Was the ‘race card’ pulled??

[Glittercloud17]

So just got back from vacation. At the airport, my daughter and I were queuing for passport control when a girl/teen pushed past in front of us. 5 seconds later I heard a lady say to me “excuse me, we just want to join our niece” pointing to the girl who’d pushed in. Without focusing too much attention on her or the family, but seeing an additional 3 people (another teen and two women) I said “sorry, but that girl just shoved in, so maybe it’s better she joins you instead” (meaning the 1 girl who’d pushed in should join her family behind my daughter and I, and not the whole family move in front of my daughter and I.

The lady said “oh, I don’t think she pushed in, darling” in a clearly sarcastic tone, but I didn’t reply as the girl/teen then walked back to join her aunt behind us.

Then I heard the woman say to the girl “you know exactly why she thinks she needs to be in front of us, this is another example”. At this stage I assume she meant I felt entitled to say this because they were a family of colour! So instead of pulling up the teen for pushing past us, the adult put the responsibility of this situation on me, insinuating I was bullying them for racially motivated reasons!!

It hadn’t even crossed my mind that they were black/white/asian whatever family! Only that a person had pushed past my daughter and I and the family felt they then had a right to go in front.

Comments continued among the adults in the family to the teens around how this was another example why the teenagers had to be more assertive “in this world” and that I, “the lady” was in the wrong.

I didn’t react, or say anything as I didn’t want to escalate something that clearly wasn’t there, and continued to look in front (not in their direction) or be accused of anything especially in an airport with a flight to catch! Later after passport control, I was standing talking to my daughter when the other adult (who I hadn’t looked at previously) violently pushed into my back as they walked past. I was very shocked by this (again I brushed this off).

People who have genuinely experienced racism - was I unreasonable, and were they justified to jump to this conclusion? I understand there’s a long, complex history around race, but I am not aware, at least on a conscious level, of discriminating against anyone like this??

It's not the race card. They may have thought that's what you were doing or may have not. Who knows.

I had a friend who did this. She had eupd

Do you mean just the term race card, or false accusations of racism used to deflect from the wrongdoing of the accuser? Because that certainly does happen. I could cite several examples from my time working as a store detective. They got caught stealing but tried to claim I only accused them because of their race. They had the stolen items in their possession and I had seen them pocket them, so that didn't work. But they certainly tried. Some even threatened to sue, but of course they did not. Most of the shoplifters were white, so they used other stupid deflections. A minority of shoplifters held themselves accountable and apologized. In those cases they got a ban from the store, but not a police report. So my takeaway from my time in that job is that there are times when it pays dividends to own up to your errors in judgement. More people should try it. So perhaps you should own up to being wrong, if you are indeed saying that such false accusations never happen. Multiple people have given examples and it's not reasonable to think they are all lying.

I appreciate that you want to call attention to the fact that racial bias is real and pervasive, but you don't need to deny that false accusations exist in order to make that point.

The stats don't exist because collection of that data would, as this thread shows, be an impossible hotbed of ethical and political sensitivities.

ok lol

Please read my posts and think rather than just reacting.

If you actually read my posts you will see I already stated that of course it’s possible for someone to either mistakenly or falsely accuse someone of racism. Meanwhile It’s not the least bit effective in incurring any kind of meaningful advantage. there’s no such thing as “the race card”, because racism is a not a system that can be “gamed” by minority ethnic people to their advantage- that’s not how racism works/ what it does. This is an illusion/ projection that is used to deflect from the very real impacts/ harm of structural racism on racialised minorities.

It’s striking how much racism there is on mumsnet but there seems to be a general reduction of empathy on the site lately - perhaps a reflection of how toxic online discourse has become.

I don’t think OP was unreasonable to tell the girl there was a queue but coming online to accuse the family of ‘playing the race card’ crosses into unreasonable territory. Especially as, from your own account, you were exhibiting racial prejudice, since they never mentioned race. It was your own assumption that they were talking about your race, and you yourself said you assumed this because of the colour of their skin. Which undermines the point you made about not noticing people’s races - you clearly do, and in this case it was the first explanation you jumped to, in order to explain their bad behaviour. That is racist. As people have said, anybody of any race can behave poorly. The notion of ‘playing the race card’ is offensive - other posters have explained why so I won’t go into it - you can just use the factual description of ‘I suspect this person is falsely accusing me of racism’ rather than the loaded term (in your case, you suspected, because they never actually accused you of racism).

