Was the ‘race card’ pulled??

[Glittercloud17]

So just got back from vacation. At the airport, my daughter and I were queuing for passport control when a girl/teen pushed past in front of us. 5 seconds later I heard a lady say to me “excuse me, we just want to join our niece” pointing to the girl who’d pushed in. Without focusing too much attention on her or the family, but seeing an additional 3 people (another teen and two women) I said “sorry, but that girl just shoved in, so maybe it’s better she joins you instead” (meaning the 1 girl who’d pushed in should join her family behind my daughter and I, and not the whole family move in front of my daughter and I.

The lady said “oh, I don’t think she pushed in, darling” in a clearly sarcastic tone, but I didn’t reply as the girl/teen then walked back to join her aunt behind us.

Then I heard the woman say to the girl “you know exactly why she thinks she needs to be in front of us, this is another example”. At this stage I assume she meant I felt entitled to say this because they were a family of colour! So instead of pulling up the teen for pushing past us, the adult put the responsibility of this situation on me, insinuating I was bullying them for racially motivated reasons!!

It hadn’t even crossed my mind that they were black/white/asian whatever family! Only that a person had pushed past my daughter and I and the family felt they then had a right to go in front.

Comments continued among the adults in the family to the teens around how this was another example why the teenagers had to be more assertive “in this world” and that I, “the lady” was in the wrong.

I didn’t react, or say anything as I didn’t want to escalate something that clearly wasn’t there, and continued to look in front (not in their direction) or be accused of anything especially in an airport with a flight to catch! Later after passport control, I was standing talking to my daughter when the other adult (who I hadn’t looked at previously) violently pushed into my back as they walked past. I was very shocked by this (again I brushed this off).

People who have genuinely experienced racism - was I unreasonable, and were they justified to jump to this conclusion? I understand there’s a long, complex history around race, but I am not aware, at least on a conscious level, of discriminating against anyone like this??

Notoriety, cool points. And, had I not gone through a stressful and scary process, very early in my career, as I said, he'd have been untouchable for his remaining time. You really are desperate to defend this but im not having it. He knew exactly what he was doing.

Notoriety, cool points

lol ok.

And, had I not..

yes, would’a could’a should’a. But you did and therefore he didn’t.

im not trying to defend that kid- i know nothing about him. just trying to explain that there is really no such thing as “the race card” that confers special advantages on racialised minority people.

So so far on this thread we have one kid who allegedly got “cool points” and one guy who allegedly stayed in his job for a while before he got fired and lost his tribunal.

It was the attempt at gaining the advantage. If @RhaenysRocks hadn't been on the ball and got her union involved it may well have gone his way, and I'm pretty sure that it has gone that way in other very similar situations.

Organisations can be risk averse, and if there could be even any question of a complaint going to court or a tribunal they will give way to save money and reduce the chance of bad publicity. I have seen cases of this in my current job, but the information is highly confidential so obviously I'm not going to say anything about the circumstances on a public forum!

People will try it on, especially if there's no down side to themselves as there wasn't in RhaenysRocks case. Whether it's accusations of racism, sexism, any other "ism", bias of any kind, if there's no risk then why not try for the reward?

Because the reality is that there’s tonnes of risk and little if anything to be gained in reward. Because that’s how racism works. But I don’t think you are ever going to get it.

What risk is there?

Ive noticed something over the years that I find really difficult to talk about openly, but I think it needs saying. I’ve seen situations where someone’s poor behaviour gets called out—things like being rude, unprofessional, or just not pulling their weight—and instead of taking responsibility, they play the race card. Suddenly it’s not about their behaviour, it’s about discrimination, and people get scared to say anything in case they’re labelled racist.
I’ve watched colleagues tiptoe around non-white staff, afraid to give honest feedback or hold them to the same standards, just in case it’s taken the wrong way. And I’ve seen some people use that fear to their advantage, staying unaccountable while others bend over backwards not to offend.
One moment that really stuck with me was when a non-white colleague told another that she was “betraying her culture” by not joining a particular group. It felt manipulative and totally inappropriate in a professional setting.
I’m all for celebrating cultural differences—they make workplaces richer and more interesting—but there are times when cultural norms clash with professional expectations. And when that happens, it should be okay to talk about it without being accused of having “white privilege” or worse.
It’s a tricky subject, and I know it’s uncomfortable, but I don’t think silence helps anyone. Accountability should apply to everyone, regardless of background.

