To think this behaviour can be seen a bit rude?

[Ffghdss]

We are from an Indian family and DS has a name that often goes mispronounced. It never really bothered him. In sixth form the school opens up to externals and becomes mixed so there's new people to meet.

In class his table were chatting and DS said something around the lines "well this is actually how my name is pronounced". One (white) girl on the table found this absolutely hilarious and made attempts to pronounce DS's name correctly. She pronounces it like 3/4 correctly and makes a genuine attempt. I don't think that's an issue and think it's nice.

But DS told me that the first time she attempted to say his name she burst into a fit of giggles. DS tells me now every time she says his name she'll laugh a bit and giggle to herself. DS personally doesn't mind as he's got a crush on her.

It was just that he was telling me about her and how she's one of the few people that make an attempt to actually say it's name how it's actually pronounced. But it's just for some reason she finds it "funny" and laughs after saying his name.

When DH and I moved to the UK we didn't let people say our names in a different way just so it was easier for others to pronounce. I don't like the idea of this person thinking DS's name is a "funny foreign name".

She may be very well laughing at her attempts to pronounce it, rather than it being the name itself she finds funny. It may well be to cover her embarrassment at not being able to do it.

Or she’s self conscious about her attempts to say a name that is unfamiliar and I’m guessing hard for her to pronounce.

I think you’re looking for offense on this one….

Sixth formers giggling and laughing? I think you might be overthinking this.

Might be just nerves, and worry about saying his name correctly, like you say she is making the effort to try to say it correctly.

Hard to say really. Is she laughing because she thinks it is a "funny foreign name" or is she laughing at her own inept attempts to pronounce it. The laughter might be embarrassment because she knows she isn't saying it quite right. Especially if she may also have a bit of a crush on your ds?

I do understand your frustration. It isn't that hard to make an effort to get people's names right, and most people can manage a decent approximation of most names. And there is nothing inherently funny about an unfamiliar name. I can totally see why this would grate.

It doesn't sound like your ds finds it annoying in any way, so I would be inclined to let it go personally. But I do understand.

Is the name ashit?

I don’t think she’s being rude, based on what you’ve said.

Are you just looking for something to be offended by?
I have an indian name, it has always been mispronounced. People laugh when they get it wrong, it’s normal!

It does sound that way.

It’s rude. Mispronouncing a person’s name and mocking it / laughing at it / finding it funny is a micro aggression.

This is MN where the majority of posters seek to deny racism unless someone has shouted a racial slur in your face, so this isn’t the best place to post I’m afraid.

The thing is that there are some sounds that people brought up speaking a different language will struggle with or even find impossible. My DH is from a European country and there are a couple of sounds in his language that I hear are different but I just can’t wrap my tongue around them.

ds had a friend in primary with Indian parents but born here and he couldn’t say his name properly!

I would imagine she gets flustered because she realises she can’t say it right and covers it up with a laugh - at least she is trying

It doesn't sound as if she is mocking his name, just nervous giggles at attempting to say it properly.

If his name involves vowel sounds that aren't common in the English language, or parts of it sound like words we think of as rude -poo, shit, fuck - all spring to mind - then that also might give someone cause for nervous giggles (particularly if that someone is an immature teenager!)

If she IS mocking his name, then of course thats unacceptable, but I think you'd need to be there to know in this particular situation.

People have accents. People who speak one language may be physically incapable of making certain sounds, or hearing the difference between certain phonemes from another language

I work with people from all around the world. If I insisted everyone pronounced my name perfectly, I would be being a jerk. I have a foreign surname, so it's actually very rare that anyone gets both my names right TBH, which is fair enough!

Sorry, it's not that it's a 'funny foreign name' - although to be fair, it might be, if it sounds like something else in English (just like there's English names that make Chinese people laugh), but it is a foreign name, pronounced in a way that doesn't come naturally to a native English speaker.

If this girl is giggling, it's most likely self-consciousness, perhaps she's sweet on OP's son too.

YANBU, your DS will face a lot of this I’m sorry to say.

But God forbid you mispronounce an English name, they will come down on you hard. Apparently it’s only foreign names that can be mispronounced

I don’t think that’s fair. I’m currently on holiday far away and I have a fairly common English name that no one can pronounce. It doesn’t bother me at all

i also have a ‘foreign’ surname through marriage that I can’t pronounce correctly and I have a ‘foreign’ mother that struggled hugely with my friends names at school! As with all things in life, a little understanding and not immediately leaping to the assumption someone has ill intent is a good way to go

Thanks for understanding. I do not the find it rude at all that she makes an attempt. She's not inept in her pronunciation. DS told me that the way she says it is actually quite close to how it's supposed to be said. I'm just wondering why the need to giggle and laugh at it. DS doesn't laugh when he speaks to her and says her name.

And no, she doesn't fancy my DS haha. I doubt it's relevant to the whole situation, but he did ask her out and she turned him down.

I think it might be embarrassment and maybe a crush on her part too. An opportunity to giggle with him.

I have a distant colleague with an Aisan name, 4 letters, two vowels and a y. Im dyslexic, honestly I try so hard, but I get it wrong almost as often as right. Its not dissimilar to the western name Aine, which i also can struggle with for some reason. I stutter over it, blush and then she smiles (because I told her, why i struggle but that its important i get it right, and im so sorry) and usually we both end up laughing slightly

Id never make up a westernised nickname for her, that WOULD be disrespectful but i haven't quite got the pronunciation consistent yet.

Sometimes people need patience

Sounds like a nice girl who wants to get it right for you son. I can understand why he likes her

OP , have you met this girl?

I have not. DS was just chatting to me about a recent house party he went to. He was telling me he got to see one of his classmates who he really likes and he told me "you know mum. She's actually pronounces my name nearly correctly. She calls me [ ] " and tell her told me how it all started. And that she giggles and laughs and smiles after saying his name.

To me I found it surprising as well in our community DS's name is a perfectly normal name. I think it's lovely she's making an attempt at saying his name the way it's supposed to be pronounced. I just worry that the giggling might be because she thinks the name sounds weird or silly.

how to sound patronising and sanctimonious in less than 20 words.

If he thinks it’s rude, it’s rude. If he thinks it’s cute, it’s cute.
I would let your son guide this, because it will form a lot more for him than just this relationship.
if he goes into interactions thinking people are making fun of him when they’re laughing, it could potentially harm his interactions.

I say this as someone who had to learn to take things the best way possible, because I was taught to take things in a bad way. It’s so important to listen to him when he thinks this is fine and enjoys her laughter.

She's laughing at herself, relax. It would be a bit intense if she was just solemnly staring at your DS while repeating his name, especially at that age.

I think she fancies him.

I don't think she does. DS told me that she turned him down when he asked her out.

it's not really anything to do with you is it? It's your son's issue to sort out. If he doesn't like it, he can tell her to shut up. He doesn't sound excessively bothered.