The irony is that if OPs suspicion is correct and the family’s subsequent aggressive behaviour towards OP was racially motivated, then that would be the kind of racially charged micro-aggression that black people often have to deal with and find themselves facing invalidation when they try to articulate why they think they’ve faced aggressive behaviour due to their race when their race has never been mentioned. Such invalidation happens on this site all the time.

However, I can think of other explanations that are not race. It could be social class, as others have said. It could even be nationality - perceived ‘westerner’ (which is not necessarily racial) versus local to the region the airport was in, for example. I had an airport experience myself where the queuing etiquette was obviously different for people from different parts of the world, but the loud grumbling of people not respecting the queue was coming mainly from UK residents, which is where the flight was going. In the case the fault was on the airline for not making any queuing announcement and leaving the queue to form organically so that everyone was making up their own rules, and new people who joined had to guess where the queue actually was, thus causing more confusion and frustration for a flight that had already been delayed.

The one thing you could have done that would have put paid to this racial assumption would have been to challenge the family if you thought they were implying racism on you. You could have asked them directly since you were essentially eavesdropping on their conversation. I witnessed this happen once (on a plane as it happens) - between a (black) woman and a (white) man sitting next to each other who had some conflict over an arm rest. After some tense (non verbal) back and forth over who was monopolising the arm rest with each one pushing the other’s arm away, the black woman accused the white man of being racist, the white man challenged her on why she said this, they had a conversation and this resulted in them smoothing over their differences and they learnt things about each other and were friends by the end of the flight. Exposure to other people is one of the reasons travel expands the mind if we can learn to respectfully engage with people, especially in times of conflict!

If you actually read my posts you will see I already stated that of course it’s possible for someone to either mistakenly or falsely accuse someone of racism. Meanwhile It’s not the least bit effective in incurring any kind of meaningful advantage.

Yet in every single case cited here you still accuse people of unconscious bias rather than considering it may have been the way related; if you admit that it can happen then why can't those incidents possibly be that?

We have also cited actual advantage to people by using an accusation of racism to gain an advantage e.g. to not have any consequences for failing to do their job whereas other would have those consequences.

I can't remember anywhere on this thread someone saying that because a small minority act in this way, then racism is not a harmful mindset. We are just noting that in certain circumstances it can be possible to at least try to gain an advantage by using a protected characteristic.

Matter if interest only, do you argue as hard for other minority groups? The disabled (physical or mental disabilities), women, persons who have transitioned whether physically or not, the elderly...

Yet in every single case cited here you still accuse people of unconscious bias rather than considering it may have been the way related; if you admit that it can happen then why can't those incidents possibly be that?

No I haven’t. Read my posts.

All I have said is unconscious bias affects everyone. This is true.

Perfectly articulated.

Time and time again, posters on this thread have given examples of how people of colour have, on occasion, used an accusation of racism, or people’s reticence to call them out for fear of being called racist, to secure an advantage. Yet you seem to be wilfully refusing to recognise those.

Why? There’s nothing racist about recognising this does happen sometimes, in the same way women sometimes do the same regarding sexism.

None of this means racism doesn’t exist, and that racism is a bad thing that is unacceptable in society.

Ok

Ok, thank you, well it seems we at last have agreement!

Eavesdropping? The passive aggressive sarcastic comments were made for the OP to hear. As for MN and racism, that's the go to justification for excusing behaviour, which doesn't sit right. Racial harmony can only be achieved, when the guilt tripping of white people - which is what you are doing - stops. This reminds me of the white people can't be victims of racism mantra. This guilt tripping causes resentment, which actually is the plan. Got to keep minorities as the underdogs, eh liberals. It is patronising to POC. There are serious cases of racism and there is casual racism. I wonder what you would have said if the family used white people, in a derogatory way? I think I can guess.

Nobody can make you feel guilty unless you choose to feel guilty. Generally, it’s people’s own consciences that make them feel guilty, unless they have underlying psychological problems. I cited an example where someone was directly accused of being racist and actually responded politely and respectfully to challenge the accusation, which led to a resolution of the conflict and harmony between the two people.

