Page 18 | To think most men wouldn’t survive a year living the life of an average woman?

ThatRealLimeBee · 2025-08-01T19:12:12+00:00

The daily grind of sexism, safety worries, juggling expectations, emotional labour… Most men have no idea. AIBU to think they’d crumble under the load if they had to swap lives with us for a year?

StarlightLady · 04/08/2025 06:14

They wouldn’t get through their first period!

ThankYouNigel · 04/08/2025 07:18

lronWoman · 04/08/2025 02:46

I'd rather do any of those tasks than work down a sewer, collect rubbish, apprehend a knife wielding drug addict, rescue a hostage from armed terrorists, fight the Taliban, remove a violent drunk from a nightclub, investigate a case of serious child abuse/paedophilia, etc etc.

All of which are jobs largely done by men.

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I couldn’t agree more. I wouldn’t want to do those things.

My original response said I wouldn’t swap lives with my DH, as I massively prefer my life.

Other women hate a happy women though! 😂

SugarSoiree · 04/08/2025 08:09

So you do the tasks required of a parent and socialise. Everyone else does these things too. My daughter is thriving, has everything you describe and I have zero mum guilt. I don't need 40 hours of free time a week to achieve those things and neither do most parents!

The only thing I don't do in your list is volunteer at the school, and I wouldn't do that even if I had time because of I wanted to look after other people's kids and do school work I would be a teacher. There's a reason I'm not a teacher.

SugarSoiree · 04/08/2025 08:12

ThankYouNigel · 03/08/2025 23:17

Painting and decorating, both inside and outside.
Spending time up ladders sawing trees, pruning shrubs, trimming hedges, washing windows.
Washing walls.
Properly cleaning- oven, fridge, kitchen appliances, etc.
Ironing.
Full weekly clean.
Food shop.
Regularly decluttering.
Volunteering, often for several organisations.
Caring for elderly family members. Also cleaning their homes, doing their laundry, collecting their prescriptions, spending time talking to them so they feel less lonely.
Running errands when neighbours are ill.
Pet sitting for anyone who needs help.
Christmas prep- making chutney, giving children time to make gift bags, wrapping paper, cards. Booking the best Xmas days and times as soon as bookings go live- they are in my diary.
Booking and planning everything for the whole 6 week Summer holiday. Park bags/beach bags/picnics/suitcases- we always have everything we need.
Setting up the garden and inside with purposeful play opportunities to match each child’s age and interests. Creating new play areas, switching others around.
Changing over and displaying the most up to date art work of my DCs because I love to look at it.
Properly printing and annotating family photos because we all love browsing them. Rotating photos in frames in every room.
Visiting potential party venues to research and decide which to book.
Properly hand writing cards, wrapping presents and posting parcels which never arrive late.

Loads more I could add. Running a family home is varied and quite different each week/season.

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Omg you actually write like it's it's a CV. Every does these things!

Mondaytuesdayhappydays · 04/08/2025 08:18

ThankYouNigel · 03/08/2025 23:17

Painting and decorating, both inside and outside.
Spending time up ladders sawing trees, pruning shrubs, trimming hedges, washing windows.
Washing walls.
Properly cleaning- oven, fridge, kitchen appliances, etc.
Ironing.
Full weekly clean.
Food shop.
Regularly decluttering.
Volunteering, often for several organisations.
Caring for elderly family members. Also cleaning their homes, doing their laundry, collecting their prescriptions, spending time talking to them so they feel less lonely.
Running errands when neighbours are ill.
Pet sitting for anyone who needs help.
Christmas prep- making chutney, giving children time to make gift bags, wrapping paper, cards. Booking the best Xmas days and times as soon as bookings go live- they are in my diary.
Booking and planning everything for the whole 6 week Summer holiday. Park bags/beach bags/picnics/suitcases- we always have everything we need.
Setting up the garden and inside with purposeful play opportunities to match each child’s age and interests. Creating new play areas, switching others around.
Changing over and displaying the most up to date art work of my DCs because I love to look at it.
Properly printing and annotating family photos because we all love browsing them. Rotating photos in frames in every room.
Visiting potential party venues to research and decide which to book.
Properly hand writing cards, wrapping presents and posting parcels which never arrive late.

