearly sarcastic tone, but I didn’t reply as the girl/teen then walked back to join her aunt behind us.

Then I heard the woman say to the girl “you know exactly why she thinks she needs to be in front of us, this is another example”. At this stage I assume she meant I felt entitled to say this because they were a family of colour! So instead of pulling up the teen for pushing past us, the adult put the responsibility of this situation on me, insinuating I was bullying them for racially motivated reasons!!

It hadn’t even crossed my mind that they were black/white/asian whatever family! Only that a person had pushed past my daughter and I and the family felt they then had a right to go in front.

Comments continued among the adults in the family to the teens around how this was another example why the teenagers had to be more assertive “in this world” and that I, “the lady” was in the wrong.

I didn’t react, or say anything as I didn’t want to escalate something that clearly wasn’t there, and continued to look in front (not in their direction) or be accused of anything especially in an airport with a flight to catch! Later after passport control, I was standing talking to my daughter when the other adult (who I hadn’t looked at previously) violently pushed into my back as they walked past. I was very shocked by this (again I brushed this off).

People who have genuinely experienced racism - was I unreasonable, and were they justified to jump to this conclusion? I understand there’s a long, complex history around race, but I am not aware, at least on a conscious level, of discriminating against anyone like this??

Exactly! It's not about race.

I take it you will ask for that, on every single AIBU thread. You're going to be a busy bee.

No, as I have posted a couple of times, what it seems the OP was trying to convey was whether people had used a false accusation of racism to deflect from their own or others’ poor behaviour. That’s the phenomenon that we’re apparently not allowed to admit might exist, and for which a word or phrase cannot (whatever it might be) be used for it… it’s like it’s the Left’s very own Lord Voldemort!

Because it is a more common phenomenon than you care to admit

What are you basing this on? I've never been accused of racism in my life, I also can't recall an instance of witnessing someone else being accused of racism unless they actually said or did something that was blatantly racist.

I’m always amazed at how we can’t talk about racism without people becoming so sensitive about the minutiae, like immediate cut offs. Im genuinely confused by this

But you haven't started a thread about racism. You've started a thread about your experience of being falsely accused of racism, or rather your belie that you have been falsely accused of racism, since race was not mentioned during the incident. Interestingly, when anyone on MN does start a thread about their own experience of racism, there are always multiple posters falling over themselves to excuse, explain away or minimise their experience.

Also, no one has attempted to 'cut you off' or told you that you're not allowed to talk about racism. A few people have simply attempted to explain to you why the phrase "pulling the race card" is offensive. You've also had lots of supportive posts from people reassuring you that you've done nothing wrong and that the pushing in family are twats and dickheads.

Exactly, so when someone deflects from the action by trying to make it about racism, they’re playing with and abusing the word “racism”, and so “playing the race card” is an apt description.

Oh I see. And because many people use that expression it suddenly becomes OK does it? Don't be so ridiculous- it's an offensive term and both you and op are being racist by using that terminology.

I've never witnessed anyone be a victim of racism, doesn't mean I deny it's existence.

For the person playing, playing the race card. Yes 🤣

No, because we’re in a country where riots are started by lies that a killer was of a certain religion.

So sue me if I look at these complaints of people ‘pulling the race card’ with skepticism.

Realistically, what else could she have meant talking about a person she didn’t know?

@gannett

The concept of "the race card" is itself deeply racist

I’m not sure how concept that someone might choose to gaslight someone by falsely accusing them of racism to deflect from their or others’ poor behaviour is “deeply racist”, unless you believe that people of colour haven’t evolved to have moral agency and aren’t capable of doing both good and bad…. which itself would be an extraordinarily racist thing to believe.

I believe that people of colour, like white people, as human beings have full moral agency and are capable of good and bad.

Like their white counterparts, some will act in bad faith and gaslight others for their own advantage (with false accusations of racism being one way of doing that) . Please stop infantising and dehumanising people of colour by presuming that they can’t - it’s disgusting and very racist.

I’m concerned about the lack of willingness of people on this thread to acknowledge any potential influence of subconscious racism. We all suffer from this. It doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you a human person in a racist society. This quote I think is really helpful.

