Was the ‘race card’ pulled??

[Glittercloud17]

So just got back from vacation. At the airport, my daughter and I were queuing for passport control when a girl/teen pushed past in front of us. 5 seconds later I heard a lady say to me “excuse me, we just want to join our niece” pointing to the girl who’d pushed in. Without focusing too much attention on her or the family, but seeing an additional 3 people (another teen and two women) I said “sorry, but that girl just shoved in, so maybe it’s better she joins you instead” (meaning the 1 girl who’d pushed in should join her family behind my daughter and I, and not the whole family move in front of my daughter and I.

The lady said “oh, I don’t think she pushed in, darling” in a clearly sarcastic tone, but I didn’t reply as the girl/teen then walked back to join her aunt behind us.

Then I heard the woman say to the girl “you know exactly why she thinks she needs to be in front of us, this is another example”. At this stage I assume she meant I felt entitled to say this because they were a family of colour! So instead of pulling up the teen for pushing past us, the adult put the responsibility of this situation on me, insinuating I was bullying them for racially motivated reasons!!

It hadn’t even crossed my mind that they were black/white/asian whatever family! Only that a person had pushed past my daughter and I and the family felt they then had a right to go in front.

Comments continued among the adults in the family to the teens around how this was another example why the teenagers had to be more assertive “in this world” and that I, “the lady” was in the wrong.

I didn’t react, or say anything as I didn’t want to escalate something that clearly wasn’t there, and continued to look in front (not in their direction) or be accused of anything especially in an airport with a flight to catch! Later after passport control, I was standing talking to my daughter when the other adult (who I hadn’t looked at previously) violently pushed into my back as they walked past. I was very shocked by this (again I brushed this off).

People who have genuinely experienced racism - was I unreasonable, and were they justified to jump to this conclusion? I understand there’s a long, complex history around race, but I am not aware, at least on a conscious level, of discriminating against anyone like this??

The British are well known for forming orderly queues. To queue jump is regarded as ill mannered unless there is a very good reason for it, which wasn't the case in this instance. The whole family sound ill mannered and entitled. If they wish to make this about race rather than rude behaviour, that's on them not you. I'd just brush it off, you did nothing wrong.

I remember a million years ago reading the Victorian novel, The Way of all Flesh by Samuel Butler with its investigation into morality. One of the turning points is the protagonist's realisation that just because someone is a poor person, they are not automatically a good person. The same applies to all groups in society.

I don’t think I said I’ve seen it often? I said it happens more often that we can admit. As do other forms of “cards”.

I was just curious why the lady attributed me being annoyed by the queue jumping teen to me (presumably) being racist when in reality I’d not even given mind to the persons race/face, but reacted off the behaviour.

Initially I let the teen pass as it was a young girl and I thought she may be alone - only getting annoyed when I realised the whole family then felt they could jump in too, thus rewarding the queue jumping, as opposed to reprimanding the teen themselves. In fact they wanted to reward her bad etiquette and I think that was wrong, and they disagreed with the way I would have parented my child had my kid queue-jumped.

But it does, in the previous example of someone who was pulled up at work over their lazy/bad work and it was instantly dropped because he cried racism, thus meaning he could do as little work as he wanted, as badly as he wanted and would go completely unchallenged. Please tell me how he hasn't used that to his advantage?

Yes you are racist. You are minimising what is an inherently racist terminology and suggesting that people who find the use of 'the race card' racist are wrong. If people are telling you your language is racist, perhaps you should start listening. Unfortunately in your case ignorance is compounding your error . . .

I don't actually disagree. But I refuse to talk to white people about POC who do that. We do it amongst ourselves. (I similarly refuse to talk to men about women who "play the sexism card".)

That's because the accusation of "playing the race/sex card" is used as a weapon to shut down discussion of actual racism and misogyny to a far more damaging extent than any POC/woman could hope to inflict by doing it in bad faith.

I don't have much tolerance for the latter - but like I said, I am not going to be drawn into that discussion on a majority-white board.

So how would you describe the way these people reacted? It was clearly a race issue?

Again, how could it be “anything”?
If I point at someone I don’t know and say “I know exactly why that person did x/y, it’s just another example”, what could I possibly be basing my judgement on apart from the way the person looks and maybe speaks?
I can’t imagine judging someone by the way they are dressed to such an extent that I’d say to my child “I know exactly why they behave like that (just look at their posh coat).”

Sorry, but your post is passive aggressive. If you think it's a "majority white board" fair enough. We aren't going to apologise for being white, inasmuch as we wouldn't expect you to apologise for being black. If you think the race card is used as a weapon, I trust we can look forward to seeing you on the next thread, which hugely minimises antisemitism.

Maybe that they were being an asshole? Because it has nothing to do with race. I don't even believe this scenario as you have described it for one second. What race were these people?? I find it highly unlikely that a family would try and jump in front of you in a queue then cause a scene about you not letting them do this as you are a white oppressor. Seriously, pull the other one. If this was a common occurance, no one would need a 'race card'

This is someone’s perception/ interpretation of a situation - likely a highly biased one.
I don’t think there is any objective evidence that being from a racialised minority confers particular/ unfair advantages in the workplace. There’s a lot of evidence of the reverse.