Loads more I could add. Running a family home is varied and quite different each week/season.

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You had me and DH on the floor rolling at washing walls/displaying DC artwork and rotating photos …

(Your own walls ? Or random walls is that?)

Derranged Mumsnet always delivers…

Mondaytuesdayhappydays · 04/08/2025 08:22

User135644 · 01/08/2025 20:44

Well they survived years in the trenches at war so we could have freedom.

What’s your response to this OP? X

Mondaytuesdayhappydays · 04/08/2025 08:25

SugarSoiree · 04/08/2025 08:12

Omg you actually write like it's it's a CV. Every does these things!

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Yes in the evenings and weekends /on a/l etc…

not walls tho - not really a wall washer …

SugarSoiree · 04/08/2025 08:25

lronWoman · 04/08/2025 03:31

Can't find the original but found a repost...

My sil is 44, rich and has NEVER had a job, lucky her! She has no trouble filling her day and has a great life.

Dp earns the money then gives it to me. Why would I feel oppressed?

I haven't worked in 8 years and bloody love it! I got to go shopping without ds today and have a long lunch with a friend. Going to the gym now.

My friend is married to the son of a billionaire and sometimes I have to block her on social media because her life is one long holiday.

I dont work, I was able to be a sahm with my sons, both in 30s now. I lunch, dressmake, walk my dogs for miles, spend time with friends and family etc....
I also volunteer for a small homeless charity, something I am so passionate about, being literally close to home.
I feel totally fulfilled!

My DSis married a very high earner and has never worked a day in her life.

My DH works 80 hours a week for a signficant amount of money, which allows me to be a SAHM and indulge myself, allow me to do all of my volunteering and my hobbies.

I work just a few hours a week in a job I love doing, I don’t have to work for financial reasons. I’ve accidentally ended up with a really high earning DH. I enjoy having lots of time to myself, I have hobbies, an amazing spa membership and an extremely fortunate to have some really good friends whom I’m able to see nearly every week.

My SIL is lucky enough to not have to work due to DB’s income. She has nice things, goes out for lots of lunches.

I'm a SAHM who has teenage children and is fortunate to be married to a high earner so I haven't needed to work since having kids. We do have a lifestyle that most people would find impressive.

I choose not to work. DH works really long shifts and odd hours so can be out of the house either days or nights, with each week being different. When the kids are grown I'll go and get some post-sahm work. Maybe in a shop, factory, cafe or something similar.

The funniest post was Monday morning when she started by posting “it’s going to be a long week, hoping the nanny isn’t late” followed by “anyone know a place I can get nails done, not happy with the place I’ve been going as I think they overcharge and wanting a day to pamper myself a bit.”

I feel lucky that I don't need to work. I am not getting any benefits because dh earns enough.

I'm lucky in that I didn't have to carry on working.

I am lucky enough not to work and stay at home with my son, as DH is a high earner. I feel extremely grateful for this every day, and try very hard not to take it for granted.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3764425-To-think-you-are-very-lucky-if-you-dont-have-to-work

I think this is a testament to the fact that women with money are living the dream in modern UK and can't claim oppression. The only time I've suffered for being a woman is when needing healthcare for endometriosis, PCOS and fertility treatment. The NHS care is awful and woefully inadequate but I was lucky enough to be able to pay for my own treatment which was brilliant.

I think the life of a poor woman in the UK who can't afford things like private health care and child care for their children which prevents them being able to earn more money to free themselves from the struggle they are stuck in is very difficult. But then life for poor men is very difficult too so I'm not convinced it's a sex thing and more just a money thing. Although poor men don't experience medical misogyny so there is that.

Mondaytuesdayhappydays · 04/08/2025 08:27

StarlightLady · 04/08/2025 06:14

They wouldn’t get through their first period!

Does your period genuinely make you suffer in a way that you believe might render a lesser human incapable, paralysed and unable to function?

StarlightLady · 04/08/2025 08:32

Mondaytuesdayhappydays · 04/08/2025 08:27

Does your period genuinely make you suffer in a way that you believe might render a lesser human incapable, paralysed and unable to function?