"The problem is that white people see racism as conscious hate, when racism is bigger than that. Racism is a complex system of social and political levers and pulleys set up generations ago to continue working on the behalf of whites at other people's expense, whether whites know/like it or not. Racism is an insidious cultural disease. It is so insidious that it doesn't care if you are a white person who likes Black people; it's still going to find a way to infect how you deal with people who don't look like you. Yes, racism looks like hate, but hate is just one manifestation. Privilege is another. Access is another. Ignorance is another. Apathy is another. And so on. So while I agree with people who say no one is born racist, it remains a powerful system that we're immediately born into. It's like being born into air: you take it in as soon as you breathe. It's not a cold that you can get over. There is no anti-racist certification class. It's a set of socioeconomic traps and cultural values that are fired up every time we interact with the world. It is a thing you have to keep scooping out of the boat of your life to keep from drowning in it. I know it's hard work, but it's the price you pay for owning everything."
-Scott Woods

They could have been talking about anything. Conflicts happen all the time. People say all sorts in these type of situation.

I didn't automatically assume that the comment was about race. Maybe she thought OP had a superior attitude.
Snotty? Above others? OP came to the conclusion that it was race related.

As someone that's experienced racism multiple times in their life, YANBU.

You were not unreasonable in your actions. You are VVVU to use the phrase 'race card' which in my (white) opinion is an incredibly racist phrase.

A better way to have phrased it would be to ask 'was this woman implying I am a racist?' And it sounds like she was.

obviously not when calling out actual misogyny. But that’s not what PP is saying. Maybe if for example, a woman hit a man, he pushed her back and she said she’s just a small vulnerable woman and he’s a big misogynist. That would be an example of “the sexist card”, and I’d be fine for it to be used in that situation. It’s when it’s used to minimise ACTUAL issues

The term "playing [whatever] card" is based on the idea of "gaming" the system, i.e. using whatever the something is to gain an advantage. So race card, sexism card, disability card etc are all valid phrases in this context - cards which can be played in a game.

I've been accused of "playing the disability card" in the past, e.g. I can't attend away days at work due to travel, seating, being able to get up & move about etc, but have been told I'm playing the disability card to get out of going, or playing it to get out of carrying heavy items at work. However what I don't do is use my mobility disability as a reason why I can't do certain non physically related tasks, as one person I knew in the past did - on the lines of a lower body mobility issues meant they "couldn't" do certain boring spreadsheet data entry, even though they could do more interesting work.

I've also seen the "race card" used in the past. One place I worked the admin for another team had low performance, but if this was ever raised in reports or by his bosses he would scream racism and it would be dropped. I can assure you that it WAS low output and poor performance, as when the 2 teams were merged and I took over his job as well as my own, it took me about 3-4 hours a week to complete the tasks he'd taken all week to do. This was once I'd had to clear up a load of mistakes & mis-filings he'd made of course. Or was that unconscious racist bias on my part thinking that, as some posters have implied above?

Unfortunately a small minority of people will use whatever differences they have to try to accuse others of bias, as an excuse for behaviours or failures. In some of these cases it may have been a factor, but often not the root cause e.g. there is still plenty of unconscious bias against women in STEM subjects, but that's no excuse not getting a job because your exam results are crap.

Good fucking lord. Racism is “prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against a person or people on the basis of their membership in a particular racial or ethnic group, typically one that is a minority or marginalized.”

The term is generally thought to be used by people who minimise racist behaviour, which is why many think it has racist connotations, however that doesn’t make the actual term in itself racist. The term in itself describes a situation where someone of a marginalised ethnicity is calling a person or act racist even though there is nothing to suggest that. Which of course happens.

We can’t call everything racist/sexist/xenopobic/homophobic just because it involves someone who fits into these

Quite right

I'm still waiting for someone to tell me how "unconscious bias" made me treat the black teen who was spitballing in my lesson unfairly when I moved him. As opposed to him being treated in accordance with his behaviour.

The title of this thread speaks volumes in itself. I’d be interested to see your take on “genuine racism” situation since you see race as a card to be played…

Sounds to me that the aunt genuinely believed her niece didn’t push in, hence her comments to her niece. The context of what you have told us they said afterwards doesn’t make sense for a family just trying to push in.

So would any reasonable person, but surely not in front if one had pushed in. Most of us still adhere to unspoken rules around queueing.

based on the idea of "gaming" the system, i.e. using whatever the something is to gain an advantage. So race card, sexism card, disability card etc are all valid phrases in this context - cards which can be played in a game.

no no no no. That would imply that racism is a system that racialised minorities are able to manipulate and “cheat” to their advantage. This is a complete misunderstanding and denial of what racism as a system is/ does.

Is the thread now going to be a free for all?

When a white woman called me a ‘fucking animal’ for not letting her push me in front of me in a queue, I didn’t see it as an excuse to tar white people as white privilege enforcers.