@Tandora I know "cool points" don't mean much to us but when you're 15? Very different. And far more important is the second point, that had his complaint held, he and possibly other non white pupils would have seen they were untouchable. That is both a HUGE advantage and an untenable position for a school management. Go me for standing up to it but it could have gone very differently. If you really want to invite posters to contribute other examples Im sure we could do that..workplace ones abound with more serious "advantages" and losses on the flip side. But you'll dismiss all of them no doubt so there's no point. I do think we've reached an impasse here since you're never going to concede that SOME people will do this quite deliberately and I won't concede that it never happens and isn't an issue.

But his complaint wasn’t held!!!! That’s the whole point

What do mean by cultural norms clashing with workplace expectation? Can you give an example.

I had to go through significant stress and processes in my first year of a career as a result of that lad's accusation. Had my head of chairman of governors been of a different mind, which many are, it would have been upheld..at the time the policy was "perceived racism = racism" so frankly I was very bloody lucky. I know several colleagues in various schools over the years who have been less so. It was a total non issue of a standard classroom interaction until he chose to try and use his colour to gain an advantage. In that particular instance it failed but that doesn't mean it wasn't a prime example of what we've been discussing.

Ignoring micro aggression is exactly the only path I felt I could take at the time. Had the situation not be emotionally charged instantly, perhaps there would have been room to have a discussion (which I contemplated in my head at the time), but it was clear from my side that the aunt was pissed, and assumption were made (before my assumptions) about why I had challenged the teen. They spoke loudly, on purpose, soothing towards the teen (you’ve done nothing wrong), angry words about me, at length to ensure I was listening, and me standing in a busy compact queue with my young child (and alone!!!) opening a conversation about their assumptions wasn’t the time or place to do it. I let it go, and didn’t think about it again till the other person PUSHED ME in my back. Like WTAF?! A big unnecessary step up in the situation and confirmation that I was right to ignore them and assume their aggression was based on my race/their unjustified opinion that I had been racist.

Had I seen signs that the lady was calm, confused then I would have 100% been open to explaining. I am generally a ‘chat to strangers’ person, but a conflict avoider (especially when with my child) and this was definitely a situation where the conflict would have escalated because the pushing was disproportionate response.

if they were assuming I was “posh” as some have suggested, then I find this impossible too. My back had been turned the whole time and we barely made eye contact so I find that implausible. however, as literally the only thing they could have judged me on was my ethnicity, and thus jumping to a conclusion that I was racially motivated then THAT can also be described as an act of discrimination against me. So perhaps they were also using unconscious bias.

We’re all human. But to not acknowledge unconscious bias doesn’t existence within the ethnic minorities is self righteous BS.

But nobody has said unconscious bias doesn’t exist within ethnic minorities. In fact, all everyone has said is that all people, regardless of ethnicity, have biases. I gave a couple of examples of alternative explanations to race for why the family said what you heard and also admitted that it could also have been race, but the fact is that you’ll never know because it was just a guess on your part. You can’t know what was in someone else’s mind unless they actually tell you, and since you judged that the situation was not appropriate to engage in conversation, I don’t think it does much good to be hung up on the perceived motives when you’re never going to get an answer.

I also really don’t understand why you would assume that their aggression was based on race. Are you suggesting that the woman’s act of physical aggression when she pushed past you made you think that she was racially motivated because she pushed past you?

