Was the ‘race card’ pulled??

[Glittercloud17]

So just got back from vacation. At the airport, my daughter and I were queuing for passport control when a girl/teen pushed past in front of us. 5 seconds later I heard a lady say to me “excuse me, we just want to join our niece” pointing to the girl who’d pushed in. Without focusing too much attention on her or the family, but seeing an additional 3 people (another teen and two women) I said “sorry, but that girl just shoved in, so maybe it’s better she joins you instead” (meaning the 1 girl who’d pushed in should join her family behind my daughter and I, and not the whole family move in front of my daughter and I.

The lady said “oh, I don’t think she pushed in, darling” in a clearly sarcastic tone, but I didn’t reply as the girl/teen then walked back to join her aunt behind us.

Then I heard the woman say to the girl “you know exactly why she thinks she needs to be in front of us, this is another example”. At this stage I assume she meant I felt entitled to say this because they were a family of colour! So instead of pulling up the teen for pushing past us, the adult put the responsibility of this situation on me, insinuating I was bullying them for racially motivated reasons!!

It hadn’t even crossed my mind that they were black/white/asian whatever family! Only that a person had pushed past my daughter and I and the family felt they then had a right to go in front.

Comments continued among the adults in the family to the teens around how this was another example why the teenagers had to be more assertive “in this world” and that I, “the lady” was in the wrong.

I didn’t react, or say anything as I didn’t want to escalate something that clearly wasn’t there, and continued to look in front (not in their direction) or be accused of anything especially in an airport with a flight to catch! Later after passport control, I was standing talking to my daughter when the other adult (who I hadn’t looked at previously) violently pushed into my back as they walked past. I was very shocked by this (again I brushed this off).

People who have genuinely experienced racism - was I unreasonable, and were they justified to jump to this conclusion? I understand there’s a long, complex history around race, but I am not aware, at least on a conscious level, of discriminating against anyone like this??

But statistical evidence does not deny it make it impossible for individuals to behave contrary to the majority. Again, noone is denying racism exists. The only people denying others' experiences are those questioning the op and those of us who have given similar anecdotes such as the flower bed one. It is an observed fact that there are instances where people have invoked race / sex etc to try and deflect from poor behaviour. In my classroom and the flower bed example I simply cannot see such straightforward interactions as anything other than that..straightforward. Spitballing, trampling flowers ARE objectively poor behaviour. Not following repeated, clear instructions at work IS poor performance. Following those things up is completely justified and literally nothing to do with the identity of the offender, so if they bring race / sex into it, why is it so difficult to accept that they are in fact gaslighting (if that is a more acceptable phrase than "card"). There's no bias, unconscious or otherwise. Poor behaviour = sanction.

right

OP, there's another possibility. Since you have stated you are Hispanic (which it seems many posters have ignored in their haste to assume you are a racially biased white person) it may very well be that this was about racism against you, not that they were accusing you of racism. "You know why she's done that." sounds as much like like a racist comment as it does an accusation that you are racist. Even if they were POC it does not preclude them being racist against people of Hispanic origin. I do find the notion proposed by some that they were accusing you of being snobby quite ridiculous, since they had no way of knowing anything about your personality. They only knew what you looked like.
Any way you cut it, they are clearly assholes and YANBU.

So you were actually physically assaulted by this lunatic? I'd have reported that to airport security, but I understand that you were tired and just wanted to get home.

If you had bothered to read my OP I said I agreed as to how rude they were but had to agree as have plenty of others that she should not have presumed they were using the race card.

I’m not denying that happened and continues to happen, and it’s completely unacceptable where it does.

Ir’s bizarre though that some on this thread are so determined not to even countenance that this might, even sometimes, skew the other way in other contexts.

Exactly. It seems that some posters are incapable of accepting that TWO or even several things might be true at the same time. Just because in some workplaces, someone's complaint of harassment has been ignored does not mean it therefore follows that in another, a person uses their protected characteristic to shield themselves from poor reviews or appraisals.

The guess is informed by the bias. Any guess is informed by evidence, be it perceived or real.
My reading of it was different, ergo my bias is that people think teenagers generally push in.

Completely agree! Not sure why it’s even controversial!

the family that did that is being rasist and causing a non issue and the ability to not be good humans and pulling the raisim card!!!