If someone attributes someone’s evaluation of events as ‘playing the race/sex card’, they are either right or wrong in their evaluation. Refusing to explore the accuracy of this claim due to them having a certain characteristic seems shortsighted to me.

I can understand why someone would have little appetite to engage, or may feel that doing so would not achieve much - but refusing on a matter of principle reflects a principle ripe for challenge.

I don’t think it is an uncommon experience for people to have witnessed accusations of bigotry that weren’t motivated by bigotry. Bigotry is the new heresy, and accusations of it is the contemporary version of the dunking stool.

There is no shortage of bigoted people but there is no shortage of people being wrongly accused of bigotry- with accusations being made in good and bad faith.

Critical theory isn’t fact. It’s a theory with significant flaws but none the less provides a powerful lens to look through,

"Ugh" might not be an argument, Piglet89, but it's sometimes the best you'll get when folk don't like lived experience being mentioned unless it's that of a preferred group

Though retired now I was very lucky in that the sector meant those I recruited were about 80% south asian - mainly because the vast majority were the most wonderful people, but also because it was instructive to ask a tiny majority why they'd howled "racism" on failing to get a job, when the person appointed would usually be of the same race

I never got a coherent answer though; it was either a sneer, a sly giggle or just a stalking-off, and it bears saying that their hoped-for colleagues had no patience with it either, feeling that it reflected badly on them too

Fortunately it didn't, because like most I recognised that every community has a few tossers, and while I'd just happened to meet theirs I could go on enjoying my association with the countless other decent members

Maybe in earlier decades, but current corporate structures, especially in the public sector, go to significant effort to try and ensure those from non-white backgrounds are treated fairly, even if they don’t always succeed.

A failing Black or Asian worker would generally be taken very seriously if they said that racism was impacting on their performance, even if it was just an excuse and the allegations weren’t ultimately substantiated…. whereas a similarly failing white worker couldn’t do the same.

Based on your and others perspectives on here, it would be very easy for a Black or Asian worker to falsely invent a racism excuse… as the presumption seems to be that they are almost certainly correct, and there would be very little burden of proof on their part. That would give them a significant advantage over the equivalent white worker.

Ah, so because my lived experience doesn't agree with your view then I must be biased?

This person would sit staring at a plain wall for hours on end. Despite being told many times how the manager requested documents to be filed, a simple system based on subject then client name within subject then most recent document at the front (bog standard filing practice), documents would be "filed" by randomly adding them to whichever file came to hand in the drawer they were nearest to - unless you can see any other reason why e.g. Mr David Smith's document regarding radiation levels was stuffed in the middle of Mrs Elizabeth Brown's file regarding sewage pollution in the nearby river. My poor boss was pulled into extra reviews of this admin's performance every single year, and every year was told he had to give a "satisfactory" mark to someone who's work wasn't; because every year he was accused of giving a "must improve" rating.

He admitted to me in private after I had taken over that job on top of my existing work that the only reason this person had been given the "must improve" rating was due to the racism accusations as for anyone else the rating would have been "unacceptable" and disciplinary measures put in place.

But clearly I must have been biased in my interpretation according to you. Or I made it all up. Or something anything because by definition if somebody isn't white British then they must have been hard done by, incapable of any failings, and any that are perceived MUST be due to bias on someone else's part - that's basically what you are saying isn't it?

I remember teaching on an employability group. I asked a black man to politely move away from the photocopier, as he was sat in a swivel chair in front of it. He called me a racist. Now, how do you rationalise that? If I say, he probably wanted to be kicked off the mandatory course, will I be called a racist?

OP you should not have used the race card wording in your title simple as and let’s not deny you wouldn’t have said the same thing if the family had been of a different heritage eg non black . You assumed they said what they did because they thought you were being racist which was only your interpretation. Just own it FFS

So you think the situation described didn't happen? You're just choosing to believe it didn't happen in that way because it suits your narrative.

No word on the queue jumping? Stop making the OP feel guilty for describing a passive aggressive situation. Let's turn this back round on you: if the family had been white and uttered the comments about the OP, you would have jumped straight in with racist. She can't win because there are many people who handle this with kid gloves. David Lammy was so right about white saviours.

This does not in any way resonate with my personal experience or what the hard data says about social and workforce equality.
Its really worrying that people actually think these things.

Women are typically terribly critical of men who approach male bad behaviour that way.

I think this is a very common perception of reality which is why reform is predicted to be our next government. I believe it reflects the “lived experience” of many white people.

I do not think this is the actual reality as it is not supported by any of the objective evidence on social, economic and political advantage and race, which all point to the completely opposite dynamic. Nor does it tend to reflect the lived experience of minority racialised people,

Are you for real?

You think that no one collecting data about how often people might use some kind of status as a disadvantaged person as a way to asset power over others means it doesn't happen?

You must be living on Mars. Everyone has seen people like this, even if only occasionally. In every walk of life.

It's no differernt than people who claimed that a transwoman suing woman-run small businesses who refused to wax his balls couldn't be a grifter doing it for money because he was so oppressed.

There are always people who will take advantage, building systems that don't account for that is dangerous.

This definitely not true. I have seen staff complain about being racially abused by service users - nothing was done. The management was very dismissive.