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Speaking personally, l’ve had a hard times with heavy periods (l flood) including hospital. But l do think men would find periods overly challenging.

Mondaytuesdayhappydays · 04/08/2025 08:33

Glowingup · 01/08/2025 21:05

Huge generalisation. Do you think men who do heavy manual labour on building sites or travel long distances, living away from their families to find seasonal work crumble at the slightest hint of a sniffle?
I think this thread is based on a certain vision of men and women where the man works an easy but fairly high paying office job, has his “hobbies” and generally lives a fairly charmed life. The women in this scenario are self-appointed martyrs, do everything for the man and for the kids (and choose to have kids with a man they know will not do an equal share). That doesn’t reflect the average man or woman across the world but generally work done by men is physically harder and they suffer ill health more than women. Jobs that are really bad for your health like painter decorator or dangerous industrial work are almost never done by women.

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Yes I think it’s a middle class women posting about her middle class husband

most of the women I know would laugh at this and eye roll at the whole -‘but we have to have a period /wrap presents at Xmas ( I mean the fact that could tip anyone over the edge shows how charmed their life is where that would even be ‘a thing’

bizarre

SugarSoiree · 04/08/2025 08:33

ThankYouNigel · 03/08/2025 23:04

Well I’m cooking them breakfast every morning, personally doing every school run with zero breakfast clubs/after school clubs, taking them in and out to GP/frequent serious hospital appointments for 1 DC, attending every school event, leading on all school communication, volunteering there, helping on many trips, collecting them, hosting friends, listening to them read, washing and ironing uniforms, sorting dinner. My children have never, ever been late, never been without a detailed comment in their reading records, their clothes and shoes always fit, their nails are cut, I have never not ensured a single thing school have asked for or needed has not been swiftly sorted. Zero Mum guilt- this is my priority and I am on top of things!

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On the mum guilt topic...

I provide half the roof over my daughters head, I provide her food and clothes and I provide her dance lessons which she loves. I also provide a her pony, taught her to ride my horse and she spent all of her baby days out in the fresh air giggling at the horses while I worked with her in the sling to look after them. We ride together several days a week which is bliss. She has the life many little girls dream of, and it's a joint effort between me and her father.

I am incredibly proud of the life I provide for my daughter, definitely no guilt here! I would say I have no idea why you mentioned mum guilt, but that would be a lie. It's because you think mums who work feel guilty for working and not costing their children 24/7. We don't!

Mondaytuesdayhappydays · 04/08/2025 08:34

soupyspoon · 01/08/2025 21:36

But they just wouldnt do half the stuff anyway

Floors would be sticky, children would be dirty and badly fed, school clubs would be forgotten or payment not made, dental appointments missed, everything left to last minute and the blame someone else that chaos ensues.

You married the wrong man love..

Glowingup · 04/08/2025 08:35

StarlightLady · 04/08/2025 08:32

Speaking personally, l’ve had a hard times with heavy periods (l flood) including hospital. But l do think men would find periods overly challenging.

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Why would they find periods so challenging when women cope with them fairly well?

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 04/08/2025 08:36

ThankYouNigel · 03/08/2025 23:04

Well I’m cooking them breakfast every morning, personally doing every school run with zero breakfast clubs/after school clubs, taking them in and out to GP/frequent serious hospital appointments for 1 DC, attending every school event, leading on all school communication, volunteering there, helping on many trips, collecting them, hosting friends, listening to them read, washing and ironing uniforms, sorting dinner. My children have never, ever been late, never been without a detailed comment in their reading records, their clothes and shoes always fit, their nails are cut, I have never not ensured a single thing school have asked for or needed has not been swiftly sorted. Zero Mum guilt- this is my priority and I am on top of things!

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Other than using after school clubs (which DS loves) I can also say the same for DS. In addition I’m also a governor at his school.
I fully respect your right to be a SAHP you but you really need to stop making out that it makes you a better parent. It’s really disrespectful and completely untrue.