The grown up thing to do is to engage and ‘use your voice’ to use a mumsnet term, rather than stew internally and build up resentment that would probably compound prejudice further. And if you don’t want to do that, then let it go. That’s what people who experience micro aggressions have to do all the time. And anybody can experience a micro aggressions depending on the context.

As @Tandora said, everybody is capable of bias, because we are all human and that is just how our brains work. We don’t have the right to control how others perceive us. There will be many people who have false perceptions of us, some in the negative and some in the positive. But if we want to be productive, we can try engaging with them rationally, or let things go if we think it’s not worth it.

This is what I am doing with you now. You have accused me of guilt tripping, which is incorrect - I am making an intellectual argument and not an emotional one. You’ve made so many assumptions in your post - about politics, about race - your assumptions and assertions only express your own beliefs but say nothing about mine.

Nobody is justifying the poor behaviour the OP experienced, we are simply answering her question of whether the race card was pulled. Even the OP has accepted that she could have framed the question better.

Ah, the unconscious bias, again. There is a certain MP, who is very good at guilt tripping on race. Tell me how many times trying to talk reasonably through a similar situation, works out. You cite one example. The question as to whether the race card was pulled, was derailed by emotional guilt tripping. I stand by that.

What emotional guilt tripping? Maybe tone policing, or requesting politically correct language, which obviously it’s everyone’s prerogative to decide what language they use (but not their prerogative to determine how people respond to that language).

Nobody can answer the OP’s question because we’re not in the heads of the people she had an altercation with. People have challenged the offensiveness of the term race card, but for the purpose of argument, I will use it, since you insist on it. In this scenario, no race card was actually pulled. If the family had insisted on staying ahead of OP on the queue, citing the colour of their skin, you might be able to use the argument that they were weaponising race to get what they wanted (my preferred term over the loaded term ‘race card’). But they made way for her. So how can we say any race card was pulled when they neither got what they wanted nor mentioned race?

OP is only offended because she overheard a conversation they had that she believes implies the family think that she wanted preferential treatment because of the colour of her skin. That’s an opinion. Maybe she is right about what the family thought, maybe not. But she’ll never know because she didn’t actually speak to them, and we strangers on the internet have no crystal ball either to know what they were implying either. OP used deductive reasoning to infer that the bias the family held towards her was racial. But that requires an assumption on her own part, and there are other assumptions that could be made.

I trust you will apply the same rationale, when it comes to people assuming others are being racist towards them. All good then. Then you can deal with the fall out, around being reductive.

In this scenario, no race card was actually pulled…they made way for her. So how can we say any race card was pulled when they neither got what they wanted nor mentioned race?

exactly . At yet here pp are- bemoaning the systematic use and advantages conferred by this fantasy thing called the race card. And when we point out how problematic that is , people accuse us of guilt tripping white people?

Fantasy thing called the race card? Take the label away and its philosophy remains. There, everyone's happy.

I agree. The grooming gangs in Rotherham etc felt empowered to continue because they were aware that the police and other authorities were more concerned about being labelled racist than bringing large numbers of ethnic Asian men to book for their crimes.

I don't dispute that we all make unconscious judgements, but neither am I naive enough not to also know that there are those who use any means to behave how they wish.

That example is the perfect one; those poor girls were gaslit, left right and centre. They where white - easy targets in the mentality of the perps, but all will be reduced. Oh, forgot, already has been.

I haven't seen any reference to the race card being used systematically, in fact I have gone out of my way to make it very clear that it is a rare occurrence.

Nobody can make you feel guilty unless you choose to feel guilty.

If enough people tell someone something, they eventually believe it. Tell a kid they are ugly often enough, they believe it. Tell someone they are thick often enough, they believe it. Tell someone that something is their fault they eventually start to feel that it must be there fault. In relationships this is called gaslighting.

They where white - easy targets in the mentality of the perps

what?

And why are we talking of Rotherham and grooming gangs?

All the more reason to politely and respectfully challenge if you think someone has made a wrong assumption / false accusation and examine the facts, rather than relying on assumptions and entrenching prejudices. I stated earlier that nobody is entitled to control what other people think of them. If you’re trying to stop someone doing something wrong, why should it matter what they think of you?

Are you unfamiliar with the case?

It's an inconvenient truth. Relevant to the thrust of the thread, but you're be told it's insignificant.