The only facts I can ascertain from your recounting of the incident is that the family were aggressive to you because you stood up for yourself when they tried to supplant your place in the queue. What you have described is bullying behaviour, and bullies don’t need a reason to try and bully other people - although they may sometimes find an excuse. From what you described, you had something they wanted (a place ahead in the queue), you didn’t give it to them, and they got angry. You’re assuming that their attempted bullying of you is based on the colour of your/their skin, but that’s an assumption that cannot be proven. And in my opinion, attempting to prove it only runs the risk of falling into racial stereotypes.

I’m not trying to minimise impact on you and I’m really sorry you went through that, but it sounds like the reality is the false accusation didn’t incur any particular benefit to the child- it just caused you a lot of pain stress . X

Had @RhaenysRocks not challenged his false accusation, the boy would have had relative impunity compared to other children, and have had more freedom and power to behave how he wanted. That’s a clear and obvious benefit for him… a privilege that his white counterparts wouldn’t have been able to obtain using similar tactics.

And yes, I know he didn’t benefit in that way because @RhaenysRocks successfully fought it, but clearly many don’t challenge in the way she did, and do get away with it!

I don’t know how many more times or how many more ways I can say it- this “benefit” privilege is entirely theoretical: hypothetical. It didn’t actually occur. There’s a very good reason for that.

Nobody said racism itself is a system that can be gamed and that isn't what the term race card refers to IMO, so it's a misnomer. What can be gamed is taking advantage of personal and institutional fear of being accused of racism. Other people's fears can always be used to gain advantage. So if you admit false accusations happen, you are de factor admitting that they could potentially be used for personal gain of some sort, such as the examples given. Your claim is that such usage is not effective. It's irrational to believe there are no times when people back down or shut up because they don't want to be seen as racists. It can be very effective in shutting down debate, which is why it is often employed in threads like this one. Multiple people have accused the OP of being a racist based on nothing but her use of a term, totally ignoring that the OP isn't even white British, she's Hispanic. Fortunately, it has not been effective in this case because a number of posters have called it out as bullshit, but I have witnessed occasions when it has been effective. It totally depends on the people involved.
Even if it never worked, since it is something people do (which they wouldn't if it never worked) it can still be considered a card they play. Whether it's a winning card or not does not negate the reality that it has been played and likely will continued to be played by certain unscrupulous people. The term race card is a lazy way of expressing it, but tbf I can't think of a term which wouldn't be long and clunky, so it probably comes down to simple convenience in OP's case. I don't use it myself because it's been used by white supremacists.

Perhaps you're thinking more in terms of accusations being used for something more substantial, like beating out other applicants for a job or housing? I would agree that accusations of racism are not effective for a goal like that and that people assuming that is how a POC secured a job are undoubtedly racists.

You might want to look into the case of Richard Bilkszto, a Toronto principal who was falsely accused of being a white supremacist merely for saying Canada does not have much racism as America. He was actually disciplined for it, as crazy as that sounds, it destroyed his life and he eventually killed himself. The benefit to his accuser was shutting down a point of view she didn't like, and, it seems, the fulfillment of a sadistic desire to bully him and ruin his life. She was even recorded laughing about it. It sounds unbelievable, but it happened.

This is simply “heads I win, tails you lose” nonsense. If @RhaenysRocks hadn’t defined herself, you’d have presumed that the boy in question likely had faced racism and was a victim, even though he was not.

Sorry, “defended” not “defined”.

when the data starts showing that black people have any sort of social, political and economic advantages, I’ll accept you may have a point.

And these things are permitted to happen when we have the likes of @Tandora saying that it just can’t and is impossible.

I’m afraid I can’t see any other way of interpreting @Tandora’s posts other than that they are gaslighting… moreover, gaslighting which inflames racial tensions rather than calm them, and exacerbate racial division rather than promote racial harmony.

Have you heard of the phrase "the process is the punishment"? He punished his young, new to the job, female teacher by making a false, potentially career ending, allegation. For the terrible crime of pulling him up on bad behaviour in front of his friends.

She's certainly not debating this issue with honesty and integrity, so I'm done with her.