To think most men wouldn’t survive a year living the life of an average woman?

[ThatRealLimeBee]

The daily grind of sexism, safety worries, juggling expectations, emotional labour… Most men have no idea. AIBU to think they’d crumble under the load if they had to swap lives with us for a year?

Nope, you twisted my point. And lied about me saying men can go to the barbers and gym- you added that in! 😂

If you are rude to a housewife and look down your nose on them for being financially dependent on their DH, then they absolutely are going to retaliate and question your own financial independence and your level of dependence on your parents/in laws/paid professionals.

Acting in an independent manner does not just refer to finances. I made the point that I managed to look after 2 under-3s entirely by myself and found it easy. I even took both to my own emergency dental appointment- it’s really not that difficult. I’ve managed multiple serious hospital appointments for 1 DC around their sibling. I wasn’t dependent on anyone for practical support. Some people remain highly dependent on their parents for years, I moved out and was running my own home young.

Likewise if you’re rude to a woman who chooses to work after having children, and you’ve been spectacularly rude to many of us.

I asked you if you would also call men selfish or lazy for going to the gym because you clearly have double standards for men and women, you never answered so it was clear you wouldn't.

Yep, looking after kids is easy. So why do you want a medal?

I’m trying to get across that we do not need to put ourselves under such insane pressure to do everything all the time.

Check out a thread going on right now: ‘Juggling everything so damn hard!!!’ The OP and respondents seem really honest. They shouldn’t have to be doing all this, and are saying they are struggling.

I’m not sure accusing working mothers of neglect and child abuse is the best way to put your point across tbh.

Are you saying you said things you didn't mean in anger and aren't actually a raging misogynist @ThankYouNigel ?

Again, that’s twisting the nuance.

To be clear- I would find it extremely distressing as a mother to have been separated from my baby before I was ready. If I lived in day America, who have appalling maternity rights and many mothers are completely priced out of having barely a few weeks off, then yes, I would feel that society was an emotionally abusive place to be a mother. Causing stress to a mother is not great for their children. Mothers obviously feel different if it is their choice over the timing to start to reincorporate paid work again.

When mine were younger I had an experienced nanny telling me at the park that she would give anything to have my life. She was desperate to start her own family but was not yet able to financially. She was very upset and I don’t think it’s right that women who really want to be mothers are effectively being priced out of that option. To me that’s wrong as a society, and is harming women’s rights.

Looking after kids is not easy. Fact.

Most mums need to work in this climate. Not ideal but needs must.

The backtracking is ridiculous

Try being a SAHM/homemaker who has looked after 2 close in age for the past 7 years with zero help or outsourcing.

I have been described as workshy, lazy and narcissistic. Apparently I do nothing of any value that nobody would miss or notice. Yet I know I have worked more hours directly caring for my children, my home and garden than when I had an actual FT paid job. I refuse to be gaslighted.

Yet I see threads on here right now about how hard juggling everything is. People being honest, people saying how upset they are that their house and garden are in chaos, they barely get any time with their toddler, their own health and well being is right at the bottom of the list. Wow, things have really moved on positively for women!

If you dare to say that you don’t have to live like this is you can afford not to, you get nothing but negativity. Well I absolutely refuse to live like these poor people I am reading about and run myself into the ground, and I am unapologetic about that.

I’ve read that thread.

A lot of them are saying that it’s impossible unless you have a DH/P to share the load with.

Which is exactly what this whole thread has been about.

Many of us do have partners who do their fair share, and are expected to. Which makes it possible to get through everything and means both parties can work.

Latest in Things that Never Happened. What sort of nanny cries in the park to a stranger saying they want their life?

This is such a joke. You’re just dumping on working mums for some reason, probably jealousy because literally nobody, even your own family, gives you the recognition you want for your extreme housework routine that you’ve convinced yourself is essential because it fills the time when your kids are at school. You’ve openly said that you don’t judge people for outsourcing domestic work, as long as they don’t work. You’ve said you respect parents who openly neglect their children and that the men who do this are good men, as long as their wife doesn’t work. You hold up huge families who are on benefits and likely to produce a next generation of benefits claimants as some sort of role model, again because they don’t work and just produce children. So embarrassing.

So that genuinely happened! Sitting in a sandpit whilst my eldest was playing with ones she was looking after. She told me she loves doing what she’s doing but really wanted to be doing it with her own children like I am. She told me I was so lucky and would give anything to be living my life. I wished her well and hoped she got the opportunity.

People went through a phase of over-sharing at the park during and after the worst of Covid for context. It was the only place a lot of us could go. I did also have a Mum who I had never met give me her mobile phone number to meet another day, she was craving company. Saw her giving others her number too. Also had neighbours out dog walking who I’ve known for almost 20 years tell me all sorts! Maybe this level of over-sharing was a time specific one! 😂

I’m not a liar. What’s the point?

I respect any parent who prioritises spending time with their own children.

Who do you think I spend my time sitting next to and chatting with at baby and toddler groups, the park, soft play, local community centres? Plenty of nannies and childminders. They tell me all sorts, and I’m not impressed by a lot of it, no. One was planning her exit with us all because the final straw for her was the lovely child she worked with being absolutely distraught his own mother wasn’t at his weekend birthday party. The nanny couldn’t in good faith continue working for that family, she said the parents were both largely absent, disinterested and just threw money and stuff at their children. That’s not the type of mother I would ever aspire to be, no.

People talk, make no mistake about it.

You still can't address actual points raised can you.

It’s not twisting the nuance. You have specifically said these things to working mothers.

You are entitled to want to be a SAHM. I have zero issues with that or how you chose to live your life.
I have an issue with you being abusive to working mothers. There has been no nuance there.

If you want to campaign for women’s rights then at least acknowledge that your suggestions will erode or remove choice from a huge number of women. Nobody on this thread has said that women of young children should be forced to work but you have been clear in your posts about wanting to remove subsidised children, essentially forcing a significant number of women into a SAHM role. Again, very little nuance more of a bulldozer approach.

"I made the point that I managed to look after 2 under-3s entirely by myself and found it easy. I even took both to my own emergency dental appointment- it’s really not that difficult. I’ve managed multiple serious hospital appointments for 1 DC around their sibling. I wasn’t dependent on anyone for practical support."

You said it was easy. Now it's not easy? Which is it?

You also said it was pathetic mothers need help with their young children and it's disgusting to get grandparents to look after them so they can go and take care of themselves. So it's definitely easily right? Why are you making out it's difficult now in this post?

It's not the first time you can't pick a lane though is it. You've spouted 10 pages of contradictory nonsense at this point.

I’ve honestly never seen someone avoid answering the actual question as much as this poster. It’s infuriating.

If she ever returns to work, I’d recommend politics.

Okay. A bit unprofessional of her but fine. Being a nanny isn’t the most compatible with having a young family to be honest. Maybe she should look at a different career where she gets maternity pay. I’m not sure what the point of the anecdote is though - is it that the state doesn’t pay enough benefits to someone like the nanny who wants to raise kids without working?

I think that's the point yes

Because (s)he is entirely willing to make up any "fact" needed to demonstrate their point at that moment. The instant that "fact" is no longer relevant or appropriate, it's discarded. Because this isn't about truth, it's about an ideology.

The point of the anecdote is to illustrate that she wanted to be a SAHM and couldn’t afford to. Some women do actually want to do this, and currently can’t. I think that’s wrong.