Mondaytuesdayhappydays · 04/08/2025 08:41

MaJoady · 01/08/2025 22:27

And likewise for the most successful women I know. They all are either single, childless and are very invested in their careers. Or they have a spouse who has stepped back and essentially supports their career moves.

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Or pay to outsource the lot
all doable

ThankYouNigel · 04/08/2025 08:52

Mondaytuesdayhappydays · 04/08/2025 08:18

You had me and DH on the floor rolling at washing walls/displaying DC artwork and rotating photos …

(Your own walls ? Or random walls is that?)

Derranged Mumsnet always delivers…

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People who laugh usually live in filthy houses and are too lazy to properly clean, and I mean properly.

Internal walls need washing 1-2 times a year. Don’t believe me- fill a bowl with plain warm water, grab a Jay cloth, start wiping down from top to bottom. Watch the water turn black. We live in a home with no smoke/candles/pets- they would need doing far more often.

Sadly few have no idea what properly cleaning a home daily/weekly/monthly/seasonally means. Paid cleaners wouldn’t touch the sides of what I do.

StarlightLady · 04/08/2025 08:52

Glowingup · 04/08/2025 08:35

Why would they find periods so challenging when women cope with them fairly well?

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They find colds challenging (always think they have flu which is a much nastier beast) when women cope with them fairly well.

ThankYouNigel · 04/08/2025 08:53

Mondaytuesdayhappydays · 04/08/2025 08:18

You had me and DH on the floor rolling at washing walls/displaying DC artwork and rotating photos …

(Your own walls ? Or random walls is that?)

Derranged Mumsnet always delivers…

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Oh and his utterly does pressing and joyless for children to grow up without recent family photos up and knowing parents are proud of their art work.

A home needs to feel alive with memories!

Glowingup · 04/08/2025 09:02

StarlightLady · 04/08/2025 08:52

They find colds challenging (always think they have flu which is a much nastier beast) when women cope with them fairly well.

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Do “they”? Because I don’t know any men who actually profess to have man flu or can’t cope with a cold. I’m pretty sure it’s a sexist myth like the one that women go crazy when it’s their time of the month.

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 04/08/2025 09:14

ThankYouNigel · 04/08/2025 08:53

Oh and his utterly does pressing and joyless for children to grow up without recent family photos up and knowing parents are proud of their art work.

A home needs to feel alive with memories!

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And do you think working parents don’t display photographs or artwork? Of course we do!

ThankYouNigel · 04/08/2025 09:14

SugarSoiree · 04/08/2025 08:12

Omg you actually write like it's it's a CV. Every does these things!

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Absolutely. I actually wrote myself a full job description for all aspects of caring for my home and children, I thrive off ambitious lists. I have a full-time job, and actually work more hours than when I actually had a paid full-time job. I’m more motivated to put the extra hours in as everything I do is driven by love and for the benefit of my own family.

ThankYouNigel · 04/08/2025 09:15

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 04/08/2025 09:14

And do you think working parents don’t display photographs or artwork? Of course we do!

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Well I walk into plenty of homes where I can’t see any or ones that are years out of date, and people moaning they have no time to do some basic DIY.

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 04/08/2025 09:20

ThankYouNigel · 04/08/2025 09:15

Well I walk into plenty of homes where I can’t see any or ones that are years out of date, and people moaning they have no time to do some basic DIY.

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Perhaps they display their photos in rooms you don’t go in? Or they love the ‘out of date’ photos (dick comment btw) so keep them up? Why are you so judgemental about people who you presumably know well enough to be invited into their home.

As for DIY - outsourcing DIY doesn’t make you a poor parent. It’s personal choice.

SleeplessInWherever · 04/08/2025 09:27

ThankYouNigel · 04/08/2025 09:14

Absolutely. I actually wrote myself a full job description for all aspects of caring for my home and children, I thrive off ambitious lists. I have a full-time job, and actually work more hours than when I actually had a paid full-time job. I’m more motivated to put the extra hours in as everything I do is driven by love and for the benefit of my own family.

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I can guarantee you that you don’t “work” more hours than people who are in paid employment, and managing their homes and families.

Which is really just being a functioning adult.