YWNBU, save for the use of the absolutely awful 'pulling the race card.' Both here and in rl, I find it hard to get past anyone using that phrase.

You’re not sure why it’s controversial? In a society where racialised inequalities are so entrenched and endemic? That people’s perceptions are that racialised minorities are in fact the one’s benefiting from the system by playing this (fantasy thing called ) the “race card”.

I think the point that @RhaenysRocks is making is that it may be much much more common that racially different people - or for that matter any "othered" groups like the disabled - to be discriminated against but that doesn't 100% preclude people trying to use their protected status to their advantage.

OK one type of behaviour (racism) is much more common, but the scale doesn't just stop in the middle and you do get a few incidents at the other end. You seem to be denying that this could possibly happen.

You seem to be taking generalisations as absolutes here, and defining anyone's dissimilar experiences as bias despite the evidence given.

Again, are you saying that the few instances mentioned on here are untrue? Made up? Somehow in fact WERE racist responses? (Though still no-one has told me in what way my "spitball= move seats" scenario can be conditioned by bias). How is it that you cannot accept that BOTH things can be true? That endemic racism exists AND some people in some circumstances do use their race or sex as a shield against reprimand?

I think you might be flogging a dead horse with this poster tbh. She seems completely unable to accept that this does in fact happen sometimes.

Because there’s one thing that’s true 99.95% of the time, backed up by every measure of objective data we have, is rooted in a history of colonisation and slavery… and the other thing (some random individual being given maybe a little bit of extra leeway/ grace because of some acknowledgment of that violent , racist history) maybe happens in a very minor way , rarely, and is mostly used as evidence to reinforce / deny the ongoing injustices and harms of the first thing. So- “both things true at the same time”? Nah.

some random individual being given maybe a little bit of extra leeway/ grace because of some acknowledgment of that violent , racist history

Really? A little bit of extra leeway or grace, in a very minor way? Potentially destroying someone else's career isn't a little bit of leeway or minor.

And NOBODY on here is denying that there is racism in our society today. But very few people deny the very possibility of any people whatsoever trying to take advantage of things which are put into place to protect the innocent from discrimination.

Please link to the 99.95% stat, I would be interested in reading the basis of that. And of course being able to see there isn't just the teeniest weeniest little bit of bias used in determining the basis and in interpretation of the results to show what the researchers wanted to show.

Oh bollocks. Sorry, but slavery and oppression and endemic racism has fuck all to do with a teen spitballing in a classroom (that has plenty of other kids of all backgrounds in it who have equally occasionally stepped out of line and been moved, just as this kid was).

Omg this is not a thing. The “race card” is not a thing. It’s something people say to deflect from the very real impacts of ongoing racism today.

Sorry, what isn't a thing? You seem to be circling right back round to the term "race card" rather than responding to the things I and others are saying.

And you don't seem to have answered any of the times various posters here have asked whether you truly believe that it is completely and utterly impossible for any person other than white British to accuse someone of racism to divert attention from something they have done themselves (like spit balling in the classroom or failing to perform their job properly).

Oh and regarding colonisation and slavery? I am not minimising anything or suggesting that needs to be forgotten, quite the opposite, but it shouldn't be used as a call for mitigation of the consequences for bad behaviours.

Ok

@Tandora no, it really IS a thing, whether we use that phrase or not. It happens. There are several examples on this thread and I'm sure plenty more if you cared to ask. The stats don't exist because collection of that data would, as this thread shows, be an impossible hotbed of ethical and political sensitivities. I still haven't, after 13 pages, have anyone explain to me specifically how my example can be the result of unconscious bias. How did I unconsciously discriminate against this child who was the only one misbehaving, given that I sanctioned him in line with the same action given to others in other lessons?

I think it’s bizarre the OP started a thread on this. Of course they were taking the piss in more ways than one. That said, I agree that “using or pulling the race card” is an unpleasant and unhelpful term.

Oh and @Tandora , my teenage DD has a friend of African heritage who wears her hair in a way that is not allowed at school (not tied back) but knows she won't be challenged because of the issues around afro hair. She could tie it back but knows she won't be held to the same standard or pulled up as other children are. First hand example.

It absolutely is. You can live in denial all you want and have examples of it slapping you round the face but stick your fingers in your ears and close your eyes and pretend it's never happened, not one single instance and couldn't possibly have happened to the op because you've decided it "isn't a thing"

Well said